a reply to: ketsuko
Yeah, that's a solid approach. My youngest just turned 10 yesterday and her brother will be 16 in March. I never had any issues with meltdowns in
stores over not getting something they wanted/demanded because it wouldn't be tolerated. I give them a pretty long leash in most cases because they
need to grasp that actions have consequences but I'm never too far off that I can't give them guidance, but there aren't any get out of jail free
cards here and they know that if there's something they want then they have to earn it.
They know the drill and will come to me prepared with ideas for what chores around the house or the property they can do and have a fair grasp on time
management and return on investment in regards to the type of chores they're capable of performing (obviously a 10 year old girl isn't going to
attempt some of the stuff her brother is able to do), how much time and physical effort would be involved etc... So they have a basic framework and
basis for comparing the dollar amount of what they're trying to talk me into compared to the work they need to do to obtain the goods.
Contrast those 2 with my nearly 18 year old step-daughter from my wife's first marriage and she has zero motivation or drive to do anything and
bitches and moans about doing basic chores around the house which was the deal if I was paying for her cell phone, half asses everything when I am
finally able to coax her to turn the TV off and get off of the couch and purposely did a terrible job knowing that if I got frustrated and had to redo
something that she insists she had done properly but didn't come anywhere remotely close that I would just end up doing it myself in the future
because it wasn't worth the hassle. It's not like I used her as a maid. It was 15 min per day and maybe 30 min once or twice per week
To be fair, she was severely bullied at school so we pulled her and homeschooled her until she fell while hiking and suffered a TBI that left her with
amnesia and because of where she hit her head and the way the brain bounced back and forth from the shockwave in her skull she was never quite the
same kid again after that. And the matter is compounded further because when with her biological dad he's a 43 year old deadbeat who lives with his
mommy in her trailer grows mushrooms in his bedroom ( not the magical kind!) and works odd side jobs as a handy man for hire and sponges off of his
fiancé who lives 1500 miles away.
So when shes with him at grandma's house, there is no structure, no real rules and zero expectations from her. So I'm the bad guy because at our home,
we have expectations from all 3 of the kids and they know that if they want to play Xbox or want to go somewhere or they need me to buy them
something that isn't a necessity then they need to earn it. So its an example of a Nature vs. Nurture scenario and the drastic differences when one of
the 3 has no boundaries, guidelines or anything resembling actual parenting.
It's pretty sad because she is in many ways like the 2 year old. If she wants something and is told no, she will wait until nobody is looking and take
it. Over the summer I went to get the cat out of her room while she was w/ her dad one weekend and when they cat stood up, the pillow case crinkled
lol So being curious I went to see what it was and lo and behold... the entire pillow case was filled with food and candy wrappers. Some of it was
stuff she stole from my office, others were taken from the fridge after being told no, a stash of small bills that she had been collecting out of my
wallet for weeks and possibly months because she found out the hard way that I notice quite quickly if a 20 or 50 is MIA. I could go on and on but I'm
probably way off topic at this point.
I think the point I was trying to make is that the 2 kids who had boundaries, rules, structure, were taught to respect others and think critically
I've never had issues with and the one who spent half her time living like a hippy at a commune has the emotional maturity of an elementary school
student and has no respect for anyone and lies, steals and manipulates people on a regular basis. The kid in the OP is going to grow up like my step
daughter.... zero respect for anyone or anything. Including himself. The future for these kids frightens me more than my time in Somalia did.
rant over lol