Massive Conspiracy unmasked?

I was having a discussion the other day with a friend. The topics were the usual mundane stuff, but little did I know that one of them would set off a thought process that may have possibly uncovered the largest alien conspiracy in recorded history. I implore you to follow along, once you reach the end I'm sure you will have the same feeling I had. A sudden moment of clarity and amusement at just how complex yet simple this whole plan is.

So our conversation included a brief discussion about one of America's unique aspects, walmart. More precisely the "people of walmart". We were joking around and of course we mentioned the usual scenario that people always see the strangest people at walmart. My comment, something to the effect of how the people you see at walmart are people that you "never even knew this town had" or "never see them in town" is what later sparked a revelation.

A revelation that may single handily alter the future of humanity.

I'll get right to it.

Everyone is familiar with the whole "people of walmart" scenario, it's the basis for many jokes and even websites dedicated to the phenomena. While most shrug it off in amusement and chalk it up to just being a funny thing, as I have, I think there's much more to it.

Granted not everyone in walmart is one of these "people" but there always seems to be a decent sized sample of strange characters walking around in there. People that seem to catch the eye and attention of everyone "normal" in the store. Yet, where are all these people outside around town. Even a small town of a few thousand people, you tend to still have this walmart phenomena.

Frankly, these people are aliens. Walmart is some sort of docked spacecraft or inter-dimensional hub that is facilitating the development/integration of alien life.

The "people of walmart" are the actual aliens/visitors. They are strange in appearance and action, they stick out and draw attention from everyone around them. If they where released directly into town without the shelter of a popular meme they would be immediately spotted and discovered.

I theorize that when they arrive at walmart, they are at their peak strangeness and therefor are most vulnerable. However, given the 24 hour nature of walmart. They are able to blend in and stay in the store until their awkwardness diminishes and they become acclimated to society. At which point they are released from walmart and blend into their surroundings.

The setup is perfect, their presence is not only expected but the source of amusement. All the while they push their cart around the store endlessly for days(probably several weeks) as they slowly become "normal". Once they no longer draw the gaze of passersby and have learned all they can from the never ending onslaught of information from the demo televisions(sports, news, reality tv) in the electronics section. They are able to freely slip out the front door and meld with society.

It's been there all along, right under everyone's nose.

a reply to: MisterSpock

I'm sure I've seen this on South Park already.

a reply to: MisterSpock

My comment, something to the effect of how the people you see at walmart are people that you "never even knew this town had" or "never see them in town" is what later sparked a revelation.

Other places have posted or unspoken standards.

Walmart is almost like a crappy casino. If you're dressed, come on in.

originally posted by: noonebutme
a reply to: MisterSpock

I'm sure I've seen this on South Park already.

I'm pretty sure simpsons did it first.

a reply to: MisterSpock

I saw one 'Person of Walmart' at the local Walmart once.

She definitely looked like an alien, kind of like the aliens that you would see in Star Trek TOS.

She had blue hair (she wasn't old), light blue suede boots with long blue fur trim on the tops, way too tight low rider jeans to fit on her lumpy body.... and about 6 inches of ass crack exposed.

I try to stay out of Walmart.

Like this guy?

Some other factors I forgot to mention is all the seemingly unrelated but equally odd things involving walmart. Remember the "strange construction" phase from a few years ago that affected several walmarts. I believer there was also some theories revolving around an unusually high amount of cooperation between walmarts and some 3 letter agencies.

I wonder if these areas are also a concentration point for higher than usual missing person casese? Maybe it's a two way transportation system.

a reply to: eisegesis

That's a bug in an Edgar suit!

Obviously a nazi kkk fascist thread here.

Picking on POW.

Someone build a statue so I can vandalise it. I'm losing my grip here, where is my whistle...

originally posted by: MisterSpock
I was having a discussion the other day with a friend. The topics were the usual mundane stuff, but little did I know that one of them would set off a thought process that may have possibly uncovered the largest alien conspiracy in recorded history. I implore you to follow along, once you reach the end I'm sure you will have the same feeling I had. A sudden moment of clarity and amusement at just how complex yet simple this whole plan is.

So our conversation included a brief discussion about one of America's unique aspects, walmart. More precisely the "people of walmart". We were joking around and of course we mentioned the usual scenario that people always see the strangest people at walmart. My comment, something to the effect of how the people you see at walmart are people that you "never even knew this town had" or "never see them in town" is what later sparked a revelation.

A revelation that may single handily alter the future of humanity.

I'll get right to it.

Everyone is familiar with the whole "people of walmart" scenario, it's the basis for many jokes and even websites dedicated to the phenomena. While most shrug it off in amusement and chalk it up to just being a funny thing, as I have, I think there's much more to it.

Granted not everyone in walmart is one of these "people" but there always seems to be a decent sized sample of strange characters walking around in there. People that seem to catch the eye and attention of everyone "normal" in the store. Yet, where are all these people outside around town. Even a small town of a few thousand people, you tend to still have this walmart phenomena.

Frankly, these people are aliens. Walmart is some sort of docked spacecraft or inter-dimensional hub that is facilitating the development/integration of alien life.

The "people of walmart" are the actual aliens/visitors. They are strange in appearance and action, they stick out and draw attention from everyone around them. If they where released directly into town without the shelter of a popular meme they would be immediately spotted and discovered.

I theorize that when they arrive at walmart, they are at their peak strangeness and therefor are most vulnerable. However, given the 24 hour nature of walmart. They are able to blend in and stay in the store until their awkwardness diminishes and they become acclimated to society. At which point they are released from walmart and blend into their surroundings.

The setup is perfect, their presence is not only expected but the source of amusement. All the while they push their cart around the store endlessly for days(probably several weeks) as they slowly become "normal". Once they no longer draw the gaze of passersby and have learned all they can from the never ending onslaught of information from the demo televisions(sports, news, reality tv) in the electronics section. They are able to freely slip out the front door and meld with society.

It's been there all along, right under everyone's nose.

Oh man, this post cheered me up no end, so funny. I thought I was reading something from a 'VIZ' comic. My kind of humour.

Have you got any more like this? Please share.

a reply to: MisterSpock

Brilliant!

a reply to: MisterSpock

That was actually really compelling and well thought out.

I don't know either way so I'll just keep this in mind next time I end up at the xenobiology zoo.

a reply to: MisterSpock

You don't enter Wal-Mart as an oddity and leave normal. As a "normal" person it's important to keep track of how long you've been in a Wal-Mart (why are you in Wal-Mart?) lest you become one of the featured attractions.

Most likely those "large" people of walmart only take one trip from home and it's straight to walmart and straight back home.

It's the same with people with social anxiety and other nervous issues - they go direct to the place they need to the most and race straight back home.

Cool theory, though.

Of course aliens go to walmart. There not stupid, they like to save money as much as anyone in the universe.

Shucks…I even seen a couple of em at Wendy’s the other day. The salads are very cheap.

Never though in Berger King--too expensive, and the hotdogs suck.

Hmmmm...

Maybe white trash is an intergalactic species of alien?

From the planet Michelob 4, basking in the Budweiser springs. A place where the wind sounds like NASCAR as it rustles through the cut off jean-short forest...

Or maybe I'm thinking of Alabama.

originally posted by: doobydoll

originally posted by: MisterSpock
I was having a discussion the other day with a friend. The topics were the usual mundane stuff, but little did I know that one of them would set off a thought process that may have possibly uncovered the largest alien conspiracy in recorded history. I implore you to follow along, once you reach the end I'm sure you will have the same feeling I had. A sudden moment of clarity and amusement at just how complex yet simple this whole plan is.

So our conversation included a brief discussion about one of America's unique aspects, walmart. More precisely the "people of walmart". We were joking around and of course we mentioned the usual scenario that people always see the strangest people at walmart. My comment, something to the effect of how the people you see at walmart are people that you "never even knew this town had" or "never see them in town" is what later sparked a revelation.

A revelation that may single handily alter the future of humanity.

I'll get right to it.

Everyone is familiar with the whole "people of walmart" scenario, it's the basis for many jokes and even websites dedicated to the phenomena. While most shrug it off in amusement and chalk it up to just being a funny thing, as I have, I think there's much more to it.

Granted not everyone in walmart is one of these "people" but there always seems to be a decent sized sample of strange characters walking around in there. People that seem to catch the eye and attention of everyone "normal" in the store. Yet, where are all these people outside around town. Even a small town of a few thousand people, you tend to still have this walmart phenomena.

Frankly, these people are aliens. Walmart is some sort of docked spacecraft or inter-dimensional hub that is facilitating the development/integration of alien life.

The "people of walmart" are the actual aliens/visitors. They are strange in appearance and action, they stick out and draw attention from everyone around them. If they where released directly into town without the shelter of a popular meme they would be immediately spotted and discovered.

I theorize that when they arrive at walmart, they are at their peak strangeness and therefor are most vulnerable. However, given the 24 hour nature of walmart. They are able to blend in and stay in the store until their awkwardness diminishes and they become acclimated to society. At which point they are released from walmart and blend into their surroundings.

The setup is perfect, their presence is not only expected but the source of amusement. All the while they push their cart around the store endlessly for days(probably several weeks) as they slowly become "normal". Once they no longer draw the gaze of passersby and have learned all they can from the never ending onslaught of information from the demo televisions(sports, news, reality tv) in the electronics section. They are able to freely slip out the front door and meld with society.

It's been there all along, right under everyone's nose.

Oh man, this post cheered me up no end, so funny. I thought I was reading something from a 'VIZ' comic. My kind of humour.

Have you got any more like this? Please share.

We should send the "Bottom inspectors" over to Walmart, they would suss the situation out in the blink of a goldfish fart!

Warmest

Lags

a reply to: MisterSpock

A good many years ago Wal-Mart attempted to build a single store in Ramat Gan (Large suburb of Tel Aviv).
The job site became so over run with anomalies, injuries and freak incidents that it was finally closed down and the store was never built.



Buck

a reply to: MisterSpock



You had me all excited. I hate to let you down, but no they are not alien. Allot of the people who shop there are nothing more than rude, nasty, trash. I did not say all of them. I said allot of them. I have been known to shop there, but I do try and make it a point to go to target instead.