posted on Nov, 30 2017 @ 10:30 AM
It sounds like fear of intimacy. Fear of losing your boundries of self, becoming enmeshed with another.
This is often a risk with people who were raised by a mother, without a father present. You develop a defense reflex of pushing people away when it
looks like a intimate relationship could be on the horizon.
This "good" you, or "real" you, that you hold onto is what you are protecting. The people who get repulsed and pushed away by this behavior didn't
reject that part, because it was hidden behind this devil you. You can still believe in yourself as being "good" (in ways you consider to be good, I
Are we what we do, or what we think/feel inside? I think therefore I am is comforting. No matter what we do, it is that internal vision of ourself
that is "real" and existing. But in the shared objective world, that part really has no value or existence. Here, in the physical world, you are what
you do- what can be seen, felt or recognized by others. What good is it to love if that remains inside and nobody receives it?
Get some therapy. Or don't, it's just an idea, take it or leave it. But it is possible that you have trouble being in a relationship without your
boundary of self melting completely and resulting in a relationship that is too intense.