a reply to: imwilliam
Hello william. I would first and foremost like to applaud you for this thread, for what it takes of you to recognize a part of yourself you do not
like which arises outside of your control and to fight it.
I do agree with your sentiments about racism being more of a tribal thing, something that 'kicks in' if you will, because its all about differences
and when were angry or upset the biggest and easiest differemce to spot is volor because its immediate.
I am not a racist, i cannot tell you how to fight racism. But. I know the struggle you describe very, very well. It is the struggle of humanity, in a
sense, the struggling against the vain, baser instincts that plague us and keep us in ignorance.
Im not a racist but i am an asshole, too good with words for my own good, and a horrible friend. I am lazy and inconsiderate and am prone to being my
best the second or even third time around, but usually more times than that when its too late.
I fight these things. I fight these parts of me because i do not want these impurities. I struggle with them every day and they cause me severe
depression, because i dont have an easy fix like thinking of specific people of color who remind me that its not racism its just irrational difference
exxageration and fear. I have to fight my irrationality on a more visceral level and it kicks my ass hahaha.
I cant tell you anything more than what youve already expressed in your op. These thoughts happen automatically, and as soon as you become aware of
them you dislike them and disidentify with them and fight to quash them. Thats all you can do.
Something others have kind of touched on is that you can also in these moments instead of fighting to see specific people of color that remind you of
the irrationality of these thoughts, instead focus on higher rationality that escapes the fight: the fact that we are all human.
Because the fight may never end. You may have to quash these thoughts every day for the rest of your life. Be thankful yours are usually just thoughts
and dont spill over and affect your life and others' as frequently as mine do. But there is another option between giving up and fighting, which is
what nothin was getting at, stepping outside of the fight against the reacionary thoughts and or feelings of racistness and into the effort of
considering the human race as kindly as you can