Mississippi Fight Stories: The prequel: Lessons Learned

I think I’m gonna tell 4 stories of fist fight situations that occurred in (I think) 1998. All the following stories took place inVicksburg, MS over about a 3-4 month period.. maybe less.. I haven’t had a reason to tell these stories in a long time, and I feel like reliving them a bit.

I put on a pretty good show in the stories to follow, so I figured I would tell one where I did not preform well to help establish that I’m being honest in the stories to come..and that I in no way EVER considered myself unbeatable or whatever..


This took place around 1997ish..

I was 16 and hanging out with a close friend and a couple not so great friends at an apartment complex’s pool.. My close friend , Freddy had taken a xanex, a drug I despise and he was pretty out of it..

We were all just hanging out and goofing off when one of the not so great friends, John decided he was going to throw Freddy In the pool fully dressed..

Now John was a pretty big guy and had always been a dick.. he thought he was tough and was more than a little bit of a bully, but it’s usually funny to watch an intoxicated person get thrown into a pool fully dressed. So when he does it we all laugh heartily..

Getting thrown in the pool wakes Freddy up and obviously he is PISSED!l!!! Even more so by the fact we all think it was hilarious!

Freddy drags himself out of the pool raising hell while slurring due to his xanex induced stupor..


This everyone continues to think is funny, myself included..

But then John being his normal bully of a self, decides he wants to fight Freddy for talking smack to him.. after he just threw the kid fully dressed into the pool..


Well the pool thing was funny and harmless, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let him beat up my helplessly intoxicated buddy..

Espeacially when in my opinion he deserved to talk as much smack as he wanted.. he was just thrown into a pool fully dressed!!!!!


So at this point I stop spectating and jump in between the two, getting chest to chest with John..

I tell him he isn’t doing anything to Freddy and to back the hell off, he had earned any smack talk Freddy gave him..

We bow up to each other for a min or so, with me trying to diagnose weather or not we are actually going to fight.


Then he hits me in the mouth... hard.. while Standing flat footed, chest out and braced. So I’m sure I made a best case scenerio target.. or worst case scenerio target if your my mouth..

I go down and don’t want anymore of old John that night..

He split my lip down to the white meat and the cut almost reached my nose.. it was bad.. it likely took a month to heal and was just super inconvenient as it was hard to eat and impossible to get a date . Lol




However, I did learn an oh, so valuable lesson.. when faced with a situation that is likely to escalate to violence. Swing first, and swing often..

The worst hit ever is always that first shot, while your standing still with your chest out and flat footed. The punches that come once the fighting starts I. Earnest are rarely very soild.. the vast majority are just grazing blows as it is just monumentally harder to hit someone squarely while they are ducking, dodging and trying to hit you..

But that first shot when the other guy hesitated and you don’t.. usually decides the fight one way or the other..

So that was the first and last time I hesitated when I was pretty sure it was going down one way or the other..

a reply to: JoshuaCox

I remember an incident like this back around 1940. I was about 6 years old. My friends Spanky, Alfalfa, and Buckwheat, and I were all hanging at the little spot where you queue to go down the slide.

Spank had just eaten like 4 whole rolls of candy buttons and was wired. When we all got ready to go down the slide he just pushed everyone out of the way and went first. Alfafa and Buckwheat looked at me and I was like 'oh, now it's on'.

We were so PO'ed we didn't even go down the slide. We walked down and stood in a circle around Spanky. He was so out of it on refined sugars I don't even think he knew what he did. You could see it in the dilated pupils as his eyes darted around wildly.

I was like 'what's up?'

He asked why we didn't go down the slide. I kept him talking while Buckwheat snuck up behind him. Buckwheat kicked him in the butt and called him a fatty.

Spanky started crying. We ran down to the old Apple tree. Spanky tried to come over, but we wouldn't have it so we threw crab apples at him until he went home crying.

I didn't see him again until he was on his death bed. His body ravaged with diabetes from the sugar addiction. He apologized for going down the slide first. It told him it was cool and he could let go of the worldly coil holding him to the earth because all was forgiven. It was time for him to go to the big slide in the sky

All true.

More of my exploits to come over the next few days. If you thought this one was crazy, just you wait.

a reply to: Ksihkehe


I like the one were you baked the cake and filled it with meth.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: Ksihkehe


I like the one were you baked the cake and filled it with meth.

The hardest part was putting the whole cake in my rectum to get it through customs, not gonna lie or make things up to make myself out to look good. Didn't plan that one through.

a reply to: Ksihkehe


If I recall from that documentary episode the cake contained a rat trap, a hair brush and a pipe among other bulky objects.

You truly are a bad ass mofo.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: Ksihkehe


If I recall from that documentary episode the cake contained a rat trap, a hair brush and a pipe among other bulky objects.

You truly are a bad ass mofo.

And a live endangered octopus for the Miami Seaquarium. It got into the meth. Try explaining that to the cephalopod curator at a second rate seaquarium. Almost cost me a finger. I threw a corndog in the stingray petting pool on my way out. Nobody disrespects me and gets away with it.

That's just how we measured ourselves against others in my neighborhood. How good we were at bakers confections and how much we could smuggle across the Mexican border in said confections. Rectally of course.

The punches that come once the fighting starts I. Earnest are rarely very soild.. the vast majority are just grazing blows as it is just monumentally harder to hit someone squarely while they are ducking, dodging and trying to hit you..

Jesus, you guys must be swingin' like windmills.
Stay on your toes, step inside those haymakers and punch.

a reply to: JoshuaCox

Just ignore the clowns and finish your stories .

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

That's pretty impressive, but didn't DB once smuggle Gunther through customs like that? Now THAT is a BAMF.

a reply to: DAVID64

I became some what locally known for a move roughly like that..

I’m a smaller guy, so a big guy trying to intimidate you will usually bow up to you chest out and attempt to tower over you..

When that would happen I would put my hands up in submission and start to take a step back like I don’t want any trouble.

If he keeps comming forward like a bulldog. I plant my back foot, swap my momentum tward my opponent and swing for the fences dead up the middle and keep swinging..

straight up the middle, nothing fancy and no haymakers..just feed them straight up the middle and hopfully never allow them to regain their footing.,

a reply to: Sheye

Why thank you!

a reply to: JoshuaCox

You became locally known for employing the basics of boxing?

I, for one, have found your stories incredibly entertaining. So, thank you for sharing!

I hope there are many more to come.

a reply to: Serdgiam

Well really for being 5’8, 150lbs and either winning or putting on a really good show in multiple situations where logically I had no reasonable chance of winning.. all within a few months and all with 30+ witnesses..

So Small town and all , everyone knew..

The last story is a 2 parter sconce one event leads directly into the other, but will take awhile to write.. so I’ve been too lazy to start it.

Lol

It has been my experience that real" tough guys "
Do not feel the need to tell "tough guy" stories..

Real "tough guys" have stories told about them.

No offense op ..

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Oh I make it no secret I got lucky in every situation listed..