Thank you very much for taking the time to read this thread. It is my hope that I will be able to impart as much of my experiences as
possible while simultaneously learning and supporting others with similar experiences.
Always remember that any amount of light will always pierce through the darkness.
I type this at 22:40 EST on Monday, July 3rd 2017. I am unsure what sort of direction this post will take, although I have a feeling that it will be
quite a long one. For those that stick around for the entire thing, you have my gratitude. I have been mulling over these thoughts and how exactly to
articulate them for my entire life, especially within the last 1 - 1.5 years. The course of my life has taken several unexpected turns, and at each
crossroads I find that my entire perception of how I define myself changes so drastically that it is inconceivable that my past selves and I were at
one point the same person.
I will begin with who I am now in order to provide a better understanding of the past events that have helped shape me into who I am today.
I am above all a human, one that frantically seeks what I know will destroy who I am now and forever alter who I will become. I am a human that fears
that which I desire most, a human whose pursuits threaten to consume everything I have ever known in an roaring conflagration that bathes all in the
searing light of truth.
Time and time again I have begun this search, only to abandon it and after some time begin yet again where my past selves left off. I know not for how
long this vicious cycle will continue, but I feel that this time it will be different. The only way to break any cycle is to leave it, and the only
way to leave is to change. It is this ruthless and unrelenting desire for change that fuels the fire for my very existence.
I desire to change everything I perceive, everything on which my gaze lands, everything I touch, everything that allows me to interact with it in some
way, be it physically, emotionally, and / or spiritually.
As a human, I want to experience as much as I can about these realities while I am still alive. What impedes me is the primal fear of the unknown, a
fear that draws me closer while pushing me away.
I so desperately want to understand, and yet I fear that the very understanding that I seek will be my final undoing.
I am a student of varied disciplines with varying degrees of aptitude. I wish to learn from those who have devoted their entire lives to studying but
a tiny facet of an uncountably infinite web of meaning and truth. Through learning from their excursions into the unknown, I can prepare myself for my
own, and subsequently can assist those who wish to undertake their own unique journey.
In addition to the study of conventional human knowledge, I am drawn to other wells of understanding and experience. My past selves would have
dismissed what I am about to delineate to you as absurd, as pure nonsense, as a trick of the human mind. The reason I am writing this is because I
believe that what I have experienced is as true as my belief that I am talking to other sentient entities whose experience and awareness is separate
(in most cases) from my own. I believe that what I am about to describe is merely a small piece of a puzzle of staggering complexity, and my piece
might help others solve their own puzzle, even if it is only through the connection of a single piece.
I started to become acutely aware of these "paranormal" experiences around February of 2016. For the previous sections of my life, I rationalized
their existence using religious lines of reasoning or by shrugging them off entirely. In some ways I almost wish that I had never descended down the
rabbit hole, as it might be infinite - I know all too well how pathetically fragile the human psyche is.
Regardless, after contemplating the meaning of my existence an innumerable amount of times as well attempting to end it several times I have somehow
held onto a will to live. This will has been bent and contorted beyond recognition, yet it has never broken. At times I do not understand how, but I
have come to discover that although humans are fragile, they possess a resilience and tenacity that abounds from the depths of their very souls. I am
In Feburary of 2016 I was outside my house at around 12:30 - 12:40 EST. I heard a sound that emanated from everywhere and nowhere simultaneously,
resounding internally and externally through my very being. I suddenly felt compelled to look at the sky.
I saw a brilliant ball of bright orange light whose movement was not restricted by the drawbacks of human engineering. It was surrounded by a halo in
the shape of concave diamond, whose points were located at the cardinal directions. This object moved in erratic directions at speeds I have never
seen before, and it moved closer and closer to me.
I dropped onto my knees.
My myopic view of what little I already knew instantly shattered, and I was left to pick up the pieces. I gazed upwards in astonishment as I beheld my
2nd conscious witnessing of an orb of light.
At this point, I was speechless. I had checked if I was dreaming, and I once again checked the time of my phone; I made sure that the recording I took
of this object actually existed. I was not dreaming - this was reality. I am not a schizophrenic, and if it was a hallucination then it was a
hallucination as real as what I am typing now. It could have been an implanted memory, but it would have been an elaborate memory indeed, complete
with the manipulation of other sentient beings and physical technology, among other things.
I thought to myself:
"If you are truly a God, show me a sign."
The entire sky, formerly black as any other night I have experienced, lit up with a shade of light pink. Everything became illuminated, and at this
point I think I started crying.
something, and then physical reality bent in accordance with this thought. I asked for a sign using only my mind
, and I
received one, for if one was to probe the depths of my subconscious, they would instantly understand that I perceive light pink as a sign of God.
I was so awestruck that I made a mental pact to not record this event, as it was unbelievably personal. I was mentally screaming for understanding,
for truth to be expressed in ways that my human mind could comprehend.
After about 10 or 15 minutes of this object silently observing me, and I it, I went inside. The hue of the sky regressed to the black it once was.
I literally could not comprehend what I had just witnessed. I sat in my room, detached from everything and everyone.
Everything had lost its meaning, and I dissociated from my environment and myself in a way I could not comprehend without experiencing it in that
moment. I was a hollow shell of what I once was; my perceptions, my supposed "knowledge" regarding the true nature of reality, my very sense of self
I somehow managed to regain my composure, and started replaying what I had just witnessed.
A flying orb changed the color of the sky in response to a thought I had, using knowledge deep within my subconscious.
Was I sure I wasn't dreaming? Was I sure that wasn't just an elaborate hallucination?
I checked my phone once again, and the video remained.