posted on Mar, 4 2018 @ 10:42 AM
AM: Mrs. Doubtfire, Tootsie, John Leguizamo or Hillary Swank, who wears it better?
AB: I’ve never seen those first two movies nor any movies with Hillary Swank in them. However, Johnny Leguizamo looks absolutely pimp in anything he
wears so the answer will always be Johnny Leguizamo.
AM: Time for the easy questions. Favorite restaurant?
AB: Aside from where I work, I really really really dig this vegan place called Paradox. I’m not vegan myself so it’s not a place I would have
ever thought of eating at (I don’t generally choose places for the food, anyway) but I’m glad my girlfriend took me there. Their special tater tot
dish is seriously the best thing I have ever ordered in a restaurant. Ever.
But like I said, food isn’t normally a draw for me. I’m more into unique ratty dives.
Oh! I’m also quite fond of this arcade/bar downtown. The games are actual real arcade games (none of that ticket crap) and have drink holders on the
sides of them for each player to hold their beer. Nothing cooler than having a dude buy you a beer and a round of Mortal Kombat.
AM: Favorite film?
AB: Depends on my mood. Robocop fits all of them, though. There is something about a character being faced with a biological imperative that
forces change upon them in order to survive, only to deal with mistrust and skepticism from society afterwards. Can’t quite put my finger on why I
relate to Murphy’s transition so much...
AM: Favorite sports team.
AB: I usually wouldn’t be able to tell you what sport any given team plays if you named them. But I have an interesting way of predicting the
winning team (my boyfriend is getting increasingly annoyed by this). If he’s watching a game, I’ll ask him who’s playing. I then decide who
would win in a fight based on the names. For example, I predicted the Eagles would beat the Patriots because Eagles are flying predators and Patriots
wear tri-corner hats and have muskets. Muskets are horrible for hunting eagles in the sky and their hats are perfectly-shaped to collect bird poop in
the worst ways.
So when I played out the fight in my head, it ended with a bunch of bloody, eyeless, poop-covered patriot militiamen crawling away while the eagles
made nests out of the tri-corner hats. And who won? That’s right.
AM: Favorite TV show besides Portlandia?
AB: Well I am human so Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead are obviously in the forefront. Beyond that, I don’t have much time to
watch shows. But I like to have something on while I get ready in the morning so I sometimes watch reruns of old shows (Firefly, Archer,
Futurama, etc) or shows with my daughter. I’m especially happy because she’s finally old enough to watch Bob’s Burgers (yesssssssss).
Still won’t let her watch Dora the Explorer, though.
AM: Nicest thing someone said to you after you transitioned?
AB: Actually, this just happened a couple of weeks ago. Where I work has three owners and I’m close friends with two of them (I specifically work
for these two) but the third one, I had never met. She runs the strip club portion of things (we are a Mexican food/dive bar/strip club type of
place). I was downstairs, bent down, taking inventory and she demands “When are you going to audition for me”. I was startled and stammered out
that I would like to lose about 15 pounds first and she said “Pffttt… you’ve seen some of the girls here, that’s no excuse” and then I had
to explain that I was waiting for a special operation. She looked at me for about five seconds before her face changed and was all like
“ohhhhhhhh…” She apologized for “offending” me for what was an extremely flattering and affirming moment for me. I thought the irony of the
moment deserved its own place in my heart.
Aaaand that’s how I met the third owner; in flurry of sexual harassment and awkward personal disclosure. It’s also when I made the decision to
take pole dancing lessons after my surgery.
Abysha scratches out a living in a wet and dreary northwestern town, catering to drunks and strippers in her spare time. She is a relationship nerd
who enjoys interesting dynamics with a variety of people but is hyper focused on her family and loved ones. With aspirations of spending a chunk of
her older years as the first ex-stripper mayor of Portland, she has decidedly narrowed her studies to watching strippers and politicians instead of
reading books or learning new things. For research purposes, of course.
She is also considering a life dedicated to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and becoming a nun. And donning a habit. Then taking it off for money.
Either way, she’s going to be wearing a habit at some point.
Alrighty then. Somewhere around the 5th or 6th question I started wondering how I was going to get this out of my head and relaized that it was never
going to happen, the trauma was going to be permenent. I mean really, here I was thinking 'those people' were strange but it ends up they actually
like Mexican food and tater tots like I do. What kind of sick society are we cultivating?
Abysha, thanks for joining us today and laying yourself bare for us. It was great having you expose your person publically and I think it helped
further gender matters while not harming any children in the process (we hope). I'd normally hand out a parting gift but you kinda have it all, right?
Or will have it all. I'm not sure. Pics please.
Until next time.