How a woman ruined my life

I was married to this girl for 11 years, she was my best friend my everything. I really took her for granted and didn't step up to be the provider she needed cause I was too young, dumb, and lazy.

We both gradually became depressed and our love started fading, we were totally consumed by bad habits and when I got Clean she kept going.

She started staying out late and never coming home, we we're falling apart and after a few days she kicked me out of the family...

I had to live in men's shelter........i found out pretty soon that my biggest fear had come true and she was cheating on me, and this guy had taken my place and supported her using.

Ever since that day I have been ruined inside, I am so depressed I can barely function. It's been months and I haven't been able to laugh or smile at all.

I am In a perpetual depression that is with me every second of every day and I feel like my life is over. Like I will never me happy again.

We have two kids together and it just kills me not being able to see them and raise them every day.

I have never been this unhappy this many days in a row.

Except now there is hope! She is drifting apart from her boyfriend and we have been hanging out quite a bit lately....she says she wants to stop with the negative habits and be a family again.

It's going to be hard though cause her boyfriend told her if we get back togethet he hopes she's happy being married to a vegetable the rest of her life..........

It's a risk I am willing to take because without my family life is over and i would never take her for granted again

I just wrote out the whole story so much better but I lost it.... There is so much more to this story. This was am ultra condensed partial segment....id be happy to answer any questions

Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

You mean don't get back together with her? For the second time I should say... We split up for a year before once already for exact same reason

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

this isnt about relationships rob,

originally posted by: GoShredAK
We have two kids together and it just kills me not being able to see them and raise them every day.

its about the kids, he certainly should get back with her and work to keep a healthy family.

if she falls back to bad habits he will be better positioned to get the kids away from her,
long as he doesnt screw it up, or get screwed again.

originally posted by: GoShredAK

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

You mean don't get back together with her? For the second time I should say... We split up for a year before once already for exact same reason

Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me.

I'm not sure why you are looking for advise, you already know what you are going to do, again.

Why would you not call the proper authorities on her for being an unfit mother due to her using?

originally posted by: NobodiesNormal

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

this isnt about relationships rob,

originally posted by: GoShredAK
We have two kids together and it just kills me not being able to see them and raise them every day.

its about the kids, he certainly should get back with her and work to keep a healthy family.

one parent is clean, the other still a user.
the family isn't healthy.

it is not his responsibility to work to keep the family together. she has done this to him twice. done this to the family twice.

she needs to put in the work.

I have no advice for you AK.

you're being manipulated.
she destroys the family twice - yet you are to blame for this.

you are not.

I no its about the kids but IV been there done that so I no wat it's like ..

a reply to: GoShredAK

Take back Your 'power' and do it post haste..

If You get pissed over what someone else says or does, who has the 'power' You or the person pissing You off? You want to be an integral part of Your progenies life then be an integral part and don't fall prey to flimsy excuses "She yelled at Me" "She did this" "She did that" These are excuses. What did You do?


I apologize if this reads crass but You need to 'shake Yourself' and many times this is accomplished by heeding the advice from someone who doesn't have any skin in the game being discussed...

Do what YOU can and if She does clean up Her act then by all means She can join Y'all...

I'll ask this question and by all means if You'd like to handle it as a rhetorical query, that is fine...

What was the reason She provides for Her using? ( I must admit I'm doing a bunch of ASS/U/ming on my end and am thinking the drug of choice is something heavier than Cannabis?? Note* In My assumption gauge I don't agree with the Feds that Cannabis is on the same page as Heroin..)

Stay Hydrated...

originally posted by: thesaneone

originally posted by: GoShredAK

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

You mean don't get back together with her? For the second time I should say... We split up for a year before once already for exact same reason

Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me.

I'm not sure why you are looking for advise, you already know what you are going to do, again.

Why would you not call the proper authorities on her for being an unfit mother due to her using?

At first I really wanted to call the cops on her but realized I had nothing........she hides it too well....

I actually did call the cops one time when I was real frantic but they said there was nothing really they could do.

These days were being civil and getting along so I don't want her to get in trouble anymore....

She is a good mom, but she does need to get it together

a reply to: NobodiesNormal

Thanks I appreciate your post and it makes sense......

Even if she does screw me over again I would be in a better position...

originally posted by: bluetrees

originally posted by: NobodiesNormal

originally posted by: robbeh
Don't do it big mistake she will make a fool outa u amigo ...

this isnt about relationships rob,

originally posted by: GoShredAK
We have two kids together and it just kills me not being able to see them and raise them every day.

its about the kids, he certainly should get back with her and work to keep a healthy family.

one parent is clean, the other still a user.
the family isn't healthy.

it is not his responsibility to work to keep the family together. she has done this to him twice. done this to the family twice.

she needs to put in the work.

I have no advice for you AK.

you're being manipulated.
she destroys the family twice - yet you are to blame for this.

you are not.

Yeah for the longest time it was all my fault even though I was fighting to get us both clean and keep from loosing her...

Only very recently she has admitted she needs to stop using.

a reply to: JimNasium

Her reason was to deal with the depression of struggling financially and stressing all the time.

That's where I failed I wasn't stepping up as the father and husband I was supposed to.

get your kids back and run

a reply to: wheresthebody

In the beginning when I was fuming angry cause of her cheating on me and lying, having another man around my kids and using drugs with them in the house, that's exactly what I wanted to do.....

The problem was I was homeless, I had a job but was homeless so I was unfit to care for them.

Another thing is that would have been a scary commitment. She is not an easy woman to deal with

Fast forward to the past few days. She has had me over to dinner, we have been hanging out and getting closer and she has been telling me she wants to quit and she wants her family back...... She just has to get rid of her horrible tweeker boyfriend who has threatened to turn me into a vegetable.

a reply to: GoShredAK

And I know I sound like an idiot not wanting to kick her to the curb but I cant help how in love I am......it sucks.....i wish I wasn't in so deep.

Then you add in our two kids.... My son is already obviously affected by this and I'm loosing so much precious time with my daughter.

I see them 2 days Every week right now, the wife and I have just handled everything between ourselves and not done any paperwork or involved the courts at all...

Um, so....

She's using, and you're not....if your situation is stable and can pass the muster test for children services....report her to them. She'll get investigated and likely drug tested. Which only helps you in the process of your kids. Also it start leaving a trail for others to follow.

If your compass is true, you'll get yer kids, and she'll get forcibly humbled.

As far as she goes however......just let her be.......you cant help her...and that love has long since sailed...

'HOW A WOMAN RUINED MY LIFE?'

How about taking some responsability here? title should read 'How I ruined my life'.

And be carefull with your definitions, for as you define, so you will experience, this is key.

the statement I AM is very powerfull. So if you state I AM depressed, it will be so.

Circumstances dont matter, only state of being matters.

Disregard all the circumstances, it is you, and only you who is responsible for the way you feel right now. YOU choose with every thought how you wish to respond to a situation, acknowledge this.


There is a riddle i like alot, it goes as follows,

I AM centered in love and trust
I AM supported in warmth and understanding
The darkside is my friend, I will only gain strength from it, even as it allowes me to express the light that I know I am.

Have a brilliant day.

a reply to: cyberjedi

You're absolutely right it is more accurate to say how I ruined my life. I could have prevented it if I wasn't such an idiot at the time.

It's just crazy how I went from having everything I could ever ask for to losing it, and how severely it has brought me down.....

I was taking her for granted and I really didn't know what I had till it was gone.