Morbid Thoughts on Christmas Morning

I've been having nightmares lately. The kind where you have to force yourself to wake up, then you're relieved that they weren't real. A panic attack within a dream I'll call it. I hope most of you have parents and/or kids for Christmas, maybe a significant other, but I have none of the above. I recently inherited a fair bit of money. I was so excited to get it, then $15,000 later with late bills paid, a car with insurance, and big plans, I'm still depressed. I still have enough for a new life but I have to jump on it in 2018. I thought certainly with money I could find an awesome girl, but it's not that easy. You can't tell them about your wealth up front because you risk getting a bad one that will use you. I almost had one of my beloved exes back, but I was a jerk after we hungout for a weekend and she's very unforgiving. I saw her on POF earlier. I suppose a taste of something good put her back on her dating quest. However, I doubt she will find one as good for her as I am. That's a different story. I was on there looking for other women too, while still having feelings for her.

So, my latest nightmare: I was living in a nice house, my Mom and Stepdad were still alive sleeping in a bed together (they stopped doing that shortly after marriage). My sister who I don't trust was still there. I was talking to my parents when we were startled by a gunshot nearby and saw drama unfolding outside of our house. Everyone freaked out, I remained calm and said this happens a lot, then went back to my room. I passed out, maybe had a seizure, and got stuck underneath a desk. With the loud thud being heard, my sister opened the door, saw me like that, and did nothing. I told myself to work my way out from under the desk alone, which I did, then to make it to my bed. I woke up on my bed asking myself if that had just happened, then realized it had to be a dream because my parents are dead and my sister doesn't live here. I can't sleep much lately without having these vivid dreams.

I look at death much in the same way. As you're dying, you have a '___' induced vivid dream via your pineal gland. It can either be a good one, or a nightmare, depending on your life at the time. Then, instead of waking up, you're stuck in it for eternity, or you wake up into eternal nothingness as the blood stops flowing to your brain. Thus the concept of Heaven, Hell, and why people try to live good lives and be nice to people before they might pass. Religion supposedly helps. I'll take it like a man either way. It's just a dream. Near death experiences from Christians corroborate this. They often say they're being attacked by demons, then go towards the light, and wake up in the hospital bed.

Hmm, I guess in your case it's true!

Money cant buy you love.

I wish money made me a catch...

a reply to: r0xor

Fret not, Lobo is here to save the day!

a reply to: r0xor


About the vivid dreams: Have you recently been taking chantix for stopping smoking? It produces vivid nightmares in many people. Perhaps you have been sick and your head/nose is plugged (i.e. lack of oxygen)? Extra stress or worry? These tend to cause worse dreams sometimes.

About the money: money is nice, but hopefully you can have some time to just really soul-search and think about what you would really like to do in 2018 (and beyond). Don't rush into anything with the money but consider all your ideas and options and soul-search before jumping into anything. This would help give a sense of personal well being which might in turn help with the nightmares by turning them into better dreams or even just a better quality of rest.

About the girl: If she was a "beloved" - why is she an ex and why were you a jerk to her again? Did you intend to have that happen, or did it just work out that way? imo, I believe that if you really focus on yourself for a while and kind of get your life where you want to be, then you will have a better chance at meeting someone who is on the same page! (if that makes sense!) Thank you for reading my post, and Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year!!

As member Truth Java said,don't be in a rush as to the way you spend the money.Let it sit in an account and draw interest, wait till you are very sure what would make you happiest to do with it

Ive known billionaires and millionaires, and i can tell you as a fact wealth does not in and of itself bring happiness or satisfaction.

Try meditation.
Try camping.
try a sensory deprivation tank.

take yourself out of your world for a little while to gain an outside perspective.

Things may look very different afterwards.
Things you thought were important may not be.
things you ignored in the past may find a newfound value

a reply to: r0xor

There is no nothingness, not even in death. If nothing existed then it would be something, not nothing. And a dream you have when you are dying is not death, it is life.

No offense but the first part of this just sounds like gloating about your windfall honestly, and the fact that you think money is a key to getting a decent girl says a lot about your emotional maturity. Again not attacking you here but I am a straight shooter.

You need to work on your personality and your outlook on life, as its clearly flawed, as is evident by how youre treating people around you, your view on material things, and obviously your dreams.

Stay away from women and relationships for now, and go work on your innerself, and your view of the world and how things work, especially relationships.

Maybe take some classes on things that interest you, travel a bit and get to see some other cultures, go to poorer countries and mingle with the locals, seriously that does wonders for perspective.

a reply to: r0xor

You're not dying, just dreaming. The stress of money, stuff and relationships, those are some of the big ones.

The weight of the desk on you is a reflection of the pressure you are under.

You thought you were happy and desirable because you got money and your ex girl went out with you, only to discover money can't buy happiness and you (in your own words) still "behave like a jerk".

Its only money, its only you. You want to change you have to work at it.

Money doesn’t make you happy, it just makes you rich. Sometimes, it can even have the opposite effect and make you less happy.

I’ll bet everyone finds happiness in different ways, but I’m not sure. I like having freedom. But Isn’t being rich what makes you free?

No, I am under the poverty line but I rent an apartment, own a used car, and have enough money to buy food, gas, internet, electricity, etc. I am able to support myself.

I have a lot of hobbies I pursue. I am a gamer, musician, and writer, mostly. I like to keep up to date on current events and am thinking of starting a company. The important thing is to do what you love while having enough money to support yourself (which could even be as little as $20 a week for a homeless person).

As for socializing, one of the best ways to make friends in my opinion is through empathy. Being helpful in some way works wonders, too.