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Softball with AugustusMasonicus: Season II

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posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 09:32 AM
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This is for all you costal elite mamby pamby women, and your soy boys, out there who don't have any concept of how the rest of the nation functions. Somewhere down there in flyover country are the people who you stereotype as gun-loving, Bible-reading, country music-listening, traditional-marrying rednecks. But they're not. They actually enjoy classical music, so get bent jackweeds.

Our next guest knows how the real world operates and can do things that the rest of you cannot, like child rearing, housekeeping and plowing. She can seed the back forty and still have enough time to chicken fry a steak. So put down your gluten free, vegan, organic, locally sourced, fair trade quinoa smoothie and welcome Ketsuko.

 




    AM: As a native of Kansas which programs do you like to see your state’s net Federal income tax surplus go to?

    KS: Federal income tax surplus? News to me. How’d that happen? Basically, a surplus should never happen. If it did, they took too much away from us, so maybe, they should give it back.

    If they can’t, it’s a lost cause. The teachers would cry and sue and the state supreme court would award it all to education. Usually, that’s a good thing, but in Kansas over 45% of the state budget goes to education.

    AM: Why would a state in flyover country name a city after Manhattan? Is San Francisco next?

    KS: Only if Lawrence feels left out because it's Lawrence and not San Francisco. But really, we all call it Manhappiness.

    AM: Speaking of San Fran, what’s your favorite sanctuary city?

    KS: Aren't they all?

    AM: When Trump won the election you….

    KS: ...shrugged and mainly said, "This is why we still all go and vote." Honestly, I was just mainly relieved we were spared Hillary, but I was never a huge Trump fan.

    AM: Are any of your relatives Hillary supports and would you make them Hemlock Salad if they came over for dinner?

    KS: Ha! I would guess a good chunk of my dad's side of the family starting with a certain aunt and her Prius-driving, Obama bumper-sticker-sporting brood, but she and her daughter are the only really politically obnoxious ones, and truthfully, they've been obnoxious about everything ever since I can remember.

    Hemlock salad? Nah ... I'd go more for that food poisoning in Airplane! About the time the uncontrollable flatulence set in, I'd feel like revenge was well and truly served.

    AM: Tariffs; good or bad and why?

    KS: I love the idea of free trade. I really do, but it has to be real free trade doesn't it? Where husband is at, he gets a good look at the down and dirty in international trade, and we very often play against a stacked deck. Free trade, in other words, isn't really free.

    Not exactly an answer, but in another way, it is.

    AM: Who do you feel has the best chance to win the Presidency from Donald Trump on the Democrats side?

    KS: Someone we haven't even seen yet.

    AM: Who has a better chance of making it into a bowl; the Wildcats or Cheerios?

    KS: Over under on the homeside says we could get a 7-5 season +/- 2 depending on how the WR core and certain elements on the D-side shape up. The other glaring weakness exposed at spring game is that for the first time in the Snyder era, we seem to not have a competent kicker and/or punter which hamstrings our always impeccable special team play.
    Cheerios are always reliable to get into a bowl, but let's be fair ... in today's BCS environment, your team has to be freakin' dead to *not* make a bowl.

    So unless the entire team falls over wracked with injuries and our best offensive weapon ends up being a JUCO WR transfer who suddenly discovers he can QB ... (referencing the injury fiasco of a few seasons ago), we should easily be able to equal the Cheerios.

    And you never discount the ability of zombie Snyder to figure out how to win with darn near any collection of anything suited up to play.

     




posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 09:33 AM
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    AM: What is an action Trump took that you didn’t agree with?

    KS: Honestly, I really don't like how he uses Twitter even though I do find the media vapors to be entertaining. If it weren't for all that pearl clutching, it would be utterly annoying and irredeemable.

    I'm also not sure why Jared and Ivanka are so close in the administration. I do disagree with that. All I can keep thinking there is "He went to Jared?" like the jewelry store commercial.

    AM: Alrighty, time for the Softballs. Favorite sports team?

    KS: KSU Wildcats, duh. Once upon a time, I was part of one of their sports teams, so I do come by it honestly.

    AM: Favorite film to come out of Hollyweird?

    KS: Aliens - Some people can quote all of Monty Python and the Holy Grail (OK, I can do that one too), but I can quote all of this one.

    AM: Favorite book besides the Farmer's Almanac?

    KS: Watership Down - I've worn out two copies of it. And the movie rocks too. Not sure why so many people are scarred by it. Maybe I escaped that because I was watching so many nature docs at such a tender age.

    AM: Favorite thing to eat besides a Leftist's lunch?

    KS: Meal is tough. Once I would have said sushi and I still love it, but recently, I've picked up a real liking for those little taco dives. You know, the hole-in-the-wall joints where you can sometimes find the really funky, but darn good. You know you're on the right track when your husband has to rely on his Spanish experience to order and it has an extensive salsa bar.

    AM: How much do you like tornados and which mythical place would you like to see one transport you to?

    KS: I'd like tornados a lot better if they'd hoover up a few of society's bigger turds and take them somewhere to leave the rest of us in peace. As for where they go? I don't care. Send them to paradise, just don't leave them here.

    AM: Persons(s) on ATS that you’d most like to get funnel cake with?

    KS: Who's vegan? Most funnel cakes aren't vegan, so that would be fun.

    If you mean who do I think I'd have a good time getting funnel cake with ... there are quite a few people here who'd be a trip for all kinds of reasons.



    Ketsuko may or may not be the alter ego of a 450 lb phone sex worker stuck in a trailer park in Rapid City, S. Dakota. Her trade name could be Bamm B., and you might run across it inked on bathroom stalls in truck stops along I-90. In her spare time, she likes to create fantasies about life as a semi-bored housewife.



How you doing sissy pants? You still trembling in your safe space? Not surprised. Don't worry, you can now return to your normal routine of pilates, psychotherapy and spending other people's money, the bad person is gone, but think twice next time when you flip the bird out of the airplane window on your next transcon flight. You never know who's watching.

Ketsuko, thanks for taking time from your busy day, hopefully the farmstead didn't completely collapse without you. I'm sure between the uncontrollable fits of crying that our guests learned something important about corn or whatever it is you people grow out there. Your parting gifts today are a team of oxen and a Jayhawk (whatever the hell that is). Until next time.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 11:00 AM
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Another great one by two of my favorite ATS intellectuals.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 11:08 AM
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a reply to: IAMTAT


There was another intellectual besides K?



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 11:13 AM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: IAMTAT


There was another intellectual besides K?


Admittedly, not a very high bar here.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 11:14 AM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm sparticus.
Does that count?.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 11:22 AM
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The bar just got lower.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 12:02 PM
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I don't like to name names on the "who would like to" questions, but in this case I will change my mind and make an exception:

I actually would have liked to have funnel cakes with Kali74. We either would have had a great time or killed each other - no middle ground on that, and strangely, it still kicks me in the gut every time I think of her even though we disagreed vehemently on everything.



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 01:58 PM
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Another great interview! Thank you Mason for alerting me on this one! Thank you Ketsuko for allowing the Mason to abuse, I mean interview you!



posted on Jun, 10 2018 @ 02:10 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

It was hard, but the Bamms is used to playing rough.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 05:58 AM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
Another great one by two of my favorite ATS intellectuals.





That reminds me, where is DB?
edit on 11-6-2018 by FauxMulder because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 06:02 AM
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originally posted by: FauxMulder
That reminds me, where is DB?


I'm right here.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 06:53 AM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm gonna need a refund unless you at least get in costume.




posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 06:57 AM
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a reply to: FauxMulder


That was our screen test for Gandalf.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 07:59 AM
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Sorry I missed the interview, was in the toilet.


But Kansas isn't really a place, is it? I thought that was a band name in the 70's.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 08:04 AM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
was in the toilet.


+


But Kansas isn't really a place, is it?


= same thing



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 08:20 AM
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a reply to: FauxMulder


I'm on the west coast.
I know my states except for the one called, "Midwest". I hear they have corn, tornadoes and mullets.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 08:37 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

I once woke up drunk in Midwest. Some strange people there told me about a mythical place called "Canada".

I actually believed it for a minute. What a sucker I was. Canada, HA!



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 09:37 AM
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originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: DBCowboy

I once woke up drunk in Midwest. Some strange people there told me about a mythical place called "Canada".

I actually believed it for a minute. What a sucker I was. Canada, HA!


Canada is a town in northern Montana.


I tried to buy some bacon there once. They tried to sell me round ham instead.



posted on Jun, 11 2018 @ 09:57 AM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
They tried to sell me round ham instead.


Isn't 'Round Ham' your current stripper name?



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