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originally posted by: elementalgrove
A major theme that helps, is mindfulness. Taping into the observer of thought as opposed to being thought. We have the power to change our habitual thought processes that result in such states of dysfunction as you describe. Every day we are in school, our insecurities are a warning system much like pain, it calls our attention to areas of ourselves that need to be healed.
I sometimes think it would help if I could build a stronger ego- a strong set of beliefs and views that remain in place when interacting with others, making a clear boundary between self and other.
But I can't seem to cling to any of it. I have views and opinions, but no beliefs. Nothing can be relied upon and can always be subject to change, so it slides away when in the presence of novelty, where there could be something new to discover.
So I sit and observe, wide eyed and open eared, with nothing to add to the pot. I am, we are.
Aaaand then they're gone, and it dawns upon me - that was someone else! Sh*t! I should have offered some of me and asked for some of them, but all I did was become a soup of the now moment.
Boundries. I guess that is what my problem is. I don't have them. It's awesome when you're in nature and one with everything, but not great for making friends and influencing others.
originally posted by: SpeakerofTruth
It's amazing to me that we went from a world that viewed introverts as someone to be revered and someone who was just reserved, mindful, et cetera, to a world that views them as "weirdos." Disheartening, frankly.
Because while I am just there with others, there is no me... there is just all this NOW going on!
originally posted by: fiverx313
cognitive behavioral therapy might help you learn to see when you're going off the rails in these situations and how to jump in and redirect yourself. i also found that acting classes were a big help with social stuff like this.
originally posted by: BELIEVERpriest
a reply to: Bluesma
I started out as an introvert, much like yourself. I had severe social anxiety. Then I picked up some social skills when I got a job, and started making more friends. After a decade of playing extrovert, I just want to go back to being an introvert again. In my experience, most friends are not worth keeping. Most people, not worth knowing. If you're the type of person that likes to pursue and master any sort of field of knowledge, you'll soon find that most other people aren't. So in my experience being an extrovert meant dumbing down conversation to a superficial level. I used to have anxiety talking to people, now I just have little interest in people at all. Its not that I think I'm better than other people. I know I'm worse than most. I simply realized that I am blessed with the gift of social apathy
Find a good friend or two, and forget everyone else.
originally posted by: kaylaluv
I am exactly the same way. It's frustrating because I'm married to a guy who is exactly the opposite - an extrovert who loooooves to talk and is never at a loss for words. When I'm with him in a social gathering, I get even quieter and let him just take over. I'm afraid it makes me look dumb or something, but... I don't quite know how to fix it.
originally posted by: Bluesma
I used to do acting when I was young, and it is weird how comfortable I am on stage. It is because I am someone else. The thoughts, feelings, intents, motivations, etc. are all figured out and present (in that character).
I don't have much of those things. I am not very ambitious, so intents usually center on "learn more". Which requires being receptive. Feelings and thoughts aren't really present until later, on reflection upon the event.
Anyway, a while ago I talked to someone who suggested in certain situations (I was about to go through some challenging exams, both written and oral) to go into acting mode, play a character, instead of be myself.
I did do that and was successful. (passed my exams with flying colors).
But I ended up feeling like I didn't deserve the diploma I got, like I faked it or cheated.
This is what happens when I use that method. I feel that whatever relationships or things I make while acting are not valuable or real because I was not being authentic.
I sometimes think, having been really immersed in existentialism when young, I became too focused on the value of being authentic. It sounds good but poses some serious challenges...
originally posted by: fiverx313
i think you've got all the pieces you need to do what you want, maybe they just need to be metaphorically shuffled? i mean if you want to learn more and be receptive, it's very easy to engage with people by asking them questions... you can ask about what you want to learn more about, and people loooove to talk about themselves...
i love your avatar, by the way... her name slips my mind but what a fascinating woman. i get annoyed at articles that just want to talk about her as if she was vain and that's it... look at all the artistry in that woman's work. she was ahead of her time.
Sometimes... I put myself down or purposefully make myself look bad to try to make the others around feel good about themselves in contrast. Especially if I sense something like jealousy going on in the room.
Wow. Until I wrote that right now, I wasn't real clear on why I do that.