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My Encounter with the Fascist Nazi Patriarchy

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posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 10:52 PM
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Dearest friends, I have an alarming story to share with you. But before I do, I must provide a trigger warning for those of you who have experienced toxic masculinity or related phenomena. The following may cause you great discomfort.

I have photographic evidence of today's appalling events but in the interest of preserving the sanctity of the Mud Pit safe space, I will post these first few lines and return in approximately three minutes to continue my story, in order to give prospective experiencers an opportunity to avoid potentially triggering imagery.

Also please note, I've shared the following text with several prominent (not to imply or endorse social hierarchy) humxns on Tumblr. It should be relatively sanitized at this point but if you still find yourself experiencing escalating anxiety, please

***

If you are reading this, I assume that you have bravely determined that you are capable of withstanding the mental assault caused by viewing these offensive images. Please proceed with the utmost caution.

So today, I bicycled into the city because I didn't want to drive my planet-killing Prius. I was making a lovely vegan salad with gluten free croutons and braised tofu strips and I needed some fair trade endive.

Once in the store, I grew anxious, realizing I was surrounded by other white people. I considered leaving before anyone I knew arrived but then I noticed that there was an Asian family at a check out and I sighed a sigh of relief, feeling that the atmosphere was sufficiently diverse.

However, things took a turn in the produce section. As I stood looking at the selection of endive, I wrestled with thoughts of the wildlife that had been displaced by the farm on which the endive grew. Was I really enlightened?

My thoughts spiraled downward, down deep into the darkest depths as I considered all of the animals deprived of their homes and the the innocent insects mercilessly slain during the harvest. My face flushed. I could feel tears perched precariously beneath my eyes. It was then that I realized that all that was actually secondary. My first offense was shopping at Trader Joe's, thereby perpetuating the patriarchy. In disgust, I left, knocking over a display of oranges that looked suspiciously like he whose name I will not speak.

Now dreading having left my mother's basement, I retrieved my bicycle and began my return trip.

On the way home, I threw a few sticks of gum to a man who was sleeping on the sidewalk. I couldn't make out what he was yelling back to me, but the way he was shaking his fist, I believe he was encouraging me to fight the power. That elevated my spirits some. In fact, everything was looking up until I reached the gates of my neighborhood.

And that's when it happened.

A security guard — one I didn't recognize — blocked my entrance. He exuded toxic masculinity. Probably a troglodyte who spells womyn with an e. Drunk on patriarchal power, he beamed micro-aggression after micro-aggression, unsympathetic to my experiences! Then he raised a hand to strike me!



I narrowly dodged. He said to me, "Hey, you. Are you sure you're in the right place?"

In the right place!? I clutched the pepper spray in my pocket, wishing my bike lock wasn't securely fastened to the frame. I assured the fascist scum that I did in fact belong there.

"F# you rent-a-pig. You ain't gonna profile me because of my Black Lives Matter shirt. Yea, I know black people. Do you? Do you?"

He immediately became angry. I could tell by his reaction that he was probably a racist but then something happened that confirmed my suspicions. He called his supervisor, Roy, who I already suspected of being a Russian agent. Little did I know he was also a Nazi.



Can you believe it? IN MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD. My safe space had been violated. I was triggered speechless. I wanted to run but I knew he'd shoot me. He smugly said something like, "Yeah, he's okay, he lives on Poplar. The tan house with the four car garage."

First off, my house isn't tan. It isn't beige, it isn't khaki — it's eggshell. I'm sure he knew that but he was just trying to send me a message that he was in charge, daring me to correct him. Normally, I'll punch a Nazi but there was nobody there to film it so it would have been a complete waste. I considered yanking the red Klan hat off his head, but I had been away from Twitter for too long already and I couldn't be bothered.

So instead, I peddled past him and a safe distance away, gave him the finger. I don't know if he saw it or not but I peddled a little harder just the same. To show him how athletic I was.

Once I got home, I ground up some fair trade coffee beans and brewed a cup of coffee. I used the hand grinder to reduce my carbon footprint. Then I went to the fridge to get some french vanilla soy creamer and to my horror — I discovered that somebody had purchased dairy creamer — made with milk! MILK! The unnatural product of bovine torture. It seems that I just can't escape the patriarchy today, no matter how hard I try. Shaking with revulsion, I slammed the refrigerator door and went downstairs, forgetting my raw sugar, harvested by a collective in Paraguay.

And that brings me to the present. I sit here at my Macbook, drinking my bitter coffee, nearly in tears from my frustrations.

The struggle is real my friends. The struggle is real.
edit on 2017-10-7 by theantediluvian because: (no reason given)



+26 more 
posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 10:59 PM
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+17 more 
posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:00 PM
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I just never know with you!

Is this a joke?

Did we just get a zing from the real you?

Are you reaching out, wanting a real life someone, (other than your mum) to hold and cuddle you?

Do you miss cuddles?

Just ask and ATS will send you the Help Squad. I will get right on it and send up the signal light for Night Star.

P

edit on 6/10/2017 by pheonix358 because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:03 PM
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originally posted by: pheonix358
I just never know with you!

Is this a joke?

Did we just get a zing from the real you?

Are you reaching out, wanting a real life someone, (other than your mum) to hold and cuddle you?

Do you miss cuddles?

Just ask and ATS will send you the Help Squad. I will get right on it and send up the signal light for Night Star.

P


He was "interviewed"...by a mason...yeah.




posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:04 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian


I'm rather triggered that you drive a prius , I would never have picked you for a prius driving tofu eating hippy ....


+12 more 
posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:05 PM
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posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:06 PM
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Take a swipe at the SJWs, and they’re still not happy.


Go figure...




posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:06 PM
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originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: theantediluvian


I'm rather triggered that you drive a prius , I would never have picked you for a prius driving tofu eating hippy ....


He needs the battery power to run the ion lung.

Should have been obvious.


P



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:07 PM
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Give my regards to Hermann Goring and the rest of the gang.


+18 more 
posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:13 PM
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a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

First off, tofu is disgusting. Secondly, I eat beef like a zoo lion. I also don't drive a Prius. Funny story though, my career military now military contractor, gun loving, sportsman brother does. Because he's doesn't let dumb stuff keep him from getting great gas mileage. Also, his other vehicles is some absurd redneck truck monstrosity that gets like 8-10 mpg so he's got to offset that somehow.



None of this is true of course, I just thought it would be entertaining to put myself into the heads of right-wingers and write from the point of view of their stereotype of somebody from the left. Also, this country has lost its ability to make fun of itself. Or at least people have lost the ability to make light of their own "tribe."

If you can't do that, then you will in fact find yourself triggered by anything and everything.

Anyway, it seemed like something to do after a couple drinks. Also, I was inspired by the interview linked in my sig. So I'll dedicate the OP to our friend AM who just hit 10 years on ATS and 40k posts. (somebody needs a life, amirite?)
edit on 2017-10-6 by theantediluvian because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:14 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian

Thank you.
I love gonzo writings. Great effin job!



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:23 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian


Love your work.....




posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:25 PM
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Patriarchy? Really? You're either a girl, or a boy that wants to be,.. a girl, or a woman. In which case? No real "Men", really care what you have to say about NAZIS. Because "men" did 99.9% of the fighting. Drink some orange juice! You'll "feel" better in the morning.



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:25 PM
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It wasnt only supposed to be one page long.




originally posted by: theantediluvian
Also, this country has lost its ability to make fun of itself. Or at least people have lost the ability to make light of their own "tribe."





posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:28 PM
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a reply to: murphy22

Lmao. Just out of curiosity, could you please explain the relationship between orange juice and gender identity?



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:30 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian

Fantastically written. Mad respect for that. I chuckled throughout.



Perhaps I'll write the conservative version.



Your right, people need to lighten up.



edit on 6-10-2017 by loam because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:33 PM
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I starred and flagged this, because it seems to be a good representatin of a typical day in the life of a far left antifa loving blm hipster. Even if theante is pulling some sarcastic shenanigans.
edit on 6-10-2017 by Wookiep because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:36 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian

Out of "curiosity"?...Really? You honestly, don't know, what orange juice is supposed to be?



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:41 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian

Obviously, you failed to notice, orange juice had nothing to do with anything. But orange juice is always good advice.! It does no harm, but is yet, nutritious!.. Just like my love for liberals!



posted on Oct, 6 2017 @ 11:44 PM
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Wait, here my whole life I thought I loved orange juice because its wholesome and delicious, and here come to find out it was all because I'm genetically predisposed to thinking Donald Trump is funny?







edit on 6-10-2017 by IgnoranceIsntBlisss because: (no reason given)




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