Death Goes To College MW2017

After placing his order, Death took a seat at the Green Feminist Youth (GFY) coffee shop near the campus of North-Southern Feelings College of Angst.
The young lady working behind the counter had piercings everywhere except her earlobes. She had so much weight dangling off her nose, lips, and eyebrows that she looked like an early Salvador Dali painting. She looked at the cup she held in her hand and said, “Coffee here for The People’s Hero”.

A table nearby had 4 people sitting around it, one person, a young man dressed in black wearing a mask made from a torn Care Bears t-shirt said, “The People’s Hero Rabinowitz, or The People’s Hero Goldblum”?

The girl, who looked like a product from an angry woman and a horny charm bracelet, said, “Rabinowitz”.
Another skinny young man, this one with a mask made from the plastic of a tampon bag stood up and got his coffee.
Death just watched and listened.
The table with the angry young people wearing strange masks apparently didn’t care if others were listening in. They were talking very loudly and very proudly about the bomb they had just built. When one youth, wearing a Jonny Depp mask with too much eye makeup said, “Are you sure you made the timer correctly?”
This caused the Care-Bear terrorist to shout, “I got a trophy once for being exceptional! Of course the timer is right!” Then they all started arguing about who’s trophy was better since they all had at least one for being “Exceptional”.

Death turned to the counter and waited for his order.

The charm-bracelet girl picked up a cup and shouted, “Darth!”

Death stood and said, “It’s pronounced, “Death”.”
The sour angry barista said, “It says, Darth, so I’m saying Darth. Are you going to file a complaint?”

Death looked at her and said, “I would just appreciate it if you pronounced my name correctly-…”

“Steve! We have a customer complaint again!” shouted the loud metal-faced bitter pill.

Out from the back room walked in a skinny man in his early fifties wearing a top-knot and a chin-beard in some weak effort to appear young and hip.
He looked at Death and at his employee and said, “I’m having a crisis right now. Just apologize to her and we won’t press charges”, he told Death.

“Don’t you even want to hear what transpired?” asked Death.

“Oh god, he’s attacking me!” said the manager and dropped on the floor sobbing and soiling himself.

Bitter Girl called in the back, “Manuel! We need you again!”

A young Hispanic man walked into the main area where he was obviously washing dishes. He looked around and saw the manager and just rolled his eyes.

The loud girl opened the cash register and took out a few bills and threw it at the young man and said, “Go down the block and buy another set of pants for Steve, they know his size, he does this often, comprede Manuel?”

Death just looked at the young man.

The young man said, “My name is Mike, I’m not an illegal, I was born in Reno. I understand” He rolled his eyes again and silently apologized to Death for what has happened.

Death smiled back at the young man and said, “I understand”.

The young lady with the facial hardware said, “Don’t speak to the undocumented hero like that! What are you, a snitch for ICE?”

Death looked at Mike and said, “Better run along, Mike. It’s okay.”

Mike grabbed the money and with a sigh left the building. The angry, annoying girl said, "Are you going to pay for that you racist?”

Death looked directly in her eyes and said, “I’m sorry. Of course.”

She replied, “Stop staring at my eyes like that! I’m not a slave! You haven’t once looked at my chest! Are you gay? Oh god, I’m so sorry. You’re gay aren’t you!”

Death took the time to look at the table where one of the terrorists wearing a “Brony” outfit was sobbing because his trophy (which they all had out) wasn’t as big as everyone else’s.

“It’s okay Francis, size doesn’t matter” said the Tampon-terrorist.

That’s when their make-shift bomb blew. Time slowed down and Death saw it all. He saw the table lift up due to the blast and decapitate all four of the terrorists; he saw the shock wave rip the bangles from the girl as she fell into the sobbing, defecating manager on the floor.
Death took out a cigarette and lit it as he saw the “No Smoking” sign ignite under the heat wave of the blast.

He waited until all the souls were ready to go. He flicked away the cigarette and said, just to himself, “They don’t pay me enough for this”.

That was so bitter it was beautiful

I wish I could give you ten flags

originally posted by: SprocketUK
That was so bitter it was beautiful

I wish I could give you ten flags

Thank you!

a reply to: DBCowboy

What a fascist that 'death' character was.

I laughed pretty good so I'll excuse the lack of fart content in this one.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: DBCowboy

What a fascist that 'death' character was.

I laughed pretty good so I'll excuse the lack of fart content in this one.

Aww, c'mon!

I did have a "poop" gag in there!

a reply to: DBCowboy


Death handled himself well, I would have touched all of them.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: DBCowboy


Death handled himself well, I would have touched all of them.

Death has swag.

Or so I've been told.

By no one.



Because I was never there to listen.

a reply to: DBCowboy

I am so triggered right now!

originally posted by: JinMI
a reply to: DBCowboy

I am so triggered right now!

I am so sorry.

Sorry, I thought this was pretty funny, so I'm giving it an ego bump.