posted on Dec, 14 2017 @ 07:28 AM
I'm looking forward to it being over.
I am depressed, though I am taking aggressive action to try to push through it. All the lifestyle changes I am undertaking will be challenged with the
holiday - I'm exercising daily and sticking to a strict diet of healthy foods, not drinking any alcohol, very little coffee and no sugar. Now I'll be
faced with foie gras, cake and champagne.
I don't really want to see people, because I know I am not cheerful and will bring people down just being in the same room. I don't want to fall into
the trap of drinking just so that I can cover up my depression and make others more comfortable.
My kids are in a cold conflict with each other right now, which makes it all uncomfortable and tears me apart. I miss my parents and siblings. It's
also my birthday, and as my husband plans to get everyone together for my birthday, I dread the idea of having the kids all in the same room with each
other. I'm also feeling like I don't want to celebrate my existence. Existence is terribly over rated.
I am aware that everyone says you need to see people when you are depressed, but the irony of life is that no one wants to be around a depressed
person; the more you need others, the more others are repulsed by you.