not sure why i am sharing this but here it is. my very first memory. not good

originally posted by: NobodiesNormal


i bet you are terrified to actually ask her, let her speak for herself, open a dialogue, find out if she is really as ok with it as you seem to think, as you have convinced yourself.

and if she denies it has any effect on her, then wonder if she is being honest.

.

like i said. you know # about us
i guess you did not read the part about how we took months together just talking. we know everything about each other. she knows and knew all about my bull# and how i am long before we became serious.
i know my wife. i know how she feels but thanks for continuing to be some internet armchair shrink that thinks you have me and my wife figured out based on a couple posts about me liking my # locked up.

if youve not been through something like this then you cant possible know how it can make you feel as far as security and vulnerability. i will say that what happened to my parents and me when i was six is never #ing happening again. promise you that

thanks again for posting and feel free to continue but im not going to respond to your bull# anymore. you think youre right but your not. maybe youre trying to help. maybe youre being a dick. not sure which but i said in the beginning of this thread what i assume about people.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
......
i guess you did not read the part about how we took months together just talking. we know everything about each other. she knows and knew all about my bull# and how i am long before we became serious.
i know my wife. i know how she feels....

no one should ever claim they just KNOW how someone else feels, it doesn't matter if you've been in a decades old relationship with someone and communicate your feelings daily, you will STILL end up ignorant of their feelings without continued communication, you cannot predict how someone feels all the time, that is foolish, or delusional. and you are only saying it to convince yourself you dont need to ask her, or you wouldnt say it, you would just ask her, the fact you choose instead to defend the idea of not asking her, is very telling...

.... but thanks for continuing to be some internet armchair shrink that thinks you have me and my wife figured out based on a couple posts about me liking my # locked up.

hahaha thats funny you think thats my position, cause it isnt, you are only deluding yourself into thinking thats my position purely to maker it easier to disregard my points, which i will reiterate.
refusing to allow your wife to open a window in the daytime because of an irrational fear is unhealthy.
assuming you know her feelings on the matter without asking is also unhealthy, for both of you. and having given her a single chance to speak out once long ago doesnt count.

if youve not been through something like this then you cant possible know how it can make you feel...

just cause you went through something terrible doesnt mean those around you havnt also experienced terrible things, you are not unique in having had a terrible experience, everyone in my family has had a similar experience to this one myself included, some far worse, but they are not regular occurrences they are rare and when they happen they become stories that tell alot about your character, this one has told alot about yours.
like

i will say that what happened to my parents and me when i was six is never #ing happening again. promise you that

exactly! this illustrates that your behavior keeping windows locked in broad daylight is you trying to keep control over every moment because of the fear that that one day way back when you had no control, you believe by locking the windows in the day you are in control, that is why you do it,
but as i said its an illusion, you are never in control, you only think you are some of the time. if someone really wanted in your house a locked window wouldnt stop them, and guaranteed there are moments in your day to day life you are vulnerable, so is everyone in your family, those moments occur day to day for everyone, it is unavoidable, security is always an illusion for that reason. truely coming to terms with what happens means accepting your vulnerability, accepting you dont have security, accepting that those things can and do happen, but you are still fighting that, you will always just be fighting that demon to want to control your environment, and its not a fight anyone can ever win.

thanks again for posting and feel free to continue but im not going to respond to your bull# anymore. you think youre right but your not. maybe youre trying to help. maybe youre being a dick. not sure which but i said in the beginning of this thread what i assume about people.

i dont give a # if you ignore me, just dont ignore your wife, speak to her, actually #ing ask her how she feels about you keeping the windows locked in the daytime,

honestly ask her about the things you do that you know might bother her, ask her to be honest with you and tell you if any of it bothers her, if you cant even bring yourself to do that then just what is it you fear? her answer...

a reply to: TinySickTears

Horrible things happen to alot of people but to a child it's especially worse because it effects the entirety of their lives.

With everyone being different we are affected differently. For anyone to judge how you should be coping in your life is just wrong-I don't care if they are a psychiatrist or an ATS reader/writer.

Fact is, it did give insight for your feelings and thoughts and did explain a bit to me.

Glad you have found a useful, purposeful life.

Do you have nightmares? (I'm sorry this happened to you.)

a reply to: angeldoll

there is a REASON you posted your story here...even if YOU don't realize why....it made sound harsh but it does seem like you haven't gotten over it, by the behaviors you have after so many years......that was a horrible thing you went though as a child and of course it has effected you....if it is still effecting you THIS much after all these years,well..it is never too late to get some help,,,talk to somebody......your wife has been very patient and understanding of your situation....that is a good thing....but sometimes people think they can handle something and they do for a while.....with the best of intentions but it can become too much.........sometimes other stressful things can happen and together it becomes too much to bear.....


I hope everything will be ok for you and your wife

a reply to: TinySickTears

I've noticed similar traits after a bit of trauma, especially your earlier comments about securing the house.

I'm hardly educated on the subject but I'm guessing an expert would allude to PTSD, I'm guessing from experience that being involved in trauma relating to relatives or a place you'd naturally feel safe can ultimately affect you more than say if you were randomly mugged in a street somewhere.

I wouldn't call it weird, I'd call it a string that's attached to you and making you move. I'm not calling you a puppet, I'm saying your experience has helped define aspects of you... Which isn't necessarily bad, it just is what it is.

Supposedly you can tackle this event's impact on your life... I figured you've already done that, made yourself capable of defence and made sure what you care about is safe. Some may argue this isn't the way.

I'd say to them that you've never been attacked in your own home or had a loved one try to kill you.

It isn't paranoid to be safe and trust isn't something that should be easily given, trust. It's f#d me over a few times.

As long as you're happy and comfortable then all is good Thanks for sharing your story.

The past doesn't make you who you are, how you react and deal with it does

Nightmare of a story though which has clearly (you believe) affected you deeply. Pity back in the 80's therapy wasn't the thing it is today

a reply to: PhyllidaDavenport

ive seen people for it over the years but not until my adult life.
i was diagnosed bi polar many years ago. confirmed a few times.
some think childhood trauma can cause or contribute to mood disorders.
not sure if it is true or not.

i have been on various types and cocktails of medications over the years. the best thing that worked for me was the one i was on last. no cocktail. just 1 pill. my wife noticed a difference in how i behave in general.

i have been off it for a while. insurance issues but i have an appointment this friday to get it going again


and yes i have had nightmares over the years

a reply to: TinySickTears

I miss it back home so much. I go and visit my grandma and family down there but its not nearly enough as I should.

I remember being really young and I would lay in bed at night watching the Renaissance building. Every single night till i fell asleep,watching the light blink on and off or as the elevators went up and down.
I would wonder what they were doing up so late, or where they were going.

That stupid building somehow had a huge impact on my childhood.
And when I think of home, that building is the first thing to come to mind.