Girl Scouts warn parents about forcing kids to hug relatives for the holidays

a reply to: trollz

And they need to know it's okay to say no and it's okay to tell. Predators tell kids it's their fault and their parents would be disappointed in them or what ever they need to to keep a kid quiet. I think that parents are probably more aware now then when I was a kid. Then no one thought that could happen in their circle. It was something that happened to other people.

Awkward indeed. Children who basically only know someone as a stranger... The other awkward one, talking to a friend on the phone, then they hand you off to a friend, "Say hi to my friend" .... yea like we have anything in common at all besides our friend. I just remain silent until the friend returns, and say "Don't ever do that again"

Same as Santa Pictures where the children are in terror shrieking, crying. There's a reason you only see that person once a year....

Nuance? Grey area? Common sense?


Naa, paint the world black and white them choose a side.

Were seeing a devolution of humanity.

a reply to: DBCowboy

a reply to: Bigburgh


My Aunt Bunny unwantedly hugged me once. Once.

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: trollz
When I was younger, my dad's mother used to visit (I refuse to call her my grandmother). She was a textbook version of a psychological/emotional abuser and she was hell-bent on trying to belittle me and make me feel inferior to her at every possible opportunity.

The key difference between you and a mannerless kid is that YOU had a damn good reason for the avoidance. "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" is not one of them. If we don't teach kids how to interact despite initial misgivings, we end up with snowflakes who grow up into even bigger snowflakes. We already have enough of them, time to work on whittling the numbers down, not increasing them.

And how do you know that "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" isn't the child's way of saying they're very uncomfortable with being touched? Children aren't always the best at expressing themselves. I think we need to listen to children when they indicate that something makes them uncomfortable instead of dismissing their discomfort and shaming them.

a reply to: Nyiah

great now your daughters can get their social anxiety badge

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Lol..
You must live "Dangerously"

originally posted by: Bigburgh
Lol..
You must live "Dangerously"

You fargin know it.

You know, for an elderly, sick relative, seeing and interacting with a small child or children can make their day. A hug is precious.

It may be a bit different if we're talking about Cousin Eddie.

originally posted by: trollz

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: trollz
When I was younger, my dad's mother used to visit (I refuse to call her my grandmother). She was a textbook version of a psychological/emotional abuser and she was hell-bent on trying to belittle me and make me feel inferior to her at every possible opportunity.

The key difference between you and a mannerless kid is that YOU had a damn good reason for the avoidance. "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" is not one of them. If we don't teach kids how to interact despite initial misgivings, we end up with snowflakes who grow up into even bigger snowflakes. We already have enough of them, time to work on whittling the numbers down, not increasing them.

And how do you know that "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" isn't the child's way of saying they're very uncomfortable with being touched? Children aren't always the best at expressing themselves. I think we need to listen to children when they indicate that something makes them uncomfortable instead of dismissing their discomfort and shaming them.

Seriously?? If you have a child with legit touch/sensory issues (like SPD) and you haven't figured this out yet after years of people interactions, you dropped the ball.

originally posted by: Sillyolme
a reply to: trollz

And they need to know it's okay to say no and it's okay to tell. Predators tell kids it's their fault and their parents would be disappointed in them or what ever they need to to keep a kid quiet. I think that parents are probably more aware now then when I was a kid. Then no one thought that could happen in their circle. It was something that happened to other people.

I agree 100%. The best defense against children being abused is telling them to speak up when something makes them uncomfortable, and teaching them not let others touch them without permission. These are concepts that remain relevant throughout one's entire life.

a reply to: Nyiah

SPD and other issues are something a parent will pick up on if they are worthy of the title.

Yeah, this isn't about 'banning hugging' or what some of the posters here seem to think. This is about teaching young girls that nobody has the right to demand or expect any physical contact from them that they do not fully consent to.

Any why is there a problem with that?

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: Nyiah

SPD and other issues are something a parent will pick up on if they are worthy of the title.

Right, and it's not going to suddenly spring up out of nowhere when someone visits.

why can't there be intellectual consideration, or sensible thoughts, or a critical argument on ats.

why not discuss perhaps conditioning certain behaviors at a young age and how it effects one later in life. as does everything...

why are hyperbole more welcome than truths, and strawman deflections are used to silence the little voice...

i wonder in what other facet in life do people dismiss behavioral cause and effect, or in every day life. like if a mechanic tells you if you do something early on to a new car it will affect it in a bad way in 3 years, will you make some poor sarcastic idiotic comment to save face or hide your esteem just to question the mechanic...

i wonder why the psychology can never be discussed any more here, or why this site has been gradually dumb down, no more guests, monthly or weekly shows, no more in depth analysis no more collaborations with field experts... just ads and less mods and a mudpit...

all that's left is the silencing of reason and critical faculties in turn for s&f...

a reply to: Nyiah

On a serious note.
My sister has had some medical issues the last 6 years. She already had anxiety prior to that.
When people get close or try to hug her, she cringes in fear. It's hard for her. She's also claustrophobic.

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: trollz

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: trollz
When I was younger, my dad's mother used to visit (I refuse to call her my grandmother). She was a textbook version of a psychological/emotional abuser and she was hell-bent on trying to belittle me and make me feel inferior to her at every possible opportunity.

The key difference between you and a mannerless kid is that YOU had a damn good reason for the avoidance. "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" is not one of them. If we don't teach kids how to interact despite initial misgivings, we end up with snowflakes who grow up into even bigger snowflakes. We already have enough of them, time to work on whittling the numbers down, not increasing them.

And how do you know that "Aunt Mildred is weird & I don't want to hug her goodbye" isn't the child's way of saying they're very uncomfortable with being touched? Children aren't always the best at expressing themselves. I think we need to listen to children when they indicate that something makes them uncomfortable instead of dismissing their discomfort and shaming them.

Seriously?? If you have a child with legit touch/sensory issues (like SPD) and you haven't figured this out yet after years of people interactions, you dropped the ball.

I'm kindof confused by your post. Unless I'm missing something, it seems like you agree with me but somehow think you don't. Yes, sensory/touch issues can add another aspect to the situation.
Do you disagree with what I said?

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: Nyiah
If we don't teach kids how to interact despite initial misgivings, we end up with snowflakes who grow up into even bigger snowflakes. We already have enough of them, time to work on whittling the numbers down, not increasing them.

They just need to be properly motivated to hug the relatives. I suggest they all get a trophy after each hug.

The trophy is in there.....I PROMISE!

a reply to: odzeandennz

I think part of the issue here is that the assumption seems to be that parents cannot be adequate gatekeepers to assess safety for their children.

This idea presupposes that children do not or cannot trust their parents when it comes to this issue or that they somehow have better instincts.

My son does not get to regularly see his grandparents in Tennessee, for example, but they would expect a hug from him. They are not creepers, and no harm would come to him from hugging them. I am not going to hurt them by letting him be standoffish. There is no reason for it, and he may not see them again each time he does get to see them.

Now, on the other hand, there are one or two relatives on the other side of my family that we do see more often that I would never force him to hug because ... well, I would mistrust the motives for them wanting such a thing.