Houston Pastor JOEL OSTEEN Will NOT Open His Mega-Church To Flood Victims!.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

No. It's the word of God come down from the kitchen above my computer room...

Not quite Moses and a burning bush, but good enough for this thread.

originally posted by: seagull
So there isn't a book in the bible, the Gospels of Joel, wherein it is taught that one may fleece your flock and lock the temple when it is most needed to shelter and feed them??

Stop being mean to him! Those people are really dirty and he just had the rugs cleaned.

a reply to: Awen24


You're saying that Matthew 25:41 applies to Joel Osteen? Could be! He'll probably continue to do well here on Earth, since Satan rules humankind at this point. But afterwards...

a reply to: carewemust

Can't say I'm surprised. People like him only care how large the numbers are in their banks. Opening his doors and doing the "Christian" thing, would mean the numbers go down a bit.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

OH, rugs?? Well that's a valid reason... I mean, geeze, you'd never get the stench of the great unwashed out of 'em...he'd have to have 'em all torn out and replaced.

Ok so...given the humour and such, the thing is...


It's a flood!

Like in the bible!

Everyone dies, no mercy is shown except for...

well I dunno.

originally posted by: seagull
a reply to: theantediluvian

That's exactly who he'll aim his BS at, too.

Those who can least afford to give him any money. These are quite literally indulgences that are, according to Luther, anti-ethical to Christian teachings.

In that case, he has 80% of Houston's population at his disposal. I heard that even with ample warning, most residents couldn't leave Houston because the vast majority of residents couldn't afford a hotel room in Dallas or San Antonio for a few days. They just blame the mayor/governor, out of shame for being so broke.

Sanctuary.

You're supposed to be able to turn to the church in any time of need...aren't you???

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Also, they'll drink all the TaB out of the vending machines and he has to get that s# specially stocked. Do you know how hard it is to find TaB these days?.

a reply to: Jonjonj

Except for Joel and his little flock of true suck-ups, I mean believers? ...and another rainbow, this one the color of a 100 dollar bill, shall be a sign of the second covenant.

By golly, I think you've got it!!

originally posted by: seagull
OH, rugs?? Well that's a valid reason... I mean, geeze, you'd never get the stench of the great unwashed out of 'em...he'd have to have 'em all torn out and replaced.

And that costs money.

Thankfully his suckers, I mean parishioners, have plenty more to donate.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: DBCowboy
In the book of Coins 23-25; You won't be touching thyne stuff because thyne stuff is myne and if you touch thyne stuff which is myne, I will smack you down.

Cersei Lannister is more likable then this clown.

Trump is more likeable than-. . . . .never mind.

I went too far.

originally posted by: Tempter
He probably has his hands tied by insurance companies or the bank. Have any of you thought of that?..if he goes against his terms he could lose everything and then how many people could he help?

Don't waste a chance to bash someone successful, ATS.

If that's the case, then none of the residents with dry homes should open them to needy flood victims. My Dad's insurance got sued because a visitor to his birthday party last year slipped on the ice!

originally posted by: Tulpa
Sanctuary.

You're supposed to be able to turn to the church in any time of need...aren't you???

Not Joel's church apparently.

He'll give you a book though, if you pay him $20 of course, which you can read to give yourself comfort in your flooded home while he sleeps on a pile of money in his palatial mansion.

Truly there is no one else in the world who follows Jesus' teachings so closely.

a reply to: theantediluvian

I can't believe I forgot that. TaB... (((face palm))) ...manna from heaven. No one but a true Osteenite may partake of the heavenly elixir that is TaB.

That, and the rugs.

originally posted by: theantediluvian
Also, they'll drink all the TaB out of the vending machines and he has to get that s# specially stocked. Do you know how hard it is to find TaB these days?.

Probably as hard as it is to find Mello Yello.

Anyone who is happy to have his wife on stage preaching like this shouldn't surprise you when he doesn't open his big, expensive doors to people in need.

Remember, God wants you to be happy, and He's happiest when you please yourself, not Him (according to the Osteen version of things). So do you really think it would make him happy to open his church doors to those dirty folks? Of course not ...

Anyone who thinks this is actually found anywhere in the Bible has a problem with their reading of it.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You mean the case of Mellow Yellow I bought two days ago is valuable? To someone other than myself, I mean??? ...and does that mean I'm not going to be able to get it east of the Mississippi, later this fall when I move?

I may have to rethink this whole moving thing...

His name used to be Joel Olsteen...

The Mandela Effect has you.

originally posted by: seagull
You mean the case of Mellow Yellow I bought two days ago is valuable? To someone other than myself, I mean??? ...and does that mean I'm not going to be able to get it east of the Mississippi, later this fall when I move?

I may have to rethink this whole moving thing...

Wait a second. You're moving east? Like in closer to me?

The doors to Temple Augie are closed.