Pardon Me - TG2017

“Do you shoot everybody you meet?”
“I haven't shot you yet.”
“Yeah, don't do me any favors.”
“Whats this birds name anyway?”
“Leo. We're just supposed to take him in to protective custody. That means we don't shoot him or beat him up or jump off any buildings with him.”
“Thats not fair – the building guy lived.”
“That's beside the point. I'm getting too old for this #.”
“You and me both.”
“With any luck Leo will too.”

Riggs grabs Leo by his scrawny neck and shoves him in the back seat of the car.

“Why do you have to treat the little guy like that? He's not a perp.”
“Yeah, well he must have done something wrong.”
“But he's still in our custody. We're responsbile for him.”
“Thats what the book says.”
“I'm surprised you ever saw the book”
“'I've thrown it at a few people...”
“Very funny.”

“Ok ok ok ok, I get it, I get it – bad cop bad cop. I know all the cop tricks.”
“Shut up!”
“Ok ok ok ok, I get it.”
“Shut up!”

“What are we supposed to do with this guy anyway?”
“We keep him alive until we hand him off to the next team. Thats all.”
“Cant happen fast enough for me.”
“Hey, we finally agree on something.”

“That's not very nice.”

“Shut up!”

An exdplosion rocks the car which turns onto its back skidding to a halt, Riggs and Murtaugh unconcious in the front seat. Leo is yanked through an open window and taken.

Wednessday, November 22nd
11:07 AM
A black suv squeels through traffic and screeches to a halt, its path blocked by the overturned car. A man emeerges from the drivers side shouting instructions into a mic on a head set as he runs after the kidnappers.

“I need real time satellite images on the east end of the bridge.”
“15 seconds Jack, back up is rolling.”
“What do we know about these guys? Why do they want Leo?”
“They belong to a paramilitary group whose slogan is, “Eat more Chikin”. They have a laundry list of poulty offenses and it looks like they recently made the jump from rhetoric to action.”
“This is no back yard BBQ. These guys are pros, well funded and motivated.”
“Where's that back up?”
“Half a mile and closing Jack. They have a car for you.”
“Have local law enforcement set up perimiters at 4 and 6 blocks. Check every vehicle, no exceptions.”

11:33 AM
“How did they get through our perimiter?”
“We're still working on that Jack.”
“I want to talk to the local in charge, who is it?”

“McClain. Detective John McClain.”
“McClain, how did you let these guys get away?”
“Hey. we weren't invited to your little party until the # was already in the fan. If you had come to us sooner maybe this wouldn't have happened.”
“I don't have time to argue. We need a plan and we need it now. Leo has to be in D.C. by tommorrow morning to meet the President.”
“Head North on 4th street.”
“Why?”
“Thats restaurant road, unless you have a better idea...”

Leo struggled agaisnt his attackers to no avail. The black sack on his head closed out everything but the smell of deep fryers that ran 24/7.

“Arent you the lucky one – the Colonel wants to meet you.”

12:10 PM
The Colonel sat behind his enormous desk in his immaculate white suit fingering the black southern style bow tie around his neck when his phone rang. He answered to a brusque voice...

“I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a ransom, I can tell you I don't have any money. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills I've acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let Leo go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I WILL LOOK FOR YOU. I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL KILL YOU.”

The Colonel slammed the phone down, his face contorted with rage.
“EXTRA CRISPY.”

Leo could feel the heat of the deep fryers in the room. The oil suspended in the air sticking in his throat. He knew his time was coming to an end.

The lights began to flicker, static electricty arcing through the air. A sphere of intense energy appeared nearby, small shafts of lightening shooting from its edges. A puff a smoke and the scent of ozone accompanied the appearance of a giant of a man, features chisled in stone, who extended a brawny hand to Leo saying, “Come with me if you want to live...”

12:55 PM
“Look at this Scully. A perfect spherical shape cut right out of the concrete. Do you knw how much energy it takes to do that?”
“Energy, or two guys with hammers and chisles and a lot of free time.”
“Come on Scully, you know that's not what happened here.”
“No, I don't know that Mulder. And neither do you. That's the problem.”
“So how do you explain the reports of a giant naked man just appearing out of nowhere?”
“Wishful thinking. Look at these people Mulder, they obviously don't get out much.”
“What does a giant naked guy want with Leo anyway?”
“Don't go there Mulder...”

1:09 PM
“Special agents Scully and Mulder, and you are?”
“Oh great, more Feds.”
“Jack Bauer, CTU. FBI will be back up on this operation. I need all your intel now.”
“We're just looking for a giant naked guy.”
“Yippie kay yay motherf....”
“I think we're done here.”

Early the next morning, peering out of the opening in a saddle bag on the side of a Harley where he had been unceremoniously stuffed, Leo could see a sign that read Pennsylvania Ave. It looked like he would get his pardon after all.

Standing on the dais next to the POTUS Leo finally started to relax. Until he caught a glimpse of a nearby Secret Service agent morph into hillary holding a bowl of chestnut stuffing.

The End.


Credit:
"Lethal Weapon"
"24"
Chick-fil-A
"Die Hard"
Kentucky Fried Chicken
"Taken"
"The Terminator"
"The X-Files"

a reply to: Vroomfondel

Heh heh, good on ya mate. Great tale,

kind regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Thank you very much. :-)

a reply to: Vroomfondel

That was inspired!