It's Never About The Cookie...or is it?
So it begins, the argument lasted all night. She was so upset! And he had no idea why he was getting his soul ripped out. Trying hard to figure it out
before she asks (she always asks if he has any idea why she's mad), he finally narrows it down to one event...the eating of the cookie.
That couldn't be it though, could it? A cookie couldn't have turned her into a screaming banshee. But it had to be it, cuz that's when everything
went down hill. When he turned his face up from the plate of cookies and she saw him munching on one of her home made, freshly baked,
delights...that's when she lost it.
Let's take a look at the events that lead to this debacle from both of their points of view.
Last night she stayed up well past midnight trying to get the cookies done for school tomorrow. The school did a bake sale every so often to pay for
extra curricular activities, school trips and such. She'd promised her youngest that she would make some cookies to help out. She made just enough
cookies to satisfy her commitment to the school.
When she was done, she was so tired she just put them into the cookie jar, thinking that she'd be able to package them up in proper containers to
send to school in the morning. Yes, she did have the quick thought that someone might eat one. But then she realized everyone was in bed and she'd
be up in plenty of time to package them up before anyone got the opportunity.
She throws them into the cookie jar, leaves the pans in the sink to clean up in the morning, and then goes upstairs to bed. She did manage to get an
hour or so of sleep before she woke up, rolled over, and found that her husband was no longer beside her.
Bolting upright to a sitting position, the first thought that comes to her head is "the cookies!". She'd forgot about his midnight snacking he
sometimes does. Throwing the covers back and jumping out of bed in one movement, she rushes down the stairs to find her husband sitting at the kitchen
table with a plate full of her bake sale cookies.
She rushes over, smacks the cookie out of his hand and begins to rip his soul out of him verbally. To end the assault, she flashes him a hurt filled
look and tearfully asks "why!" as she storms out of the room.
She spends the rest of the night tossing and turning. Mostly thinking about how she is going to make another batch of cookies before the bake sale.
Oh God, she's snoring again. Wish I could tell her, but that always gets me in trouble. Should I wake her up? No, that always gets me in trouble
too. Last time I plugged her nose she got angry as well. Hmm...maybe I'll just let her keep thinking I like to get up in the middle of the night and
eat until she stops sawing logs. That has served me well in the past, I've never gotten in trouble for it at least.
She is really cute when she sleeps. That little nose vibrating as she snores, the bit of drool slipping out of her mouth, slowly down her face, and
being soaked up on the pillow. Wow, I never noticed how many wrinkles she has. That is something I know never to mention....ever. I love her
Carefully slipping out of the bed so as not to wake her, he heads down stairs to "wait it out". He does what any self respecting man would do to
pass the time, turns on sports. It only takes 30 minutes for her to shut off the saw, so, he shuts off the TV and heads to the kitchen for a snack.
First thing he spots is the cookies. "God, I do love this woman!" They were chocolate chip, his favorite. Pouring himself a glass of milk, he grabs
4 or 5 and puts them on a plate. He sits down in the kitchen and consumes the first one in two bites. All the while thinking how wonderful his wife
is, how thoughtful and considerate she was to make his favorite cookies!
He had just put the second one to his lips when it happens. He was so involved in his cookie eating frenzy, he never noticed his wife enter the room.
He looks up just in time to see her hand swing towards his face and the cookie flies to the floor, busting into little cookie pieces.
She is already screaming out her fourth sentence before he hears her. He was still looking fondly at the cookie on the floor, it was a shame that it
got wasted like that. Finally, he looks up at her and realizes the cute little woman he had married was gone. This was someone totally different. Did
she even live here?
All the time she has been yelling at him he hasn't heard a word she's said. He realizes it is way past time to pay attention. She's gonna ask him
that question, the one that every man fears, the one that has no right answer...it's a trap of course. But, for some reason, men still try to answer
it , hoping that someday they will get it right. That day never comes though.
"Do you even know why I am mad at you? Do you even understand what you did?" There it is. If he answers honestly, he'll get in more trouble. Cuz,
women think you should know what you did. If he answers dishonestly, he will get in trouble, because women know when you are dishonest and they will
wonder why you did it if you knew.
His only hope, to apologize as sincerely as possible and let her talk for as long as it takes until she feels vindicated. He does so and then he waits
it out. He thinks back to the football game 30 minutes ago, how good the cookies tasted, wonders if he should tell her she snores and that's why this
all happened...realizes that would be the end of the marriage if he does.
And finally she stops yelling. Stomping her foot indignantly on the floor, she flashes him a hurt look, asks him "why!", swings around on her heal
and goes back to bed. He sits there for a few minutes, not really sure what just happened. He does understand that he'll be on the couch tonight
He was feeling pretty bad until he looked down and saw that there were 2 more cookies on the plate. Awesome! A smile crosses his lips as he picks up
his plate, the glass of milk, and walks into the front room.
He sits back on the couch and turns on the sports channel. Sometimes getting in trouble isn't as bad as it you think it's gonna be. He finishes his
milk and cookies in peace. Eventually falling asleep. The final words he hears as he does so .... "touch down!"