Gosh I meet a lot of people. I have to make chit-chat every day for work. First impressions are everything!
I take in a lot of information. A lot more than I really want to in most cases. I am the fly on the wall. But sometimes I’m not; sometimes I’m
part of the conversations people have.
Essentially, I’m drowned in a sea of passing faces and never felt more alone.
I never knew what I was missing until I had to confront it every day. In short, I’m talking about human interaction, and human companionship.
Pre-emptively, I wish to address those members whom insist that loneliness and alone-ness is the only way to be, for that is the way they strive.
Fine, but surely it can be agreed not everyone strives in that kind of environment.
We all have different social and emotional needs, desires, etc.
If you thrive alone. Great. Godspeed! If you thrive among others, glorious! We all need to have a nurturance and fullness in our lives. Whatever works
for you, okay? Mkay.
I was a very outgoing and social person growing up. I love group dynamics and my desire is for my cohort to have a sense of well-being and importance.
I am a leader, an Aries. It’s in my stars.
When one of mine is feeling down or troubled, I feel it too. It is my aim to hold the good of the all.
I know the sage advice is not to depend on others to make you happy. But what if happiness comes from casting pebbles in the pond and the rebounding
of waves. What if others are the mirror in which we see ourselves?
What if there is stillness, stagnation? The pond becomes a murk and the reflections are obscured.
I think it is human nature to look into this mirror, seeking the reflection that draws out our best image. Oh, it’s narcissism for sure, but a more
acceptable form of it. We’re looking for that part of ourselves that shines in another.
I also think it’s such an impending human drive that the species would not continue without it. Damn, we pair off and have kids right out the gate.
Within our first 20 years in most cases. Hell, it was even a bit younger in generations past.
And then we have still a lot of years, decades ahead of us.
And now 10 years have got behind you / No one told you when to run / You missed the starting gun
Indeed, it becomes too late in life to find companionship if you never had it before. It becomes too late to answer that call. Like the lone wolf that
dies without finding a pack to take it in, so does the human heart of fire reduce to embers, desperately fanned over the years until there’s nothing
So, why is it too late?
Well, you approach that age (insert your own ##’s) when you realize there aren’t others like you and there aren’t going to be.
There are singles, and there are single parents. There are divorced, and never-have-been-marrieds. There’s a lot of variety.
As the years pass, likelihood increases that one is passing through more milestones: serious relationship > marriage > kids > divorce etc.
With each signpost behind us, our focus becomes tighter, narrower, and our desire is more realized. We know better what we want and don’t want. And
with fewer years to dawdle, let’s face it, we’re going to get pickier and pickier as there is less time and less patience for surprise chances.
At my age, people know what they want and don’t want in relationships. Foolishly, I’m still uncertain.
Open to everything, I will get nothing. By default, I’m stuck in desperation.
This is a vast desert.
edit on 14-8-2017 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)