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Funniest One-Liner of 2017

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posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 11:10 AM
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Funniest One-Liner of 2017



"Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe," which has for 10 years now let the public select the funniest one-liner from a judges' shortlist. This year's top 10 winners:

"I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change." (Ken Cheng)

"Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book." (Frankie Boyle)

"I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" (Alexei Sayle)

"I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her." (Lew Fitz)

"I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated." (Andy Field)

"Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant." (Mark Simmons)

"I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." (Jimeoin)

"I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house." (Ed Byrne)

"I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine." (Olaf Falafel)

"Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' (Alasdair Beckett-King)


Which is your favorite?

Mine? The UMbrella.


peace




posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 12:13 PM
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a reply to: silo13

id have to agree the Um brella one is damn good, almost reminds me of Mitch Headberg.

The girl next door was pretty good too.



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 12:51 PM
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a reply to: silo13
Right, but that one has to be changed to ''"I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella' but he hesitated.
Can't have it be two sentences otherwise it isn't a ''one liner'

Did you hear about the man who walked into a second hand store to get one for his watch?
Did you hear about the dog that walked down the street and saw a picket fence with a sign on it that read ''wet paint'' and did?



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 12:55 PM
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a reply to: silo13

Thanks for sharing bud! I liked coincidences and rhetorical questions. Umbrella was terrific. A variation on that has to have existed... I refuse to believe that morsel of humor was just sitting there in plain sight all this time just waiting to be discovered...


Some of these kind of remind me of stephen wright, with the puns.
edit on 8/25/2017 by 3n19m470 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:12 PM
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a reply to: 3n19m470

I refuse to believe that morsel of humor was just sitting there in plain sight all this time just waiting to be discovered...


Actually, I was jealous and hung my head for not having discovered it decades ago.



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:21 PM
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OMG me neither!



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:24 PM
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a reply to: silo13

Frankie Boyle.



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:33 PM
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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
Emo Philips

edit on 25-8-2017 by ElGoobero because: fix originator

edit on 25-8-2017 by ElGoobero because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:47 PM
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a reply to: silo13

Some more from the last few years


"I've decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust." – Tim Vine

"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief." – Mark Watson

"This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it." – Felicity Ward

"My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'." - Tim Vine

"I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance." - Bobby Main

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." - Darren Walsh

"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter." - Masai Graham

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas." - Mark Nelson

"Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day." - Tom Parry

"One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out" – Tim Vine



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 01:58 PM
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a reply to: 3n19m470, TerryMcGuire

I know - really. It's just been sitting there and someone finally picked it up.




posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 02:00 PM
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a reply to: Kandinsky


"I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance." - Bobby Main


I scared my cat when I read this one!

Those are great!

peace



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 02:06 PM
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People laughed at me when I said I was going to be a comedian, but nobody's laughing now.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are, but I laugh more.

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 03:42 PM
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I like the one about the rhetorical question, but what do I know?

But I agree with the umbrella one, that one was probably the best.



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 05:53 PM
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Burglars smashed a hole in a wall, police are looking into it...



posted on Aug, 25 2017 @ 06:56 PM
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There was a story about an excellent farmer, well he was out standing in his field.




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