posted on Aug, 10 2017 @ 04:09 PM
I think we would all do better if we could learn how to discern what to be thankful about and what not to be thankful about.
I think it's not a sin to not be thankful for certain things.
On the contrary I think it's appropriate, healthy, and righteous to be unappreciative of certain situations. And I think I've been triggered by all
of the "I'm so thankful of all the hardships because if it wasn't for them then I wouldn't be the beautiful strong person that I am today"
meme's floating around, lol.
And I know that a lot of those people are probably talking about getting a college degree, parenting, the creative process, dieting and exercise,
being challenged by naysayers and debbie downers, and etc. And those are all hard things sometimes but they are not what I am referring to at this
point in time, so please just put it out of your minds. Because I have actually had people urge me to be thankful for childhood abuse... and people
are actually feigning appreciation for their own twisted abuses. Like how they are so thankful that they suffered a drug addiction but now they've
recovered and omg now they're a fugging hero. Or how they were so abused by their fathers but now they won't recycle the abuse because instead they
are thanking the abuse for molding them into the beautiful strong people they are today. And now we have another fugging hero.
And for one, I'd rather live in a place that doesn't fugging need hero's.
And secondly, I love my friends but I just have this one thing to say to all of that:
I WILL NEVER BE THANKFUL OF CHILD ABUSE. OR ADULT ABUSE. OR ANIMAL AND EARTH ABUSE. OR ANY ABUSE OF ANY FUGGING KIND.
Because to me, the word "abuse" itself connotes that we are talking about a thing that is basically unnecessary in regards to our survival. Like
how drinking gasoline is unnecessary to our survival. So drinking gasoline would be an abuse to your body.
And I think it's time we all faced it: SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN AND NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OUT OF IT.
And sometimes it doesn't have to make sense because sometimes it won't always fit into the mold of your particular perception of reality. Like
seriously, not everything has to be a blessing in fugging disguise.
But I understand how it might help make things easier to swallow... for you maybe. That's just not the case for me. Because personally, instead of
performing the mental gymnastics of turning a horrific and abusive event into a beautiful butterfly to be celebrated, I choose to forgive everything.
Forgiveness is the path that I have chosen and I don't have to create a labyrinth of mental gymnastics to make sense out of it. I simply have
mercy... on myself and the world. For being imperfect. And that is how I cope with the unthankfulness of knowing that sometimes bad things happen
and nothing good ever comes out of it. That, and I know that there is more to this life than whatever I think it is.
And just because I forgive? It doesn't mean I'll ever forget... or be thankful. In fact, you can't forgive something that you're truly thankful
for, can you? Think about that for a fugging moment.
And just because I'm NOT thankful of certain hardships, it doesn't mean I'm never thankful. On the contrary! I'm thankful of so many things and
honestly these things are probably the only reason why I'm alive today: being thankful of the appropriate things, and having mercy on myself and the
I know it's a recurring theme in my life... but it's come up again and this time I just want you all to know that I'm feeling much better. Much,