Is It Now Considered “Sexual Misconduct” to Ask For Sex?

a reply to: Metallicus

Because no always means no, yes doesn't always mean yes, because consent can be given under duress. One way that happens a lot is when there's a power imbalance in the relationship and one person doesn't feel like they can say no.

originally posted by: DISRAELI
a reply to: Metallicus
What they are doing (though they may not know it yet) is working towards restoring the old ethic of "no sex outside marriage".

Not really, instead what it's saying is only have sex with your equals, otherwise abuse is potentially going on. It's not exactly a hard standard to understand. If there's a power imbalance, then stay away. That's not even a new concept.

originally posted by: Aazadan
Not really, instead what it's saying is only have sex with your equals...

That's just not possible for some of us.

originally posted by: dawnstar
when was "back in the day" and just how old are you? My mom was a bartender "Back in the day" when it wasn't illegal for minors to be in bars as long as they weren't served alcoholic drinks... there were many times that I ended up going to the bar and watching her work because there was no one else to watch over me. I remember the fights. There were many bad words said. but I don't remember any of these overly drunk people ever joking about how women just let them grab them by their privates or really disrespecting the women in the bar much at all...
if you go back any further than this, you get to the place where sex wasn't really talked about much when there was women present. oh ya, the rape and sexual harassment was happening, but it was always kept in the background I think.

so just when was this back in the day you are talking about?? my guess is that it wasn't any further back than the late 60's early 70's.. when our whole perception and attitude surrounding sex changed.

Thanks ... I needed to read and think about what you said , because it holds a lot of truth. I tend to romanticize the good ol' days of moral value , but I forget about the cruelty and suppression.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
That's just not possible for some of us.

It looks like celibacy is in your future then.

a reply to: Caver78

I've been out the dating market for a couple of decades.
From my experience it seemed a man should at least ask before making physical advances that might be unwanted.
The whole "grab something and hope you don't get slapped idea" never was my style.
It's gotten to the point where anything one does or says can twisted against them on the word of another person.

a reply to: Metallicus

I think that rather depends on the situation at hand.

To my mind, it should be necessary, before a person requests some sort of sexual dalliance, that some form of chemistry is present, and both parties acknowledge as much in terms which banish ambiguity.

That is, perhaps an old fashioned ideal, but its one I stick to.

is it just me or does “asking for sex” come off as pathetic and desperate?

That's irrelevant, as well as immature, demeaning, insensitive and being an obnoxious ass.
This effort to criminalize men is wrong.

I've solved this entire problem for myself. I simply don't interact with women (especially American/Canadian women) at all on a social level anymore and professionally as little as absolutely required. Its just not worth the risk of accusation.I don't talk to them. I divert my view the moment there is a possibility that looking in their general direction might be interpreted as looking at them. I huddle in my personal space waiting patiently for the day that all men's problems are solved by realistic, AI based fem bots hitting the market. It's too bad, such a loss. Before this culture of self-centric, rambitious, trigger happy women, they were the graceful, elegant, compassionate part of our society that kept us men from spiraling into the abyss.

"Will you not have sex with me?"

Problem solved.

a reply to: Metallicus

What Louis C.K. did went beyond flirting and asking for sex, but that's not the point of my reply.

What I'm surprised about is the amount of workplace flirting that's happening. I had no idea people flirted so much at work, and that so many folks think it's okay.

Women are mad as hell, and they're not going to take it any more. And good for them. There's too much sexual harassment that happens, clearly, judging by what women are saying.

a reply to: gb540

??? really, that solves the problem, leaving it to the women to express her undesire not to have sex? otherwise, you think that men have the right to just assume??
get real!!! my god, what the heck is wrong with society today!!
women goes into job interview and now, is obligated to say that no, she doesn't desire to have sex with her bosses and coworkers....

a reply to: Kettu

I don't think to many "MEN" are talking about victim shaming on a forum.

originally posted by: dawnstar

women goes into job interview and now, is obligated to say that no, she doesn't desire to have sex with her bosses and coworkers....

I gonna break one of the cardinal rules of Man Club, but here goes.

When a chick, any chick, talks to us we automatically think she wants to do lay down dancing.

And God forbid if you touch our arm, then we have to flex it for like 5 minutes.

originally posted by: skalla
So are we asking if its ok to just start wanking infront of folk when the mood takes us, cos that is what he did.

Are we asking that?

If it's appropriate, or maybe crosses a line?

Well it sure us a tricky dilemma, that.

I've honestly lost respect for some posters the last few days.

"It's not fair that I get called a creepy perv for asking random strangers to blow me," lol, these clowns are absolutely unreal.

Yesterday we had a poster conflate rape with the "joys of sex," lol.

What a bunch of pathetic ham-fisting losers. Creepy as all #, too.

originally posted by: CB328

is it just me or does “asking for sex” come off as pathetic and desperate?

That's irrelevant, as well as immature, demeaning, insensitive and being an obnoxious ass.
This effort to criminalize men is wrong.

Men don't ask strangers to "have sex with me."

Your victim card bores me, boy.

This is why I don't even compliment women anymore. Simply telling a woman she looks nice or something innocuous could be misconstrued. I really don't even joke around women anymore either.

I'm glad I am not single having to deal with these flaky chicks these days. Heck, if I were a celeb, I wouldn't smash no chick, groupie, etc unless I filmed it at this point.

originally posted by: CraftBuilder
I've solved this entire problem for myself. I simply don't interact with women (especially American/Canadian women) at all on a social level anymore and professionally as little as absolutely required. Its just not worth the risk of accusation.I don't talk to them. I divert my view the moment there is a possibility that looking in their general direction might be interpreted as looking at them. I huddle in my personal space waiting patiently for the day that all men's problems are solved by realistic, AI based fem bots hitting the market. It's too bad, such a loss. Before this culture of self-centric, rambitious, trigger happy women, they were the graceful, elegant, compassionate part of our society that kept us men from spiraling into the abyss.

So you can't simply have an intelligent conversation with a woman without letting your hormones take over, or fear of that happening. You have obviously never learned how to be a gentleman and converse in appropriate ways or you would not have this irrational fear of females.

Women deeply respect men who know where to draw the line with inappropriate conversation , yet manage to have enlightening , intelligent exchange of thoughts and ideas. Thank you to those gentlemen out there. You are appreciated more than you may realize.

Edit: Sorry ... after refeading your post I see you are more concerned with the hypersensitive females... but they may not be so hypersensitive if men did not treat them as sexual conquests for the most part. Your compliment on a woman on her looks is innocent enough, but it depends on expectations that go with it .

originally posted by: DBCowboy

But I have to ask the question. . .

Are we "diluting" the severity of sexual assault by over-using the term/accusation?

If we over-use the term, like racism, we weaken it when it really does happen.

We lessen the impact.

There was a series of ads they ran on transit here for a while that pissed a lot of people off for just that reason. They had one with a guy staring at some girl and another one with a girl touching a guya leg with her knee with these big scary sexual assault comes in many forms call the police or something like that. They had a few different ones with examples of Turns out a lot of people were offended by the ads because they pretty much equated someone making you feel uncomfortable on the bus with rape.