posted on Oct, 22 2017 @ 09:11 PM
My dad called me this morning to tell me that my grandmother passed away last night. This wasn't a shock, and I felt very unmoved, aside from feeling
relief that she wasn't in the rough place she was just prior. I have/had a very loveless relationship with most of my father's family. My
grandmother was always cold to my siblings and I. Never showed affection. I think she was similar with her 3 kids as well.
I feel sad for my dad, because not having a mother, warm or cold (emotionally) must be a very sad thing. He wasn't close to her, but she was the only
mom he had. And she is gone now.
What has me in a weird place is that I feel incredibly sad that I didn't at least try to understand this woman who seemed to not like me or my
brother or sister or my mother. I felt like she "tolerated" us, but that's it. However, I know there was more to her than that. What few clues I
have gathered lead me to believe there was something that turned her into an emotionally closed book. And instead of trying to understand, I closed
the door on that relationship long ago. Mind you, I never refused to interact or speak to her. It was always pleasant, but I felt no desire or need to
have love between her and I.
And I think I was wrong. I don't believe I would have ever understood why she was the way she was, but I should have cared to show some interest. I
hope I can learn from this.
I just needed to voice my thoughts. Thanks.