A problem is emerging in our social paradigm

a reply to: Aazadan

Here we go again with life advice.

Look.. this isn't a life advice forum it's a forum for the discussion of ideas either your discussing ideas or not. Period. This tired game with people here is why I haven't been active all year.

originally posted by: toysforadults
Well I'm far from average trust me. Now that I am taking 15-18 credits a semester AND working full time I don't have the time and effort for it. Besides... they don't want it!!!! They want to be negged and made fun of!!!!

That means they have low self esteem and are trying to do something uncomfortable to prove they're a worthwhile human being. Playing into that is sick.

a reply to: Aazadan

Please. I don't have time for this good luck.

I think you are hanging out with the wrong type of women if the behavior your discribing bothers you (if it doesn't bother you, than your right where you ought to be).

I have never had to be aggressive with a woman to 'not be alone' for the rest of my life. I of course had to carry my self with confidence. I did have to respectfully ask all the ladies I have dated to go on a date; they would not have asked me out doe to social norms. But there was never a need to be aggressive about it. "Hey want to go out some time?" (Or something similar) was all it took. Yes some said "No" and that's when you moved along to the next one.

Happily married now to the last one who said yes.

All it takes is respect for the other person and the coincidence in not feeling bad about your self when the woman says "No".

I think that last part is what is leading to all the drama. To many guys don't have the self esteem needed to walk away from a rejection. They just can't handle it and so as a defence mechisum they fool them selves into thinking the woman is just playing games with them and they just need to try harder. Sure some times trying harder works out, Woman can certainly be as wishy washy with their emotions as the next person. But why put your self in that position in the first place? Get rejected, move on to the next lady you find attractive, no reason to feel bad about your self to the point that you need to be aggressive toward women.

a reply to: Blue Shift

That's the reality! You said it! Better believe it!

Hormones are involved though! We women still like a manly man to protect us in this still uncivilized world! We want to feel safe and a man usually is what we want. Listen up guys! The nerds with the money these days is just not as attractive to some women as you think! We need more than just money!

a reply to: Justso

Heh, if you're a nerd with money, it's still not a huge problem if you're physically fit and able to sire children.

Gentlemen, do you have whatever the masculine equivalent of "breeder hips" happen to be?

originally posted by: TheMZA

originally posted by: Autorico
a reply to: TheMZA

Not all of us guys are looking for a notch count.

It's not about a notch count, it is about confidence. You want to sit around and "wait" for mrs. right then you will end up being another single "nice guy" surrounded by beautiful women that friendzone you. And you know what? It WILL work in the long run, when you are 35-40 one of these women will finally want that "nice guy" to help raise her kids when she is done trying to land the kind of guy she really wants.

Nailed it. And a nice big star for the fact that four
out of five women successfully reproduce-- and only ONE out
of five men do likewise. Think about that effect on the gene pool.

BTW what friendzone? I was somebody's guy pal/free babysitter/
drone-eunuch for 30 years. Then it became apparent that type
of female is attracted to decent guys. Rather than become an
a-hole too late I simply gave up and stayed with the 80%.

No regrets, especially having to worry about an offspring to
leave behind in THIS clusterpuck.

a reply to: toysforadults

This isn't it though. If I do not engage women or go after them I will never end up in a relationship. Women never engage me they ALWAYS want me to chase them and if I don't I will always be alone.

"I will always be alone"

Do you see what you are doing there? You are afraid of the unknown and misreading things, IMOPHO.
I wore those shoes in my time and you know what, I don't wear them anymore. In fact I got the girl of my dreams!

I lost those shoes when I started caring more about me and started fixing things I thought of myself were wrong, or not the me I thought I wanted to be. The right one will come along, you just have to be ready.

It's harder to read people if it's hard to read self.
I'm assuming you are still young and have decades to over-come?
You'll be fine. Just respect the boundaries you set for yourself.

Steer your vessel without others using remote control.

originally posted by: toysforadults

My question here is, is it possible that if women stop this game of cat and mouse that a by product of this change would be men being less aggressive socially towards women and probably in general?

The problem is in the biological design of the sexes.

The woman has the burden of carrying the child in her tummy. It's a long 9 month ordeal. Then a painful birth. Then years of looking after the kid when it's born.

The man, on the other hand, is blessed with just being troubled with a few moments of pleasure, then he's off the hook when the deed is done.

So, naturally, women will be "reluctant" while men are always "willing."

You can't change that reality.

The woman always has "two minds", one mind "wants you", the other mind "doesn't want the burden" that follows.

That's why they often "flip flop" in romantic interactions, one minute "yes", the next minute "no".

There's no solution to this problem. That's why we're going to eliminate "gender" in the design of the human beings, as soon as we develop the genetic technology to create new humans in the lab.

originally posted by: toysforadults
a reply to: TheMZA

I disagree with the statement that it's by nature, I think we make a choice culturally.

It is nature, every successful culture operates this way because it is the way it is supposed to be. There is a definite difference in the rolls between men and women

originally posted by: Justso
a reply to: Blue Shift

That's the reality! You said it! Better believe it!

Hormones are involved though! We women still like a manly man to protect us in this still uncivilized world! We want to feel safe and a man usually is what we want. Listen up guys! The nerds with the money these days is just not as attractive to some women as you think! We need more than just money!

Good point and I think this is why that attraction mechanism works the way it does

I remember when I used to fight and my roommates used to fight we were beating women off with sticks... Oh I mean in sanctioned competition.

a reply to: AMPTAH

Eliminate gender through genetic technology? Sounds like crimes against humanity, and anybody who tries should be promptly taken in custody where nobody will find them.

originally posted by: AMPTAH
There's no solution to this problem. That's why we're going to eliminate "gender" in the design of the human beings, as soon as we develop the genetic technology to create new humans in the lab.

Who is the "we" you refer to?

i thought this might be helpful but also i see the OP doesn't want advice...

fair to say though if you have the same problem all the time, instead of jumping to 'it's society that has made me the victim here' it might be something in you? worth considering.

kotaku.com...

a reply to: fiverx313

oh, imagine that, I didn't come here for life advice from strangers... it's unbelievable

a reply to: toysforadults

sorry... i mean, if you post a thread (or multiple threads) about your dating troubles, even if you couch them in terms of 'the problem is women and society and evolution and nothing to do with me because i am fit and smart and a good earner and a nice person'... you're gonna get advice. that is how the internet works.

if you want a place to just complain about it, reddit has some subforums that will probably throw in 100% with you that it's not on you at all whatsoever.