Internet relationships are all about the halo effect (or why I never want to be your friend)

Internet relationships can be amazing. I've experienced true love through Internet relationships, and I've had incredible discussions. I've felt more free and happy than I've ever been in "real life" through Internet relationships.

With that said, I've given up on them. The reason is because everything online boils down to the halo effect. The Internet is a like a tiny box for keeping scraps of our lives. While our lives are boundless and infinite, the Internet is always just a tiny box. How ridiculous is it to judge the infinite based on scraps in a tiny box?

I feel like such a fool. I flipped out over picture of a woman that was taken a decade ago. She was amazing looking, but that picture may have no relationship to what she looks like now. She wasn't willing to video chat with me. Our Internet relationship was very unfair. She demanded a new video of me while she only offered me one very old picture of her.

If you think about it, that's what all Internet relationships are like. You have to form an opinion of someone based on mostly irrelevant information. Do I need to mention that unscrupulous people use that fact to their benefit all the time? More and more, men never really know if they're even dealing with a woman online for sure until it's too late.

I know I'm giving up on a lot of "good times", but I believe humans weren't meant to make online friendships. Things are supposed to start with a face-to-face meeting. If you think about it, almost all of the important questions are usually answered right there within a few moments. That's how nature intended things to be. We shouldn't mess with that.

originally posted by: antiantonym

I know I'm giving up on a lot of "good times", but I believe humans weren't meant to make online friendships. Things are supposed to start with a face-to-face meeting. If you think about it, almost all of the important questions are usually answered right there within a few moments. That's how nature intended things to be. We shouldn't mess with that.

Well, your hands weren't designed to reach out across the internet.

That should be a huge clue.

Humans are designed for "local interactions".

You can't download a nice warm hug.
Or a sweet kiss.
Real people are much nicer.

it's hard to not read this and think of your other recent threads relating to relationships and women and think you should honestly just take a break from romance in general and focus on learning more about yourself, fwtw.

a reply to: AMPTAH

Our spirits can reach that far. That's partly what makes things so hard sometimes. I've experienced others visiting me in spirit across great distances many times on the Internet. That's what hooked me before. I had to become aware of what was happening to overcome it. That stuff can be overwhelming, and it can cause people to lose sleep or have incredible dreams.

a reply to: fiverx313

How does that comment add to this thread? That's an off-topic post in my opinion. If you believe it's on-topic, please explain how.

Not too unlike a relationship of normal standards,don't believe everything you hear or see,remember meeting people from internet in Vegas,all the guys were supposedly 6'4 or 6'5,I'm 6'2 and I towered over them,and when someone sends you a photo of them with a glamour shot,keep on keepin on

Sorry you have had such pain from internet connections.

I have personally never attempted or cared to "meet" anyone as I just don't trust that kind of non-introduction.

I think you have had a great revelation about the reality of these types of connections. I have only heard of heartache, disappointment and dishonesty-not to mention outright lying and theft-from friends who have engaged in internet relationships.

Go to church, parties etc. and meet real, live people. Weddings are great places to meet others. Good luck and best wishes in entering the real world.

a reply to: antiantonym

Dude, get out more.
Have real face-time

The majority of humans suck, but there are some real gems out there.
Internet relationships lead to a train of emotions that would not occur naturally.
But they can become a habit, an addiction even.

Step back while you still can.

Sounds like a scam to blackmail you with threats to post your naked vids on your social media.
Go outside. Consider yourself lucky.

a reply to: antiantonym
I'm sure it's disappointing for you to have had some bad luck in your experiences meeting 'friends' on line.
I've had a few misleading situations myself. I've become (or would like to think I have) more judicious in who I choose to let in to my personal world.
I choose to not be jaded by my past experiences and have made, over the years, some great friends who I speak to outside of whatever internet platform we originally met on. We've exchanged letters, cards, phone calls, emails etc. Distance/work/life in general keeps us from physically meeting at this point in time. I have a niece in Sweden that I've never physically met although we speak regularly. I still care very deeply for her and hope someday that opportunity will come.
In some cases, it's my opinion that, do we ever 'really' know who we are interacting with? Does anyone ever let all of themselves out? I am not one who finds it easy to express emotions to those closest to me (in my off line world) so it could be said that I am 'hiding' parts of me.
Good luck in whatever relationships you pursue in the future.

How ridiculous is it to judge the infinite based on scraps in a tiny box?

Totally ridiculous! Since we agree so strongly on this essential point, we can be friends! Or not!

a reply to: antiantonym

www.urbandictionary.com...

A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego!

Maybe she didn't have any other pics and couldn't get any because she wasn't who she said she was. Also head over to www.tineye.com and reverse image search her picture to see if it is taken from anywhere else on the internet. Though this isn't foolproof as it cant show you if it is from a page you need to log in to view the image (like if it was a random pic she took from Facebook).

Even if she was telling the truth about who she was, if she isn't willing to show you anything more then you had already reached the peak of your closeness, and any wants or desires beyond that will never happen.

The problem with Internet relationships is you can never be sure who you are dealing with. Unfortunately people are too trusting that the people they talk to online are being honest with them. All online relationships are not bad, but if you are looking for romance, you have to go offline. Even if the relationship starts online, you have to eventually meet. I think this needs to happen sooner rather than later. I know many people that have online relationships. The ones that met in person fairly early in the relationship are the ones that are happiest. Even if both people are completely honest, we tend to build up expectations of the other person in our minds. Meeting in person early on does away with some of the expectations.

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement
I'd never heard of that tineye site. Thanks for that.

No one on the internet is your friend.

No one on your social media friends list, is your friend.

Real friends are seen on a regular basis, in person.

The rest is BS

originally posted by: antiantonym
How does that comment add to this thread? That's an off-topic post in my opinion. If you believe it's on-topic, please explain how.

I feel like such a fool. I flipped out over picture of a woman that was taken a decade ago. She was amazing looking, but that picture may have no relationship to what she looks like now. She wasn't willing to video chat with me. Our Internet relationship was very unfair. She demanded a new video of me while she only offered me one very old picture of her.

because if you're developing strong attractions and feelings based on a single picture of someone who isn't willing to video chat with you or meet up, then you're rushing into things and getting ahead of yourself. that's not meant as a slam, i've definitely been there. i think if you take some time off from hoping to find a relationship and work more on (not to sound too corny) your relationship with yourself, it will be easier for you to take a more measured approach in the future and not get sucked into something so quickly that it leaves you feeling betrayed.

i've had major relationships and friendships that started online, and learned a lot from each one about how to approach it. so again, just fwtw... the problem may not be that it's an online thing, but that you're so desirous of finding what you're looking for that you're ignoring red flags.

originally posted by: fritzM
Even if the relationship starts online, you have to eventually meet. I think this needs to happen sooner rather than later. I know many people that have online relationships. The ones that met in person fairly early in the relationship are the ones that are happiest. Even if both people are completely honest, we tend to build up expectations of the other person in our minds. Meeting in person early on does away with some of the expectations.

that's definitely been my experience. the longer you wait to meet, the longer you have to build and reinforce this mental image of the other person... then when you meet, if the real them doesn't align, you find it far to easy to rationalize it and ignore warning signs in order to keep that mental image intact. meeting as soon as possible after you feel there's a romantic interest is best, i agree.

Haven't seen one of these threads in a while

wink nudge cough

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I don't think you addressed my argument at all. I believe Internet relationships (of all kinds) are all about the halo effect. That's a two-edged sword by the way. You can be judged to be a "good person" or a "bad person" based on irrelevant information.

For example, I was accused of seeming "worldly" because I posted about how I like a movie that glorifies loose morality. To the person who accused me of that, that was basically an unforgivable sin. However, they didn't bother to ask me why I like that movie. I like the movie because I enjoy studying different modes of life although they have nothing to do with me.

The halo effect could swing the other way with that same example. Someone could be attracted to me because I like that movie, and they have loose morality. Consequently, they may think I'm like them when I'm not.

It's all halo effect.

After seeing that type of thing all the time in my Internet relationships, I came to the conclusion that it's all a big headache and not worth it.

If it works for you, I'm happy for you. It doesn't work for me.

Let's consider my theory about how Internet relationships are all about the halo effect in terms of Plato's allegory of the cave.

1. We are voluntarily chaining ourselves inside the cave (Internet).

2. The shadows in Plato's story are the equivalent of Internet posts. Even videos posted online aren't always trustworthy because there's frequently so much deceit in them.

I think we're actually in a worse situation when we're online than the prisoners in Plato's cave. The prisoners in Plato's story got to see undistorted shadows, but there are so many lies and distortions posted online that everything has to be taken with a grain of salt nowadays.

At least the prisoners got to see unadulterated shadows that were definitely real. These days you often don't know if you're even communicating with an actual person online. Nothing can be taken at face value.


www.youtube.com...

originally posted by: antiantonym
a reply to: TNMockingbird
For example, I was accused of seeming "worldly" because I posted about how I like a movie that glorifies loose morality. To the person who accused me of that, that was basically an unforgivable sin. However, they didn't bother to ask me why I like that movie. I like the movie because I enjoy studying different modes of life although they have nothing to do with me.

puts me in mind of when hillary said her favorite book was 1984... and some took it as 'yes, that's a great cautionary tale' and others took it as 'hillary wants to be big brother!!!1!!!!!!111!!!!!!!'

a reply to: fiverx313

That happened a lot with different things both ways. I became concerned sometimes when I saw that my "Internet friends" had certain interests, used certain words or phrases, or talked about certain things in certain ways.

I remember being accused of not being manly enough because I usually post online about female singers that I like. If any of the people criticizing me for that knew me in real life, they could see my collection of CDs and DVDs which is full of all types of music by men. I just don't post about that online too often.

I'm not blaming others here because the halo effect sometimes unfairly ruins how I see people too. It comes with the territory of online communication. It even can become a factor with people that we know in real life. I get confused about the meaning of online communication with people I know well all the time. It's not such a big deal there because things can be worked out in real life fairly easily.

The Internet is a paradox. It's simultaneously the most efficient way to communicate and the most inefficient way to communicate.