My Gray Area...

Just to clear up a point before I leave this thread.

I want to post this just to expose what Silo13 is doing to me on this thread.

So my first post is there for all to see.

Now in response to this first post Silo13 reposed in part by saying and I quote

That being said you're an echo of my mother.

The implication being that I was a echo chamber of Silo13's mother and NOT the mother mentioned in the OP.

Now from there if anyone wants to you can see the blatant attempts by Silo13 to imply that I was supporting the mother mentioned in the OP (who it seems is not Silo13's mother) who was covering up the abuse of her child.

Its sickening that a member can twist and misuse the posts of another member like this.

There is no point in continuing posting because Silo13 quite clearly is incapable of having a discussion about this without twisting my words.

a reply to: silo13

More dread via the media. Things we already know about but more of it.

I don't see anything changing any time soon. Nothing changes. These people we hear about, get away with too much.

That's what i'm trying to say.

a reply to: silo13

If you cannot get over it you risk reliving it everyday which obviously only hurts you, so yes the mother has the right idea ,you either let it go or let it eat you up.

I too think this is a inappropriate place to discuss something of this nature as people are bound to upset you and you run the risk of making it worse.

a reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

my words.

.

Exactly.

a reply to: silo13

^^^^^

That what I mean, taking two words out of context to try to make it look like I have said something that I have not.

I really don't get what your problem is with this one, I have tried to be as civil as I can in expressing my views on it and you have basically been a jerk throughout in your response to me.

I don't understand what your problem is

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: silo13

If you cannot get over it you risk reliving it everyday which obviously only hurts you, so yes the mother has the right idea ,you either let it go or let it eat you up.

I too think this is a inappropriate place to discuss something of this nature as people are bound to upset you and you run the risk of making it worse.

You lost a loved one. For that I am forever sorry and sympathetic. You know this via out private messages. I am SO SORRY over your loss. I would NEVER intimate your loss is inappropriate for ATS.

The 'loss' I'm speaking of? Is ongoing.

My point? IF - in some way, exposing the diabolical actions of another, now, would give some - closure?

Well, that's my question.

Expose it - get some type of closure - and move on.

But how can one 'move on' with a pile of secrets prohibiting the exposure? Prohibiting the truth?

Please don't think for one second I am anything but sympathetic to your own loss, I'm asking why you think this loss is any less?

a reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

I don't have a 'problem' with you, until you post in your own words, someone who is a victim of childhood sexual assault/rape - should and take the 'good advice' of a 'mother' who says it's best to 'forget it'...

Merry Christmas and pretty much we can agree to disagree?

originally posted by: silo13
a reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

I don't have a 'problem' with you, until you post in your own words, someone who is a victim of childhood sexual assault/rape - should and take the 'good advice' of a 'mother' who says it's best to 'forget it'...

Merry Christmas and pretty much we can agree to disagree?

IT WAS YOUR MOTHER WHO I WAS SAYING I AGREED WITH!!!!!!

NOT THE MOTHER OF THE GIRL WHO WAS ABUSED!!!!!

You said.....

That being said you're an echo of my mother.

To which I said.....

Sounds like a wise women, you would do well to listen to her I think.

Therefore.....

I WAS SAYING I AGREE WITH YOUR MOTHER..... NOT THE MOTHER OF THE GIRL WHO WAS BEING ABSUED (on the assumption that you are not the girl in the OP, something you have refused to clarify)

Stop putting words in my mouth is very transparent and its unfair.

Misrepresenting another member like this by misquoting me is very bad form.

a reply to: OtherSideOfTheCoin

Ok, so it seems like we've had a miscomunication.

BUT.

Regardless of WHO'S mother said it?

ANYONE - Mother or NOT - who advises a child to forget about it?

Sounds like a wise women, you would do well to listen to her I think.

Is just so wrong. So so wrong.

I hope we can clear this up as I'm not trying to butt heads with you - but I will NOT stand down to anyone who tells a child of rape to 'get over it'.

peace

a reply to: silo13

Ok, so it seems like we've had a miscomunication.

I think we have.

So we will leave it at that I think.

Just to be 100% clear.

I will NOT stand down to anyone who tells a child of rape to 'get over it'.

I was at no point saying that it was ever ok to tell a victim of child abuse to "get over it".

Take care.

a reply to: silo13

All that being said? If you, were an adult survivor of childhood rape?

Would you - years later - in a society that acknowledges these crimes - seek to bring your abuser to 'justice'? Or not?
Throwing it out there for opinions, advice, whatever.

Thanks.

Well, the cycle of abuse has to be broken whether perps are forgiven or not.
It would be a great help on the healing end of things once the fight to break the cycle commences.

How that's going to happen is anybody's guess.

in a society that acknowledges these crimes

Um, society hasn't grasped the reality of this sickness yet. It's still taboo.

Sigmund Freud posited that incest and patricide were the only two universal taboos and formed the basis of civilization.[11] However, although cannibalism, in-group murder, and incest are taboo in the majority of societies, marriages between brothers and sisters occurred in Roman Egypt.[12][13][14][15][16][17][18][19][excessive citations]

Modern Western societies, however, do not condone such relationships. These familial sexual activities are criminalised, even if all parties are consenting adults. Through an analysis of the language surrounding these laws, it can be seen how the policy makers, and society as a whole, find these acts to be immoral

The Kids Project

a reply to: loveguy

Great info.

I'm just wondering - well - if someone is a known rapist - why not out them? Even after 'all these years' - it seems to be a social banner at the moment, less the taboo it was 'before' recent events.

Any thoughts?

originally posted by: silo13
a reply to: loveguy

Great info.

I'm just wondering - well - if someone is a known rapist - why not out them? Even after 'all these years' - it seems to be a social banner at the moment, less the taboo it was 'before' recent events.

Any thoughts?

It's kinda already been done, with OP. You've outed them to however small this audience is. Also made yourself incredibly vulnerable by doing so...peer review.
Whatever avenue you choose to go down from here is up to you.

If it means moving two-states away to begin your healing process...sounds like a very toxic environment to be in?

It's a hard call; stay and fight a battle that was lost the instant you became victimized, or take care of number one?

You'll probably want to have a good counselor to help you through the transition...becoming whole again.

a reply to: loveguy

Ahhh see that's where my question comes in.

Some say - expose him, and pound him into the ground for all you can get.

Others say - will money really change a thing other than compensation? There's no way to compensate - but it's a thought.

Thank you.

Wow, I am a bit appalled that certain members wanted to dodge the topic and slide into victimization of the victim.

a reply to: silo13
Very welcome.

a reply to: antar

Merry Christmas and love you too dear.

I can't blame anyone for wanting to avoid the issue - it's ugly.

At the same time? I think the time has come to speak up.

Scary but true.

And really? For anyone who thinks this is 'off topic' information for ATS? How does that work? We cover atrocities unto no end here - but shy away from horrors that've happened to one of our own?

That's not my ATS.

Thanks again Dear One!

a reply to: silo13
Yea, I feel whenever possible you should have the right to recover damages from the abuser for the trauma suffered. Sounds fair to me.

a reply to: silo13

So is the original pedophile rich? Does he have anything to offer in a lawsuit? Are you willing to bring all the detail out before a jury of your peers and take the chance that you could lose the suit and end up being marginalized and re-victimized all over again? Do you have the strength for the long drawn out timeframe it will take to even get your day in court? Willing to be verified by not just the judge in your case but many many others leading up to your day in court?

Realistically taking the first steps would seem daunting if you have not purged your mental states from the ptsd it has caused your entire life to be overshadowed by. Has this been discussed in therapy over the years? Have you received a diagnosis of the past trauma?

What are the true and honest reasons for taking action against your violators? What motivates you to come out publically now rather than in years gone past? What would your ideal outcome be in a court case and how do you see your life rising up to a higher state from the chance of winning?

Are there others that could have been molested as well? Could you get them to come onboard with you? Do you have any witnesses who could vouch for you back then in terms of character, appearance, personality?

Do you think that your family, namely your Mom could validate your experience and come around so to speak if you were to prove the abuse you suffered as a child? Are you hoping to validate yourself by what others say about your abusive experiences?

Its just so sad and confounded and seriously lacking detail to really know what to say, what to ask or how to help you. The best advice would always to seek guidance through a professional intuitive and empathetic psychologist who specializes in childhood trauma, abuse, and exploitation.

This is always a difficult time of year for individuals who have suffered as children, the Holidays always seem to hold painful memories that are hard to shake or ignore.

Silo we have been friends for many years, and you know that without our members standing by me in the darkest times, the most difficult times I may not have survived. ATS is the perfect place to come to with questions like you posted in the OP. My respect for finally having the courage to open the dialog for yourself and many others who also have to weigh the possibilities of coming out or letting go.

Noone can say anything that will change what was, and for that I am so sorry, yet we can be here now to help yourself champion that inner child who you have bravely taken by the hand and offered as your adult self to help. No, adults were there for her, but you are her protector now, and you will figure this out for her and discover how to love yourself through making the choices that will be right for you.

I am always just a u2u away.

Comp is jankie right now, but silo and anyone who struggles with the thought of watching as people come forward right now to talk about and sometimes even litigate and hold accountable those who harmed them, especially in childhood, my heart is with you as you make the hard choices that hopefully will help others in your same positions and to take the steps which will help you to be whole.