A Southerners mind

Just got this over the net from a Nam Buddy and thought Yall might like it......

Subject: A SOUTHERNER'S MIND

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's
mind, the following list should be handed to each person as they enter a
Southern State. (These actually should be the rules in all states.)

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of
the way!

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color,
don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for: bait.

6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to
your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham and turkey.

9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's
sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a
lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice!

11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a
quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we
eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays,
and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still
address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes
still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil
them with salty fatback, bacon or a smoked hog jowl.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it? Interstate 75 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick
one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on
them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of
wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season.
Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish and bothers the gators --and, if you hit it in the rough,
we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot --his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You
park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your
hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions.
The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them
enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up
the flag burner.

American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!

Brilliant

From watching films, the films often show 'southerners' as non too bright country folk, but I'm betting the people who make the films have never even set foot in southern America.

*raises hand* I for one don't judge from the imagery of propaganda, I judge a place from its people, and southern American's are all right by my standards.

Very Cool, Thanks Amuk, There is some city people here in Australia
that need to have that pasted to their Fridge.

Ive always been interested by Americans who live in the South ever since i watched the Civil War Series on UK TV.
Take Robert E Lee and Jeb Stuart and James Longstreet. They were the ideal of the Gentleman, polite and even chivalress but they all fought like Hellcats. I mean if you look at Lee he looked like a Gentle old guy who wouldn't hurt a flea but he was as hard as Iron.
My knowlage of Southerners is confined to TV and a trip to Florida but in my short time there i found the people to be polite, down to earth and helpful almost to a fault.

Thanks yall

I just posted this as a joke but its nice to hear from some that don't think we all marry our sisters and have pigs in the house.

We are guilty of spreading the image ourselves for no other reason that it is so far from the truth its laughable. I myself have perpetrated the BS just as a joke.

When I joined the Army people were shocked to see that I could read and write, new how to lace my boots, didnt have 12 toes, etc.

What has suprised me is the MANY posters on this board that decry ANY statement about Blacks, Spanish, Muslims, etc but will turn around in the next sentence and talk of "slack jawed, inbred, redneck Southerners" like we are the ONLY place in the world with racists

As a NORTHERNER who has family in the south and spent alot of time there: This post is 100% accurate.

But, I need to add:

1) People in the south drive FAST. Northerners drive crazy, southerners drive very very fast.

2) Everybody is polite to the point its sickening....To your face. They truly, deep down, dont like Yanks down there.

3) Florida isnt down south no matter what a map tells you!!

Here is some more

All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who were dumb enough to stay down here:

1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day, so let them cook something they know.

2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda -- this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

4. Don't show allegiances to any college football squad that isn't an SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play Wyoming every week.

5. Don't refer to Southerner's as a bunch of hillbillies. Many of us are/have been more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense (e.g.Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb, we know better!

6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your bitching, spend your money, and leave.

7. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don't put sugar in your grits.

8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster.

9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don't like it here, take your Yankee ass back home.

10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy ass Northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We...simply...don't...care.

11. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It's like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.

12. Last, but by no means least...DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Consider yourself just damn lucky that we let you come down here in the first place. Don't push your luck!

And here are some good jokes.

www.belowtopsecret.com...



[edit on 14-2-2005 by Amuk]

Originally posted by skippytjc

1) People in the south drive FAST. Northerners drive crazy, southerners drive very very fast.

I disagree with the fast part and I live in the South. However I must say to be honest that someone at work once followed me when I had my Transam and asked me a question after he found me at work. He told me I must only have an on/off switch instead of an accelerator. Comedians are everywhere.

Here's something I actually heard from a southern driver when we were in Wisconsin. "Ok, everyone better get out of the way!"

One of the most irritating moments for me would be waiting for the car in front of me to go through a green light when she stopped to let someone turn left in front of them and the other driver wouldn't go. A politeness standoff.

People in Georgia drive 1 million miles per hour. Good rule of thumb I learned down there: Take the speed limit and multiply it by 50%. Thats what you should drive if you dont want to be ran off the road.

I always guessed it was because everything was spaced so far apart. The super market was 10 miles away, no traffic, just far. Up here I can choose 5 within 2 miles, but I need to get past 400,000 other cars on the way.

Originally posted by Amuk
12. Last, but by no means least...DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q.

Boy, I'll tell you what.....I can out BBQ any Johnny Reb any day of the week!!

Seriously though, I am one BBQ lovin' fool....both eating & cooking. That's the advantage of having a home office : I get outside at about 7 am & get the smoker going ( mostly hickory, then Cherry &a little Mesquite ). I take my whole pork butts & beef brisket ( that had been sitting in my special dry rub at leat 12 hours ) and put them on. I come out every hour to make sure I'm burning at 200 degrees ( add charcoal & soaked wood) and to mop my basting sauce on them ( apple juice, a little Coke, Spanish smoked sweet Paprika ). Somewhere around 6:30 that evening I bring it inside to meet my own homemade coleslaw, sweet corn, cheddar cheese corn bread and my special beans that will have you stabbin' your mama for seconds! Those beans got their own special big old clay pot and like to keep the meat company inside the smoker.
Hell, I even make an Ambrosia for dessert!

Now Southerners, I swear, you'll give up the Stars & Bars after eatin' at BT's!


Please explain something to me though: how the HELL does anyone like MushNuts!?!?

We were fishing the grass flats down by clear water, and rushed out so early that morning that nothing was open, but the dock master had a pot of those going.....I fiugred a six pack of Coke & those would hold us over......wrong!

I mena I'm a survivalist, I ate them, but I got preety close to cutting me a slice of speckeled trout sushi so I wouldn't have to! The bait shrimp got off lucky!

Originally posted by Bout Time
Now Southerners, I swear, you'll give up the Stars & Bars after eatin' at BT's!

Sounds perfect! Almost exactly how I do mine...mmmmmm

Please explain something to me though: how the HELL does anyone like MushNuts!?!?

LMAO....Aw man - Boiled "P-Nuts" are the BEST!! I can't see how people don't like them....But I've tried to convert a few northerners myself, much to the same reaction

Now....I need to add a couple to the list here that I've thought up....hehe

1. Always look down into your cup before you drink, unless you want to find out what tobacco and mint flavored snuff saliva tastes like
   
   
2. If someone asks you - Do you wanna go muddin'? They ain't talking about going to the massage parlor and taking a mud bath....They're talking about going down to the sinkhole and possibly loosing a truck with a 5 foot lift kit and 30 inch tires to the mucky-muck man....
   
3. When you hit a deer on the road, the respectful thing to do is pull over and remove the deer from the road............skin it, strap it to your hood and "Get 'er done"
   
4. Only in the South will you find the true homo sapiens redneckius....All others are cheap imitations.....
   

Originally posted by skippytjc
People in Georgia drive 1 million miles per hour.

However they will drop out of warp speed to a measly 90 mph to check out someone driving a Transam just to make sure it isn't the cops before they continue on their freeway flight.

A southerner driving I-95 with a passenger on board. Passenger "aren't you driving a bit fast?" Driver "Well the speed limit says 95 on this road."