The Shed 17

originally posted by: WalkInSilence

originally posted by: Sheye

Look at the bright side. Your parents could be dead... or you could be one of the 600,000 homeless in your country... many with no healthcare... no place to sleep..and scrounging for food.
Try and be grateful for food and shelter and a family who is willing to put a roof over your head. Many don’t have such comforts. 😕

Hey Girl, I tend to agree with you, and my "but" will come later.
I have no family, no support system , no healthcare on this continent. Something I would never have imagined in my worst night mares. All i have is me.
I try to maintain an attitude of gratitude. I do, but it is so hard. If I am sick for two days I am behind on rent or something else essential. Hell, one day.

Here comes my "but". We all struggle in so many different ways. Should we all put our selves below the lowest denominator?
Should we not fight for a more compassionate society or just leave our wanting soldiers die on the field?
I do understand your argument in light of the society we live in.

It wasn’t meant as an arguement ( my reply to Blue) .. and I certainly wasn’t trying to be uncompassionate. Sometimes compassion is opening someones eyes to the small positives, especially when they seem in despair.

I was trying to help Blue focus on the positive aspects of his life... like he has a home ( many parents would not do that for their adult children) .

I use this type of focus therapy on my son as well WIS. Sometimes when life seems overwhelmingly grey , the only uplifting thing to do is have gratitude for even the smallest of things... like a working washing machine .

I hope you catch the spirit of what I am trying to say 😕

a reply to: WalkInSilence

I think I misunderstood your reply and my reply to it in previous post doesn’t make sense😜.

Unfortunately I am not as gifted as you in writing , and maybe didn’t truly get you.

But refeading it a few times I totally understand where you are coming from. Someones personal pain is a very personal nourney and can’t be compared to others. We all have our crosses to carry... and no one really has the right to say which one is heaviest on a personal basis.

originally posted by: Sheye
I hope you catch the spirit of what I am trying to say 😕

I do but I must pass to an other realm now.

a reply to: LookingForABetterLife

There is nothing that I have to look forward to other than the possibility of finally getting approved for Social Security.

If you get your approval, it will be one step closer to being on your own like you wish to be. Just hope that you don't end up with the neighbor from hell like Light. LOL

What ever happened to that buddy sytem thingy where you would have a friend to share things with? Was that through your church?

You could always move in to your virtual Shed room and go off on interesting adventures like the rest of us without real lives. Works for me.

a reply to: Finspiracy

. I think too much and i feel too much. So now i am working on killing thinking and feeling because i can't handle them anymore. The ratio between good thoughts / feelings and the horrifying ones is too lousy. Maybe i can create a void inside my head and inside my heart, and build something better from there. Long shot perhaps, but the only one i have.

That's me! I think and feel too much and often say it's easier NOT to think sometimes. I still say we should come with an on and off switch, it would make things so much easier. Alas...I have yet to find it.

a reply to: Errollorre

Self promote all you want Tom. I love the soothing voice and scenery! Thank you! Whatcha gonna work on next? Hint, hint!

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: Finspiracy
That's me! I think and feel too much and often say it's easier NOT to think sometimes. I still say we should come with an on and off switch, it would make things so much easier. Alas...I have yet to find it.

Oh my god... so much the same here. You know, there was a time when i was dreaming of a drug that would stop all brain activity but would somehow allow to eat, go to toilet, breathe and basic things like that. Nurses and doctors kept telling me when i was hospitalized that i think too much. I do. And as i have said before, one might assume that if someone thinks all the time he must be very wise and enlightened. Not in my case. The thoughts haunt me. They go round and round ending up nowhere but rotating around.

I might have been a bit rough with my words when i said "killing feelings and thinking" but it is an ongoing process since yesterday. Already feel better. Just started drinking beer. But i don't want to "kill" my wishes for the world to be better, everyone in it, including the shed people. I mean... you can't build a house on a rotten base. I try to get as much of a "fresh start" as possible.

How are you feeling? Any better?

So where is my conversation company??

Beer started working. Drinking more. I have some friends nearby but i am too inside my head now, met 2 friends yesterday after spending many days at home and i could not cope.

Me, you ask? (ok, you didn't ask, but i will quote Alanis Morisette anyway!)

"I'm broke but I'm happy,
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded,
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five"

originally posted by: WalkInSilence
a reply to: LookingForABetterLife

Blue Sweet Heart, just go for a walk, go notice what ever is going on in your environment. Every day, look at the birds, take note of them, the people. Just walk. You have a roof over your head and hell you can order food.
Walk until your legs are like led. We are made to walk.

THIS! This is a great tool. Being mindful/super aware. I think Fin mentioned it recently (see, I am reading, even if not chatting much).

Mindfulness sounds silly on surface, but it’s not. And it helps.

Good morning (or whatever) to the Shed!

I have returned.

a reply to: Finspiracy

I'm feeling better than I have been, but not well enough to go out and do all that I have to do today, but we have to eat. Just fed the kitty his last can of food. He has dry food until I get back tonight though. I need to get a prescription, get to the bank, get groceries, take out all the garbage. Sometimes I feel like I have to be a super woman. I guess that's what Moms must feel like. Sigh...

Thank you for the awesome music this morning! Loved the vids!

a reply to: chelsdh

Mindfulness can help if we are focused on the good and little things that matter most which is what I try to do. I think though when I am super aware while in a depressive state, sometimes it can also make me more aware of my problems, how deep they are or how many there are. It is then that I try to re-focus my attention away from the depression and try not to drown in it. Or... NOT think. LOL Mostly I take comfort in those closest to me and you beautiful souls in this beautiful place we call the Shed.

Still sick and foggy in the head. Hope that made some kind of sense.

a reply to: PrairieShepherd

Shep!!!!! So wonderful to see you! How are you and the Mrs. and the Shepherditos?

a reply to: Night Star

Pretty good. Shepherditos are a little bummed out at the lack of snow this winter. Tough to sled on dried, dead grass.
But Christmas was good and I'm looking forward to the rest of the winter.

Sure glad it's Friday!

how are things in NE?

a reply to: PrairieShepherd

Things are unusually warm here in New England after having freezing weather.

I should have sent our blizzard your way so your kids could have gone sledding.

a reply to: Night Star

Yeah, talk to Pesky about some snow, would ya?

we had freaky warm weather a few days ago, before the arctic air came down from Canada.
Now I'm wearing a runner's base layer under my clothes because it's -10 degrees when I go to my car in the morning. LOL

Thank you so much for your replies my Shed friends. I'll reply in more detail later on as I'm on another psych med now that has me feeling too zombified to write more at this moment.

Chelsdh ----

For unknown reasons my laptop will not let me use all caps on your name. That makes you a special person. It's alway nice to have a special person as a friend.

Dental work can hurt more than we care for sometimes but the benefits outweigh the pain, right? I trust that you are feeling better since then. (hug inserted in case it is needed)
On good days I try to practice mindfulness but I see that I am two sides of the same coin and feel nothing but the negative when I am on the depressed side of things.

SKEPTISCHISM ----

Welcome to the Shed, my new friend. We tend to reply to your thoughts at no cost but a few here have been working on a sliding scale only. Thank you for sharing your picture of the Eye of Ra. Does this symbol represent protection or just the opposite to you, destruction?

ERROLLORRE----

Your songs and videos are always appreciated here. Thank you for sharing them as well as everyone else who has shared from the lands far away from the Shed.

SHEYE ----

You bring up good points as to how I am better off than I feel that I am. The future loss of my dad gives me mixed feelings since without him here I will be without a place to live, but with him here... It's the same old same old with him.

Guess that what I'm trying to say is that I'd rather be flying first class than coach in this thing we call life. I should know better.

FINSPIRACY ----

It's taken me too long to catch on to the meaning of your ATS name but I've got it now. Good job. I enjoyed listening to the YouTube of Stratovarius - "Halcyon Days" that you shared with us. For about the past six months I have been spending less time reading stories from the bad news website and becoming members of more positive and supportive websites such as The Mighty.

I feel bad about not eating properly as I've turned to comfort foods somewhat. it's nothing like living off of ice cream and delivery pizza like I did after my wife died. The thought of exercise comes and goes like the weather. As weak as my heart is, I don't know how much I can do without needing a trip to the hospital.

Like you, I think too much about everything which causes me to do nothing but go around in circles without getting much done. The new medicine that I've just started looks like it may help with this.


WALKINSILENCE ----

What I have learned to do is to appreciate the little things such as my new comforter changing the colors I'm used to on my bed. I really like the new screensaver I've added to my phone as well as the wallpaper on my laptop. I also enjoy watching Rocky, our neighborhood squirrel when he jumps down from his tree to forage around. The little things are more important to think about as I only have so much control over the big things.

I'd walk more or do more exercise but that is exactly what dad wants me to do. Yes, I know this sounds weird but I don't want to do what he tells me to do. All I end up is him pointing out that I'm doing something wrong. As many times as my left ankle or knee give out on me I don't want to risk falling down. As I am on blood thinners my MD wants me to be careful. This is just another example of my brain going in circles.

NIGHT STAR ----

Added to the list of things that I'm worried about is what will happen with my money once I do collect Social Security again. How much of that will be taken away to pay hospital bills? Will that cause me to be back at square one like I already am?

I've lived around Light's neighbor type before and they will fear for their well being once they start trouble

What happened to the BestBudies thing? I'd like to know the answer to that as well. Thank you for reminding me of this. I sent them an email this afternoon to find out what conspiracy is going on. BestBuddies is not affiliated with any churches that I am aware of.

I try to make the Shed my home away from home when my cats allow me.

originally posted by: LookingForABetterLife
WIS----
What I have learned to do is to appreciate the little things.....

I must learn to express myself better. What I suggested is not about gratitude, it pertains to presence in the moment, presence in the environment, internal presence.

.I'd walk more or do more exercise but that is exactly what dad wants me to do. Yes, I know this sounds weird but I don't want to do what he tells me to do.

Then forget him, ignore him. Just walk to be you. To be alone with the most precious being you have, you. With out you, you have nothing to give.
He can't dictate your mind, no matter what he says, he can't. Just imagine every step brings you closer to your true self.
And I am not talking about exercise. Yah Yah that is important but to feel comfortable with your self precedes physical well being.

All I end up is him pointing out that I'm doing something wrong.

Tell him to show you how it is done right, sit down and make him show you. Tell him, "I didn't get that, show me again" and again and again. (I am not really a nice person)

As many times as my left ankle or knee give out on me I don't want to risk falling down. As I am on blood thinners my MD wants me to be careful.

Well that is an obsticle, a serious one. I apologize, having no clue you had this problem.
So take a cane, take two, walk slowly, make your self walk slowly, reflect on every step, every muscle. Listen to your body, it will tell you what to do. Your body wants to survive. Trust it. And tell your Dad to go play with some kids his own size. (Miniture toys, just an oppinionated remark)

I try to make the Shed my home away from home

I think that is a pleasant common demominator for most of us.
]]]]]]HUGS[[[[[[[[