a reply to: LookingForABetterLife
Thank you for your prayers and love. It's so good to see that you have made a trip to the Shed to see us."
Hey! I never left, buddy! Im just, uh. Adventuring? Yeah, thats it. This is still my home, it saddens me that you think I left, sniffle. I guess ill
take a cue from you and uh, open up, even though thats hard.
So, the adventures of Lucid... In 3D! Lol. Really, not much... Im 22, and, as everyonehas ever told me, im smart. Well... Yeah... But no matter how
smart I am, I do really, really stupid things. Chronically. Like... Like in school, for example. I knew how to progress, and I was capable, but...
Like a vivid memory I have is being in a spelling bee in third grade... I was one of the last three. The girl before me spelled christmas wrong so it
was just me and the other guy. I knew how to spell it... I just looked out at the crowd and decided... I didnt want to win... So I spelled it wrong.
Thing is... It feels like... These days it's less of a choice that I make, than something that happens to me. Four years ago, I aged out of fostercare
after getting # grades in school when I could have done better. I fell into the streets, even though I had the whole world in front of me, and was
capable enough to achieve it.
Four years later... And two years after engaging in a self dialogue about my issues... Here I am, still homeless. I often feel like I am ruled by
whim and by fancy, even though I am NOT a fickle creature. So I have to watch myself, let go of ties that mean the world to me, while I pursie
distraction. It has lead me to losing friends, and family... And it means im not here in the shed as much as I want or need to be. It is a hige
birden, to live as I do, dominated by desire. I struggle with it every day. Try to show people who I am underneath, try to BE who I am underneath.
But... I waste away... I waste away. It's like... No matter how much something means to me, I am incapable of holding something sacred. As if I am
fundamentally unclean or something. So I struggle with my self worth, then feel bad for worrying about how I feel when im causing havoc in other
people's lives, not just my own. I waste away, when all I really want to do is be the best I can and help others be their best, too. Thats why the
shed is my home, because thats what the shed is about. Helping each other be their best.
edit on 31-10-2017 by LucidWarrior because: (no reason