Travel log 1

Help!

I’m trapped on a third density planet called Earf. If this ever reaches my people back home, please shake my body or do something. Anything! Thanks.

My name is Mynaeris and I am from the fourth density moon ORX243. I have no clue how I got to Earf, but I do know I want to go home. It’s not that I have anything against the planet Earf or its inhabitants, it’s just that watching another planet go through the transition from 3rd to 4th density would be too painful. ORX243 went through the process with all the other moons and satellites of our planet ORX in the galaxy Kxytlkymnl (pronounced kiks-eetil-keeminl). Kxytlkymnl is always written in bold and spoken ever so slightly louder than the other words in the sentence. Kxytlkymnl is actually not just the galaxy that I live in, it is also the Creator of this galaxy itself, in fact this galaxy was named in his honor. ORX is a little south of the planet Ignatz. You may have heard of Ignatz it’s another third density planet like Earf but is more negatively charged, if that were in any way possible, but unlike Earf that has only 8 years left before the Great Harvest, Ignatz still has 52 000 years left. It’s therefore obvious that they are in no rush to get anywhere. I hope that satisfies your curiosity as to exactly where I am from. Earflings feel so compelled to ask extra-terrestrial travelers where they are from, as if this would in anyway explain anything. Or as if it would somehow give coordinates for their telescopes that couldn’t reach the outskirts of the galaxies that we are from. It’s all rather puzzling.

Now as for how I got here on Earf? I am not actually sure? I would love to explain it by saying I was flying in my little spaceship with the bumper sticker that reads “Sic hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades”, making crop circles on random planets but that’s not how it happened. You know how they say you create your own reality? Well somehow I must have created this rather weird reality myself. One minute I was sitting in lotus position, which we call freefall position, participating in the daily mid-moon meditation, sending love to the universe. I had just reached the state of emptiness, and was letting go of all attachment, when suddenly I kept going. For a second or two I was a little concerned and then curiosity kicked in. So I just let things be as Kxytlkymnl had meant it to be, it was as I started feeling total love for the universe, for all beings of all densities that I suddenly lost focus. The next thing I knew I was sitting in an apartment in New York, with my lingualator 5.435.60, wondering whether I had been thinking bad thoughts again.



[edit on 15-2-2005 by Mynaeris]

Interesting read, now waiting for next 'episode' or 'chapter' or 'installment' or whatever your going to call it

Travel Log 2

Downwards, spiralling

Sometimes I find that really smooth patch during a meditation and suddenly out of nowhere a great smile pops up, and those pearlies knock me out of the pure thoughts. Other Orcian chicks eat or cry or buy shoes when they have the morbs , when their podners leave or cheat, not me I am off to the nearest dentist. Nothing beats the feeling of clean white teeth. Who cares about the pain, the discomfort. Just those white teeth, I think I might have a severe case of OCD.

But lets step out of my cavity free mouth for a few minutes and get back to the interrupted freefall. You have to pick your spirituality up again at "Om" and start counting again. Breathe in, breathe out, One, Breathe in, breathe out, Two, Breathe in, breathe out, Three etc etc but when you hit the spot somewhere between Oneness and Emptiness and lose count when the steamy thoughts of the hot thespian, Kcelffa Neb, hits you, you go spiralling out of control. Downwards and outwards, round and round, where you're going to stop nobody knows.

I could spend many a lunar hour telling you about the places I have landed up - maybe in later trravel logs when I have the time and the empty space to fill. But for now here on Earf, in New York City this has to be the strangest and the most terrifying place anybody could hope to freefall into.

Everybody here is ambitious. Everybody has five year plans. Everybody has to be seen in certain places. Even praying has its fashion. Mysticism is a must, be it kundalini or sufism or kabbalah. Everybody is rushing around. They have places to go and things to achieve. Nobody seems to notice that they are just chasing their very vulnerable little egos. My ego needs a house in the Hamptons. My ego needs me to sleep with 20 people to be sexually successful. My ego demands I lose five lbs and have a nose job. The earflings ego is the hungriest of all creatures I have ever met on any planet, in any galaxy.

Originally posted by Mynaeris
My ego needs a house in the Hamptons. My ego needs me to sleep with 20 people to be sexually successful. My ego demands I lose five lbs and have a nose job. The earflings ego is the hungriest of all creatures I have ever met on any planet, in any galaxy.

LOL! so true!

good work Myn

Travel Log 3

Orxians - Lewd and prude.

So whenever people think of aliens they always picture them sooo different! Big bobbling heads, scrawny little bodies and the hugest gunmetal eyes. I am sure everybody reading this blog is wondering I wonder how that Mynaeris is blending in amongst the natives in Manhattan. Except for those living in the Village, who probably aren't even sure whether they are from another planet or not. However, for all those faithful readers of this blog, which I believe currently consists of NOBODY, I think I want to describe myself to you. Yes, I female, and yes on ORX243, females have all the same bits and pieces. Sorry, no four 38DD breasts, and nope, the boxes are not any smaller or tighter boxes than here on Earf.

Let me look in the mirror and see what I see, tall -quite a bit taller than the average Earf woman. Slim, kind of skinny actually - you know the type - model waifish after having a small binge. Slender bosoms and small boyish hips. Wait up just a minute, whats with this Earfling affection for "baby's got back", I guess its the primate instinct looking for a female with swollen buttocks, representing in season for reproduction. Ofcourse that goes with the affinity for big breasts- so that once the baby is there the little earfling will be well supplied with milk .Its rather weird to a space traveller to see how primitive the Earfling sexuality really is.

But back to Ms Orxian - blonde ofcourse, never a dumb blonde though. Ever hear about the blonde who colored her hair brunette hoping to meet men? Never gonna happen. Long straight blonde hair. Brown eyes - with whites like all earthlings, not those animal type slits. Although it would be kinda cute having eyes like Bambi. In other words Orxians are kind of regular looking, from what I've been seeing on Earfling fashion covers. Your average run of the mill supermodel type, we are just a little less airbrushed.

So now you must be wondering how do we do it? We do and we don't. On Orc the act of giving love to your partner is what relationships are all about. We are monogamous ofcourse but we love all others too. And since we don't have sex for pleasure , we have sex to reproduce. We have it all down to a science we learn at "school" what the right age is to have a baby, when your body is ripe enough to produce the perfect baby. Which is rather strange as its not 14 like it appears to be on Earf? Its actually 26 years and 54 days. The full maturation of body and mind has taken place and we can be the ideal parents. There are no bad parents on Orx, and no children that need to be controlled through Ritalin, or Prozac, Zoloft.

YES BUT HOW DO WE DO IT??? Weeelll I am sure you all think we must be really kinky little aliens, after all there are so many stories about anal probes. Yeah right, like we would fly across many galaxies to come and probe your buttocks? Give us credit - you think we're in the stool sampling business? Nope. And even though we are confused by how incredibly primitive Earflings are we have worked out your brains (with all the valuable information - sure) is situated about 3' higher up.
Who makes up these stories about anal probes???

So back to Sex and the married Oxcian. We do it like you. Same parts, same action. Friction, ejaculation and fertilization. Then life continues as before. Loving, caring, sharing, learning, evolving. Sorry - its that simple.





[edit on 15-2-2005 by Mynaeris]

interesting... but me think it needs to be a bit more alien without resorting to made up words.

like to see more

Travel Log 4

Earflings: The right hand solution.

I have been on Earf for a few weeks now and I have been making observations on the Earfling and his circular dance of perpetuation.When it comes to Earflings - their whole being revolves around their sexuality. Its so important to be sexually attractive to the opposite gender. Its vital that you are adequately equipped and that you show as many other earflings that you know how to use it. And when you can't show them your adequacy then you have a drink in the local bar and TELL them about it.Nobody ever seems to stay with the facts of the report either. It is unheard of that a guy will tell his friends how he met the ugliest chick with a huge moustache who was parylitically drunk at the bar last night, they went home and wrestled about before performing the act, during the part where he thought he was showing her who her daddy was, she fell asleep. NO, the ego can't stomach the naked truth, it has to dress it up in warm little clothes so it doesn't freeze from the disdain of the listener. So the tale that told sounds more like this, "she was the hottest chick you've ever seen, I was really suave, we spoke for a few minutes and I could see she wanted it, we went home and I did her for hours, we worked our way through the karma sutra, she called me master, she was insatiable, and then she turned into a hamburger and a beer at 4am"

In my next installment I will discuss the Male Earfling, his reproduction,Viagra,prostitution, strippers, Hooters, promiscuity and competition at the urinals or NOT. Some mysteries are best left mysteries. Maybe we should discuss mysteries like who built stonehenge instead? We on Orx243 laugh at earflings and their conspiracy theories of Stonehenge's spiritual past. The truth of the matter is simple, like all truths. We were busy clearing the backyard of great, great, great Aunt Gruzelda's country cottage and she said: I don't use them rocks anymore". "Do you know of a place we can discard the junk". A friend of hers stopped by and said "I know of a planet with lots of space and no intelligent life, its called Earf."

"Earf?" she said looking like she had just coughed up a furball.

"Yeah, Earf. Its a repulsive name for a planet of ape like creatures who haven't evolved yet. They still go around sniffing behinds like the slimy horntoad"

The friend loaded it into his Space velocopede and sped off past the sun to the planet Earf and offloaded the space trash on a plain on some barren island where fish and chips had to be served on newspaper and beer had to be warm.

Hmmm I bet all the readers are wondering how some puny little alien could lift such heavy rocks by himself. This secret was once revealed by Thoth to the earfling Ed Leedskalnin. On Orx this is common knowledge ofcourse, we can carry a 5 000lb boulder and the months groceries at the same time. But as earflings evolve more they will understand these things.

Travel log 5

On Psychics and TV:

My room has this wonderful box in that has many wonderful things to teach me about life on Earf. I have learnt so much about social anthropology from Earf anthropologists like Howard Stern, who has taught how vital it is to always make sure my rectum is clean, Jerry Springer who has taught me that its acceptable to sleep with your siblings,Maury Povich who has taught me that Earflings are never sure who their Fathers are, and Ricky Lake who taught me that Drag Queens are earflings too but just more fabulous.

Then I feel so priviledged to see people who can actually speak to the dead and bring messages to the bereaved. This is something I saw on TV the other night. The much loved TV psychic John Edwards has a show daily where he speaks to the dead and gives much needed information to the living.

John Edwards:" Anybody in the audience lose a close male relative with the initial M?"
Anybody?" Anybody? Maybe a rather butch female relative with the initial, M?"
"Anybody?"
"Anybody?"
"How about a distant relative of either gender with the initial M? "
"Anybody know anybody with the initial M, don’t make me sweat here," "
"even if you’ve even just heard of someone whose name begins with the initial M??? "
"Maybe not quite lost him or her? Maybe just misplaced them?"
"Anybody?"
"A Favorite pet maybe????"
Nerdy Member of the audience: "I had a hamster called Milton?"
John Edwards :" You were close to him?"
Nerdy:" We were like brothers "
John Edwards:" He had nice hair? I just want to make sure I am speaking to the right person."
Nerdy: "Yes he had beautiful hair until he got sucked into the vacuum cleaner that horrible horrible night."
John Edwards: "Milton wants you to know he is happy where he is. Wants you to know that heaven is like his old cage only without the treadmill"
Nerdy: Tears run down his face- "Thank you Mr Edwards."

I ask you how does he do it????

Its amazing I can't wait to be back on ORX243 so I can tell everybody. Its amazing how informative this TV thing is, no wonder Earflings need Prozac and Ritalin.

Great story! You have a real talent for writing.

That was great! It's Sex and the City meets Third Rock from the Sun.

Great story myn!!

This story reminds me of Douglas Adams with a more Sex in the City thrown into it. I hope you get down to posting another episode soon.

Great job!!!

this is a fun read... i've always enjoyed objective analyses of humanity.


we really are quite ridiculous.

A little strange myn, but looks good.

interesting i will wait for the next episode

Travel log 6

Orx in the City.

I hit Earf's earth with a major "klupsh!" or a something that sounded very like that. Bruising both my pride and my butt at the same time.

"Where the hell am I?"

Shaking my head as I stumbled all bewildered through the vast green field ahead of me? I had no idea where I was, but what I did know was that it was obviously not a very safe place for me to be! All around me were female earflings running away, wearing shorts and sneakers and little cut off tops. I kept looking around for what it was that was so scary? and why did they have those ear phones in their ears? Obviously this terrible monster made a terrible sound that they had to block out with the "ooontzz ooontzz" sounds that repetitatively emanated from colorful earphones. Immediately I was frightened and ran after a short plump brunette, keeping my fingers firmly and continously planted in my ears. It would really suck to be attacked by some beast on arrival on this planet.

After noticing that the plump girl seemed to be running in circles with panic, I decided that maybe it was probably a better idea to follow the girl with the little wheels growing out of her feet. She also had earphones in her ears "ooontz oontz" they kept pounding as she picked up speed. These people with the little wheels sure move at a faster pace then the short fat ones. After looping a few times I noticed a road and vehicles with wheels that seemed much more like the ones we had on Orx a few centuries ago. They were still firmly planted on the ground and kept stopping and going whenever they reached white stripes on the road. Probably some invisible fence for earflings controlled by their local God?

I crossed the road and finally realized that I had obviously left the forest and people were not so afraid out here. The high habitations were collected on top of each other and people walked in out of doors like insects. Here on the streets people were not wearing ear phones but instead the majority seemed to have a black instrument held to their ear which they obviously felt compelled to speak to.

"Yeah I am at Central Park. The weather is awesome. You should grab a picnic basket and meet me"

I looked around and indeed it was a nice day. I tapped her on her shoulder politely and asked where I was?

"Oh this is the great lawn" : she replied , after mumbling to the black box at her ear : "Hold on some damn tourist is lost again".

"Great Lawn???"

"Yes , Central Park! East side. The Metropolitan museum is up there, the Guggenheim across the street. What are you looking for?"

"Orx?" I said putting on the most endearing smile I could muster in my current state of confusion.

"Orx?" She echoed looking even more confused than I did. At least now I felt like we were on an equal footing. Both confused. She did have an advantage on me as she was only confused, not lost.

She picked up the black instrument and pushed it against her ear telling it "Oh God I am speaking to some loon from outr of town. Let me call you right back"

Facing me square on with one of those I -have-no-flippin-idea-what-you-just-said looks, lifted her left eyebrow and said "Orx?" Like I had just cursed at her in some Nebutalarian tongue.

"Orx" I repeated as if repetition would make Orx seem like a more familiar concept to her. Looking for a glimmer of knowledge to slide across her blank staring face. But nothing. Absolutely nothing. Than fear, she looked really scared... she started walking away from me... Immediately I was frightened again, thinking maybe the creature from the forest had found its way out and was going to attack us.

"Please don't go! I just want to get back to Orx!Don't let it get me!" I implored her, trying to look so destitute that she just had to help me. She didn't.

She started running with her little backpack strapped to her back, bouncing it up and down as she ran. I thought, well the only way out of this imminent danger was obviously to follow the local. She ran faster, I followed faster. She looked back, obviously to see if the creature was catching up with her. I looked back too. Nope nothing yet . She ran still faster, I ran still faster also- maybe this creature was invisible? Finally out of breath she turned around and stared at me.

"What do you want, freak? I am going to call 911"

I said hopefully : "Will they know how I could get to Orx?"

I could see she was thinking for a minute then turned with a huge and very unexpected smile and said : "I am sorry I can't tell you where Orx is but you see that man in the uniform, I am sure he will help you find it. Policemen always know where everything is. Lets go speak to him."







[edit on 19-3-2005 by Mynaeris]

LMAO myn! that was the best yet by far!

excellent episode. more of the same please!

Originally posted by Mynaeris
But back to Ms Orxian - blonde ofcourse, never a dumb blonde though. Ever hear about the blonde who colored her hair brunette hoping to meet men? Never gonna happen. Long straight blonde hair. Brown eyes - with whites like all earthlings, not those animal type slits. Although it would be kinda cute having eyes like Bambi. In other words Orxians are kind of regular looking, from what I've been seeing on Earfling fashion covers. Your average run of the mill supermodel type, we are just a little less airbrushed.

Seems like a description of someone I know.

Does that blond like country music? Lawdy life is a trip!

Good fiction...?

I always fall for blond super model types. Even when I dont know they look like it when I first meet them online and have a like-minded spiritual connection...then find out they are blond super model types. Smart, crazy and beautiful yep gotta love em.

[edit on 26-2-2009 by LoneGunMan]