Mean kids

a reply to: BiffWellington

And she's adopted.

a reply to: BiffWellington

Devious.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
For me this is one of the hardest parts about being a parent. I want to shelter my daughter away from all the assholes but I can't because she has to learn to deal with those types.

But she does need to have resilient behavier modeled for her.

So my daughter is 5. The girl she sits next to on the bus is a little asshole.

It doesn't help to model demeaning a child for a single act by labeling them "a little asshole".

My daughter colored her a picture and gave it to her when they were about to get on the bus and the kid ripped it up right there. I was so pissed but more hurt.
It hurts my feelings so much.

You are the grown-up. Put aside your feelings and help your daughter deal with hers. Tell her it is upsetting, but that she'll be fine - the feelings will pass. Don't let your feelings of hurt and anger overwhelm her. Her feelings are what are important.

My daughter asked me why she did that and I just said she is not a nice person. I told her not everyone is nice and not everyone wants to be friends.

Again, you reinforced the idea that people are good/bad. It's people's actions that are good or bad; useful or not useful; relationship building or relationship damaging.

It really does hurt me and is super hard to deal with.

It's so tough knowing your kids will have to deal with jerks and so far it is just 5 year old bull#. I can not imagine what it is like to have your kid be bullied and tormented...

It's rough

And yes 5 year olds can be assholes

Not unless they are taught to be that way by the actions of the adults around them.

originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: TinySickTears

The kids not really an asshole, not yet at least.
Kids tend to be a reflection of their parents so they are likely the assholes.

Your kid will just have to learn that not everyone is nice.

No friend I come from a big family and some kids are naturally lacking empathy or are psycho so it is not always on their parents....sure strong personality traits can be emulated.....but some kids are mean....I was a smart kid and extremely empathetic and intuitive and I made a career as a kid remediating bullies and mean kids.....lol....and I was remorseless every time I caught one being "themselves" I would arrange for strong repeated emphatic remediation within the group....I didnt know percentage of those kids were victims of abuse because I was only a kid myself but that is my only regret.

originally posted by: Deetermined

originally posted by: TJames
a reply to: TinySickTears

Conversation is cool.
I think you and other members are overly dramatic about BS school stuff.

You didn't participate much as a parent did you? I'm not even sure I believe that you actually have had a child.

LOL I don't care what you believe, my child wasn't raised wrapped up in cotton wool and is skilled regarding nasty people in the world as an adult.
Go softly stroke your little snowflake child if you like, they will see the real world one day when you won't be there to kiss their grazed knee lol

a reply to: TinySickTears

Tough lesson, but the world is full of people like that. Hard, as a parent, though. Just be sure she knows how to defend herself, and that doing so is alright.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
My daughter asked me why she did that and I just said she is not a nice person. I told her not everyone is nice and not everyone wants to be friends.
It really does hurt me and is super hard to deal with.

It's so tough knowing your kids will have to deal with jerks and so far it is just 5 year old bull#. I can not imagine what it is like to have your kid be bullied and tormented...

It's rough

And yes 5 year olds can be assholes

So now your daughter believes that there are nice people and not nice people. The child who hurt your feelings may well be a nice person - sometimes - and not so nice at other times.
Eventually your child will have everyone in the not nice box and she will be very lonely. All humans have times when they come across as assholes and all humans have times when they come across as sweeties.

You can teach your kids ALL the right lessons......then they get to go to school and all that you taught them gets flushed down the toilet. I lived in New York when my son started school. He came home from first day of first grade and promptly ask me what a B.J. was.....yes the sex act. I was stunned. I thought "damn I was in 3rd grade before that was a topic". I asked "who told you about this" his answer "a boy on the bus". My first thought was, I need to get my kids back down south & damn fast. Needless to say my son started 2nd grade in North Carolina.

After 2nd grade, I home schooled my kids. There's and old poem called "Children Learn What They Live" nothing is truer than that poem. Nothing. They do learn what they live. Good luck with your 5 year old, for me those days are long gone, mine are now 32 & 30. And you better believe a 5 year old can be an asshole. I've been one for 49 years started when I was 5. And do listen to fatfurrytexan....it gets worse as they age.

originally posted by: LadyGreenEyes
a reply to: TinySickTears

Tough lesson, but the world is full of people like that. Hard, as a parent, though. Just be sure she knows how to defend herself, and that doing so is alright.

While yes there are people who act in bad fashion with bad intent.

The vast majority, I'd say everyone really, act badly sometimes. It doesn't help to label bad acts, even bad patterns of behavior, as bad people.

It tends to exacerbate the poor behavior. The goal is to lessen bad acts towards others not encourage them.

There is also the perception. If you label someone bad/evil - yadda, yadda - you will see everything they do in that light and may miss some amazing insights.

originally posted by: FyreByrd

originally posted by: LadyGreenEyes
a reply to: TinySickTears

Tough lesson, but the world is full of people like that. Hard, as a parent, though. Just be sure she knows how to defend herself, and that doing so is alright.

While yes there are people who act in bad fashion with bad intent.

The vast majority, I'd say everyone really, act badly sometimes. It doesn't help to label bad acts, even bad patterns of behavior, as bad people.

It tends to exacerbate the poor behavior. The goal is to lessen bad acts towards others not encourage them.

There is also the perception. If you label someone bad/evil - yadda, yadda - you will see everything they do in that light and may miss some amazing insights.

True, to some extent, but there are bad people, and a lot with very bad intentions, and we have to teach our kids about both sorts. Takes effort, and some judgment, but it can be done. Some people are simply best avoided. Some, with bad behavior, can be dealt with.