It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.


AToSsers do London.

page: 1

log in


posted on Feb, 11 2005 @ 04:57 PM

Canon Balls

MC Babyphat

Astral Arse

Myn The Merciless

We arrived in London on the BA flight. At least I'm fairly sure it was the BA flight; I don't arrange it. This was the first tour of our band, the AToSsers.

We all got on the bus that was waiting for us outside the terminal.

"It's like 'eaven in 'ere!" Disastar exclaimed as he looked around the bus, filled wall to wall with woman and booze. He's right- it IS Heaven!

"Hang on, I need to go for a slash." That was Astral Arse. "Oi put it away, man!" I yelled. He was p***ing all over the floor! "I hope you're gonna clean that mess up." It was Myn the Merciless. She was cold. Damn cold. We were s*it scared of her, and we didn't even get half the sh*t the roadies did.

"Yes, Myn, o o o o of course."

"Good. Now sit down." Arse sat down quickly. We knew not to mess with Myn.

I quickly poured myself a double Scotch. When I say poured, I mean from the bottle into my mouth. I saw the other guys get into the booze and bourbon, too.

"Fark, what's the time?" asked Babyphat. "Nine in the morning" I replied. "Fark. I'm far overdue for a bird. 'Ello there, lovely," he crooned to the groupie next to him.

They soon became aqquianted in the best traditions of Rock.

It didn't take long for us to reach our destination- the Hilton.

"Hello, sirs," the Manager greeted us in the lobby. "P*ss off!" Disastar screamed. "Yeah, you kn*b." I added.

He looked thunderstruck. Ah well. Sh*t happens when you mess with the best.

"Here, do something with this." I handed him my now empty bottle, now refilled with my own p*ss. That's the way the Rock lifestyle goes; one moment you're in a bus, the next you're handing a bottle of your urine to a stranger.

Wandering up to our rooms, we quickly established the location of the mini bar. Hell, we wern't paying for it! From next door I could hear the sounds of smashing. I walked out to my balcony. Suddenly, a TV flew through the window of the room next to me. Disastar appeared out of the window.Babyphat had turned up next to me. "What the f*ck are you doing?" he yelled over. "Nothing on, mate!" "Fair enough then!"

"Hey, Canon Balls, lets hit the pub" Arse said to me. "Yeah alright. You lot coming?"


"Too bloody right!"

"Can't see why not."

We were in agreement, then. To the pub.

"Wait a moment, I need to have a p*ss," I told them. I unleashed myself from the balcony. I'm not sure what the people fifteen stories below would have thought, having had a TV and then human waste raining down upon them. Haha. Pun.

In a half drunken stumble we made our way to the hotel bar. Myn had vanished for the moment. She often did that. We like to think she's arranging more booze.

"Oi, you. What time's the boozer open eh?" Babyphat cordially asked the Manager.

"Midday, sir."

"But it's 9.30 already!"

"I'm sure we can make an exception."

We exchanged looks. He would probably regret that decision later.


Note: The characters of this story of excess and Rock are all based on real people from ATS. They know who they are and can sound off if they like.

posted on Feb, 11 2005 @ 05:17 PM
A fascinating work of fiction. I do believe it needs more aliens and weirdos like that, there may even be a scene where the shroud of Turin mysteriously appears. That Myn the Merciless sounds awful, I can't imagine someone like that really existing, you must have a wonderful imagination.

Keep up the good work. and the medication.

posted on Feb, 11 2005 @ 06:01 PM
BabyPhat!! BabyPhat!!!

I have no idea who that could be.....

posted on Feb, 11 2005 @ 06:35 PM
And who on earth is this Disastar fella?

posted on Feb, 16 2005 @ 07:51 PM

posted on Feb, 17 2005 @ 04:49 PM
Placeholder text idea didn't work, so here's the next bit.

Arse walked up to the bar.

"A beer, if you will, my good man."

"I'm sorry sir, we're out of beer. The truck's due to arrive this afternoon."


"I really am sorry, sir."


"We've got some wine..."

"F*ck the wine! GUYS! GUYS! Did you's 'ear that? They got no beer!"

"Those a*seholes!"

"What kind of boozer is this?"

"Do they have women at least?"

Needless to say, the band was incensed.

"BAR FIIIIIIIGHT!" yelled out Disastar.

This is a sacred call to Rockers. You say "bar fight" unless you're ready to back up your words.

I saw Arse smack out the barman, then hop over the bar and putting his mouth under the whisky dispenser. The manager was in the corner looking decidedly worried.

A security man tried to come up behind me and put on the ground. I don't bloody think so, mate! I elbowed him and he went down like a sack of potatoes.

All round me, the fight was continuing. Disastar was hitting a security guard over the head with a scotch bottle. Babyphat I could see advancing towards the manager. That guy doesn't seem to have the best of luck.

Suddenly, the sounds of smashing glass. A window had dissapeared! Wait, no it was just Myn and some young toyboy looking guy was laying outside.

"He didn't put out."

I picked up a chair and smashing it against the wall. No reason, just felt like it. I could see that Disastar had picked up a table and...walked right out the door with it. He came back in just a minute.

"Where the f*ck were you?"

"Oh. The table, made of Oak you know. I need a new table."

"Fair enough."

"Awwwright, nobody move!"

Oh sh*t, THE FUZZ.

We bolted out the new door that was once a window, Myn's ex still groaning on the ground, mumbling something. Sounded like, "My balls, my balls. She kneed me in the balls!"

Poor bugger. Oh well, we had better things to worry about. Like the 20 cops running after us!


posted on Feb, 17 2005 @ 05:16 PM
So far I think tis a great story! Keep adding, can not wait to see what happens!

posted on Feb, 19 2005 @ 09:51 AM
ahhhh.... Disastar... Rock Star, Brawler, and most importantly of all, Removals Man

Nice work Del, keep it going!

posted on Jul, 2 2005 @ 06:09 PM
Wonder why we were not asked to play at Live8?

Ah well, I never did like the larger venues anyway....

*Goes back to ignoring Daystar*

top topics


log in