a reply to: wtbengineer
I'm sorry to hear of your concerns, I can certainly sympathize although I am fortunate enough to not understand. I think the fact that you are
concerned not for yourself but for your family is noble and heart warming, and proof that you deserve the love you get and give.
The dream affected me enough that I am putting off sleep as I type this. I don't want to deal with that ache again tomorrow. It's been a long time
since I felt this way from a dream. It makes me wonder if she is somewhere and sometime feeling the same thing "today". Maybe it is selfish, but part
of me hopes so. I'm not even entirely comfortable saying that but it's the truth.
I have no doubt that what I have read so far about Skole is believable at the very least. There are many things in this life that I don't know how to
reconcile with my previous 36 or so years of experience. Things I have experienced and learned first hand, while being told that I couldn't possible
have experienced or learned. Some days I am at ease and peace with those things and my inability to understand them. Some days I can't stand not
knowing and I get aggressive in my attempts to antagonize in order to try and force a particular result. I don't even know why really, it's not like I
could share any proof in a way that would be substantial for anyone else even if it was offered.
I think that is and always has been the nature of these things. It isn't for mass consumption, and for good reason. I know there is an "out there"
whether it is truly out, or maybe in. There is no doubt in my mind. I asked for a specific message or sign, and have gotten it in return on a daily
basis for almost 5 years. Those signs mean nothing to anyone but me though. It wasn't even until recently that I truly understood just how profound
and undeniable those signs are. I don't know what if anything was and is sacrificed for that to occur, hopefully nothing but I am starting to doubt
that. It is a swift kick in the pants as a call to action that I failed to heed for far too long. That isn't fair at all, and it was childish and
immature and conceited to deny or question it.
I don't even know what I am trying to say, but I firmly believe the signs and hints are there for all of us if we choose to look for them. They are
subtle and mysterious though, until they are recognized for what they are. Then they are pretty in your face. At that point they are very comforting,
and I fear little if nothing other than my own capability for failure and weakness. I do know though that it is never too late to right wrongs, or
correct headings. My life today, right now, is ample evidence of that. If I truly got what I had deserved Inwould have none of this. Maybe Indont, and
I did. I guess it doesn't matter because I am working with what I have regardless.
I don't mean to be so somber. Sometimes I start writing and things take on a life of their own.
Yes I do spend a minimum of an hour, if I have the time I can spend two. More than once I have had to crawl out of the bathroom because my legs stop
working. I get some serious reading and thinking done though so it's worth it!
I do my best to get up to speed on Skole and get a full version of CfT. I still got the itch, I'm just doing a damn good job of not scratching it.
Still plenty of time for reading and discussion, but right now there are wonders to behold. Lots and lots of wonders.