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Aziz Ansari responds to sexual assault allegation: 'I was surprised and concerned'

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posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 04:51 PM
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Why is it reputation assault? Openly talking about his creepy coercive sexual behaviour is apparently a problem?

After giving him a less than enthusiastic BJ, she was refusing to have sex with him...


Halfway into the encounter, he led her from the couch to a different part of his apartment. He said he had to show her something. Then he brought her to a large mirror, bent her over and asked her again, “Where do you want me to # you? Do you want me to # you right here?” He rammed his penis against her ass while he said it, pantomiming intercourse.

“I just remember looking in the mirror and seeing him behind me. He was very much caught up in the moment and I obviously very much wasn’t,” Grace said. “After he bent me over is when I stood up and said no, I don’t think I’m ready to do this, I really don’t think I’m going to do this. And he said, ‘How about we just chill, but this time with our clothes on?’”

They got dressed, sat side by side on the couch they’d already “chilled” on, and he turned on an episode of Seinfeld. She’d never seen it before. She said that’s when the reality of what was going on sank in. “It really hit me that I was violated. I felt really emotional all at once when we sat down there. That that whole experience was actually horrible.”

babe.net...

She is entitled to not engage in sexual activity at any point she wants. Giving a BJ isn't consent to having intercourse. Having intercourse one time is not even consent to having intercourse a second time.

Feel free to read the full article. It outlines the supposed actions and behaviour. She was politely refusing his advances, which he kept pushing and pushing and pushing like a little entitled child with his first boner.

She never accused him of obvious and blatant sexual assault. She said she felt his behaviour was coercive and questionable, borderline sexual assault you could say. He was pushing beyond the boundaries of consent. If y'all want to discuss where the boundaries in sexual relationships lay, this is actually a good example.


Grace says her friends helped her grapple with the aftermath of her night with Ansari. “It took a really long time for me to validate this as sexual assault,” she told us. “I was debating if this was an awkward sexual experience or sexual assault. And that’s why I confronted so many of my friends and listened to what they had to say, because I wanted validation that it was actually bad.”


So here's a good borderline for you. She openly says she grappled with the event and how to perceive it. She seems to have eventually fell on the side of assault - non-consensual sexual activity is sexual assault.


Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

www.justice.gov...

Try going up to a random woman you meet and then ask for a feck whilst ramming your todger against her ass and see what happens, lol.

Does she need to slap him in the face to get her point across? Are men that socially unskilled to not understand what can be considered polite refusals?

People joke about how we need to introduce explicit forms of consent - a pocket lawyer to draft an agreement. That's not because a very large number of women are unable to understand boundaries and issues of consent, lol.
edit on 18-1-2018 by melatonin because: (no reason given)




posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 04:59 PM
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originally posted by: melatonin

Perhaps think of the fact that many, if not most, of the women and girls in your life have to navigate these 'could have been worse' situations . Sad, really - and it doesn't reflect on the women and girls.


Maybe, but those in power, famous, rich etc are magnets for the the women willing to do anything to get what they want, and I would bet they run into more of this type than the type you describe. For you, at the end of the day you could have just walked out, and not date the same guy again as this situation was in the OP's post.



posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 05:10 PM
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originally posted by: Xtrozero

originally posted by: melatonin

Perhaps think of the fact that many, if not most, of the women and girls in your life have to navigate these 'could have been worse' situations . Sad, really - and it doesn't reflect on the women and girls.


Maybe, but those in power, famous, rich etc are magnets for the the women willing to do anything to get what they want, and I would bet they run into more of this type than the type you describe. For you, at the end of the day you could have just walked out, and not date the same guy again as this situation was in the OP's post.


That's what they say.

Not really relevant to this particular example though. The point of this example is she wasn't a willing participant and he was pushing over the boundary of consent. She did refuse - over and over and over and over...

That's the (joke) point.

Why would I walk out - you're assuming it was the guy's residence or something? I would have had to chuck him out, lol. You don't seem to understand how such situations can readily get out of hand. They are best handled carefully, with as little bruising of male ego as possible. I also know that from experience.

So that's what I did - let him get his mini-kick which I could live with, which he then proceeded to push over my boundaries anyway, lol. It's more common than you might want to accept. Would I consider it sexual assault... perhaps, by the letter of the law, it probably was. But not worth my time nor concern. Just another trashy dude and I was more than relieved it only got to where it did.

Here's an interesting point for you - I even had the thought in the following days that he was a relatively 'nice' guy for not being even trashier. It really could have been worse. Rather crazy thinking, huh?
edit on 18-1-2018 by melatonin because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 08:40 PM
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originally posted by: melatonin
After giving him a less than enthusiastic BJ, she was refusing to have sex with him...


Are you serious? They had sex. That's called Oral Sex.


originally posted by: melatonin
She said she felt his behavior was coercive and questionable, borderline sexual assault you could say. He was pushing beyond the boundaries of consent.


No, this is the problem. It's NOT borderline sexual assault.

Here, I'll explain. I had my ass grabbed at a bar one night. I'm told that if I liked it, it's ok, and if I didn't like it, it's sexual assault.

This woman that's accusing Ansari couldn't figure out whether she liked it or not until after she left!

Any Jury wouldn't convict the guy of a single thing except bad judgement in the woman he took back to his place.



posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 09:09 PM
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Aziz, We Tried to Warn You

i thought this was a good piece. it might be illustrative for those of you who seem to be missing the entire point and just want to argue about whether or not something is rape. i know it's not a comfortable notion that things change, especially if they recast your past activities (or activities you were presumably hoping to engage in moving forward) in a less than stellar light, but things have indeed changed, and it's been an overdue change.

pestering women into sex is not okay. if you do this, you are a creep. don't be a creep.

that is all




posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 10:45 PM
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originally posted by: melatonin

originally posted by: ThirdEyeofHorus
The media has so sexualized society.... it's so sad. Even with the revolution in spiritual understanding, we get bombarded with images of sexy women showing us the impossible ideal that only wealthy women with a gaggle of handmaidens and hair stylists can achieve...... the rest of us have to suffer with our every day looks. Amazing that the fallen angels thought we were beautiful without even makeup. But it says in Enoch that they taught us how to wear it.


True. The language, media, society and culture in general have an impact.

However, no matter how a woman dresses, media influence, etc etc, that's doesn't justify nor excuse abusive or coercive behaviour. It presents men as some pathetic weak human driven only by base desires and their dong.

I'd like to think most men are entirely capable of rising above such base behaviour.
Yes I totally agree with you. In the story of Aziz and this woman, there was no romance, pure sex. What woman really wants sex without romance? What has happened to society that men do not know how to woo a woman with real romance. My husband is one exception..... he did everything right and was respectful at all times. Flowers, cooking dinners together, movies, cards, helping me in various ways, bringing dinner when I was sick, talking for hours and hours, talking softly to me when I'm upset.....
Any men who are listening.....now you know



posted on Jan, 18 2018 @ 10:49 PM
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originally posted by: melatonin

Here's an interesting point for you - I even had the thought in the following days that he was a relatively 'nice' guy for not being even trashier. It really could have been worse. Rather crazy thinking, huh?


And that brings up the point of what we are seeing lately with the "sexual misconduct" label that basically the only thing they can call it. A bad date is now is career ender....



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 12:41 AM
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originally posted by: Xtrozero
And that brings up the point of what we are seeing lately with the "sexual misconduct" label that basically the only thing they can call it. A bad date is now is career ender....


So what you're saying is that repeatedly engaging in non-consensual sexual activity is only 'a bad date'?

So after explicitly telling someone in a sexual encounter "I don’t want to feel forced because then I’ll hate you, and I’d rather not hate you,” that they then continually attempt to engage in non-consensual sexual activity which she continually avoids and rejects, that's just a bit of playful slap and tickle and just a 'bad date'.

Someone wanted a women's perspective earlier. So would be nice to get clarity here...


Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 12:47 AM
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originally posted by: CryHavoc
Are you serious? They had sex. That's called Oral Sex.


Yeah, I know. That's what a BJ is - did you not know that?


No, this is the problem. It's NOT borderline sexual assault.
#

Giving reluctant consent for a BJ is not consent for anything else.


Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.



This woman that's accusing Ansari couldn't figure out whether she liked it or not until after she left!


Yeah, she was unclear about how to perceive. There is a tendency to often downplay such things. Can be seen in many example of domestic abuse as well.

At the time she felt violated. That's usually the intuitive expression of being sexually assaulted.

You do understand that it wasn't just a case of liking something or not?


Any Jury wouldn't convict the guy of a single thing except bad judgement in the woman he took back to his place.


Really?


Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

edit on 19-1-2018 by melatonin because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 12:58 AM
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originally posted by: fiverx313
pestering women into sex is not okay. if you do this, you are a creep. don't be a creep.

that is all



Nice article. Makes real good points that I'm sure will fly over many heads.

I suppose this example may cut close to the bone for many. That's the 'joke'.

It doesn't need to be Weinsteinian rape to be problematic nor meet the requirement for criminal sexual assault.

Again, if any of you question this try this out - ask a woman in the street for a feck and ram her with your penis. Then ignore her probable attempts to avoid your actions and do it repeatedly. See what happens (;

Lets play a quiz...

At which point does this interaction become sexual assault?

A man asks a woman for intercourse and rams her ass with his penis without consent. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'it's all good, lets chill'. They Chill.

1. He does this for a second time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

2. He does this a third time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

3. He does this a fourth time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

4. He does this a fifth time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. She politely exits and goes home.

Answer between 1 and 4 or give another answer.

lol
edit on 19-1-2018 by melatonin because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 01:47 AM
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originally posted by: melatonin
So what you're saying is that repeatedly engaging in non-consensual sexual activity is only 'a bad date'?


What I'm saying is a bad date short of illegal, is a bad date for either male or female...it is not one sided




So after explicitly telling someone in a sexual encounter "I don’t want to feel forced because then I’ll hate you, and I’d rather not hate you,” that they then continually attempt to engage in non-consensual sexual activity which she continually avoids and rejects, that's just a bit of playful slap and tickle and just a 'bad date'.


It's called stop engaging with the person..lol really? You think that is one sided? Well it is not.



Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.


They are using the term "Sexual misconduct" in the sense that it is short of ILLEGAL activities as you posted above, but now it is career ending. When I say bad date do you relate it to "forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape, rape" well I'm not and you know that..geez...

No has always meant No, and a big part of that is just leaving or asking the person to leave. To have multiple encounters with a person, then say I really didn't want to is lame.



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 01:52 AM
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originally posted by: melatonin

1. He does this for a second time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

2. He does this a third time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

3. He does this a fourth time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. They Chill.

4. He does this a fifth time. She politely avoids his ramming penis. He says 'lets chill'. She politely exits and goes home.

Answer between 1 and 4 or give another answer.

lol


Lol really? How about the 168 time...geez

Do you come forward today and say so and so tried to ram my ass 5 times back in 1983... Well that is what we are dealing with today...hehe



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 01:58 AM
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originally posted by: Xtrozero
It's called stop engaging with the person..lol really? You think that is one sided? Well it is not.


No idea what your point is here.


Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.



They are using the term "Sexual misconduct" in the sense that it is short of ILLEGAL activities as you posted above, but now it is career ending. When I say bad date do you relate it to "forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape, rape" well I'm not and you know that..geez...


You understand what fondling is?


No has always meant No, and a big part of that is just leaving or asking the person to leave. To have multiple encounters with a person, then say I really didn't want to is lame.


No means no. And the absence of a no is not a yes.



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 01:59 AM
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originally posted by: Xtrozero

Lol really? How about the 168 time...geez

Do you come forward today and say so and so tried to ram my ass 5 times back in 1983... Well that is what we are dealing with today...hehe


Yeah, cheers.

Is this example touching a nerve (;



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 07:51 AM
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want to rethink my ideas and come back with a better worded approach
edit on 19-1-2018 by sapien82 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 08:47 AM
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a reply to: melatonin

I know I know TL : DR hahah


edit on 19-1-2018 by sapien82 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 09:08 AM
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originally posted by: sapien82
a reply to: melatonin

I know I know TL : DR hahah


I read the first line - you're engaged etc. Congrats (:

Of course there are clear differences between a long-term relationship and one night stands or short-term relationships etc. The dynamics of consent are different. However, marital rape is still a thing. In fact, go back a few decades or so and there was no such thing as rape within a marriage. The husband was free to force or compel sexual activity without recourse.

Not saying these issues are simple. In the Aziz situation, she didn't report although she did feel violated and came to the conclusion it was sexual assault. in my case, I did feel violated and think it probably would be considered so but hey-ho, not worth my time.

As someone mentioned earlier, there does seem to be a notion that there's rape and then everything else is fair game - poppycock! Even the law suggests otherwise.

Non-consensual sexual activity is sexual assault. Men shouldn't confuse women being polite and 'nice' for consent. Indeed, it's normal social interaction to try to be polite and let people down kindly. Seems some think the woman needs to slap a guy etc to make a point - i.e., requires the woman to physically assault the man to get him to back down.

Brilliant, haha.



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 09:21 AM
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a reply to: melatonin

hey thanks ! I am actually getting married 2020 !
looking forward to that its been a long time coming , we got engaged in 2008

I have to agree it seems there is a large proportion of male society who think they need some sort of physical rebuke to say NO
get the # off me , and they need to be smacked to believe its true!

I want to post my initial thoughts again but my writing is all over the place so I need to sit and think about how to say it properly first. but thanks for taking the time to read hahah what you could
In my case with a girl when i was younger at uni , she did do that to me , but in hindsight it makes no real difference to me to seek her out and punish her, Ive learned my lesson from it and ive grown and changed at the time I never even thought anything of it , I mean why would I , I was 18 and in bed with a girl.
It isnt worth my time to pursue something like that too seek revenge or justice even if she was rich and famous. I know that sounds like its making peoples claims look like its all about money etc , but I mean I dont feel the need to do that , as I have already dealt with it the way I think necessary and its not harmed me and hasnt hindered me in my growth as a person.

I totally think we all need to make more effort and be more considerate and we all need to be honest with one another.

You know how everyone is identifying with things , well 2018 Im identifying as a river !
Im going to flow freely with least resistance, any rocks in my way I will gently brush off and flow past , I will be flexible and be able to boil and then cool off and re-condense


edit on 19-1-2018 by sapien82 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 10:36 AM
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originally posted by: melatonin

No means no. And the absence of a no is not a yes.


That is an interesting statement....

If you do not say no, but continue in the relationship/activity what does that mean?



posted on Jan, 19 2018 @ 10:46 AM
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originally posted by: melatonin

Yeah, cheers.

Is this example touching a nerve (;


Actually no, I just thought it was funny that a person would give another person 5 chances to hit the right spot... I think after the second time a serious conversation should have happened... like, "if you try that again we are done...." etc etc.

That is what I'm kind of seeing in all these scenarios lately that No was never really communicated well and they continued with some form of intimate actions though they didn't want to do it while in many cases still doing it a number of times.

This goes back to my first point that sometimes for either male or female you just chalk it up as a bad date and then don't date again. I say this with the disclaimer that any part of that "bad" would not be considered illegal actions.

People need to establish a line in the sand that if the other person crosses they are stepping into criminal actions. Don't touch me, I'm leaving etc will draw that type of line...




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