How to kill a great night

My wife and I are from the school that if we invite someone i.e. my parents, the person doing the inviting pays for the meal. Although, on the other hand, we have learned through IRL discussions and discussions like this topic that our way of thinking is either outdated or just not practiced in the states in general (spent most of my career overseas), so we ensure that if invited by others a. we order 'practically' (read cheap) and b. be prepared to pay for our share (but only what we ordered not a 50/50 split).

Where I come from that's rude as all hell...You don't ever invite people out for an event or dinner and not offer to pay. I could never imagine my grandfather ever even attempting to do such a thing...In fact we would fight over me paying at all...Which happens almost everytime me and my ol lady go eat with them. It's not hard to know what you spent on this year especially when looking at the bill...So to think he was oblivious to what was going on is absurd. Glad your partner was able to take the lead being it was her family and all. To be honest though I am the type who would fork out the money anyway or I would've just not gone if it was really that tight. Man...Manners seem to lack these days but I would never expect it from that generation!

Edit: wanted to add that I'm going through a similar issue right now. We just moved to Nashville from Orlando and my girl was sad about leaving her best friend as was the friend. So being the nice people we are we thought it would be a great birthday gift to offer to fly her out here and put her up for a week so they could hang out. Ohhhhhh no...Now every time I turn around she can't afford anything associated with the trip...Can't pay for her luggage can't pay for drinks and such...But we already bought the flight so now what...We eat the cost. So a nice 150$ bday gift will end up being 3-400$ because she can't afford any of it and neglected to say anything...But she sure can go shopping and buy drinks at home though. I totally feel your pain when it comes to getting roped into funding other people's good time without even being asked.

a reply to: AMNicks

I know that when I go out, I always expect to divide the bill, rather than itemize. It's not always fair, but it's the simplest method and it's what I have used for quite a while. I even split the bill when my friends decided to utilize the Saki menu at a very nice sushi place...And the Saki menu was more expensive than a wine menu.

The other alternative is to tell the wait staff that you would like to have a separate ticket for your own items. Most wait staff are have no problem doing this.

a reply to: AMNicks

Awkward or not, I will not be taken advantage of. This would have been settled right away. Would you rather have them like you because you are a push over or dislike you because you are not?

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I would have ordered last and then got things of a similar price and when the bill came around I would have said thanks for the invite and meal.

If that didn't work I absolutely would not have split even when I ordered cheaper #. Not playing that.
If pa would have got pissed I would have left without paying #.

As you can guess I don't go to those types of dinners. My wife and daughter go out several times a week and of course I pay. Not paying for others.

It's up on my list of things I refuse to do. Right behind buying Christmas presents for adults.
Don't do that either

a reply to: AMNicks

You're 21...that's why its unusual to you.. .but its common.. .just expect it cause it happens.

Imagine frequently dining out in Manhattan or Los Angeles with friends

a reply to: AMNicks

Whenever me n my sweet baby are having dinner with others, I take the opportunity when the waiter asks for drink orders, that it will be me and her on one bill.
After the bills come, toss a lil extra to whoever had the birthday boy on their bill.

Done and done.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: AMNicks

You need to be honest and up front when that occurs, 'Listen, money's very tight for us right now, I can only afford to pay for what we had and we purposefully ordered inexpensive items due to our finances. I'm sure you'll understand.'

Whatever happened to the old dine and dash? I can afford the $50 worth of margaritas, but sliding out bathroom windows into an alley is a thrill you just can't put a price on!

It's also a great "getting to know you" rite for new couples.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

$50 in Margaritas? Go big, order a shot or three of Louis IIIX and then split.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Since OP's was a family function, he should have REALLY dashed off. Then you don't get invited back to those things

Win-win.

a reply to: AMNicks

You aren't wrong; they were completely rude and out of line. They had no right to expect people to pay a quarter of the bill, when said people didn't consume that much. Sounds like they planned to have "guests" cover part of the cost of the party, which is in very bad form. If that was the plan, they should have made that clear up front.