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Child Abuse..Do You Ever Really Recover?

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posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 08:42 AM
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I turned 42 this year, the last time my dad used me as a punching bag i was 5 years old , i still wake up from nightmares to this day.

I tried everything under the sun be it legal or illegal, just to forget.

Now ive got a good job, 2 beautiful kids, i live in paradise, well for skiers, and now ive finnaly figured out the only way i could start healing, i had to forgive my 5 year old self, sounds weird but its help me to live a normal life.

Oh and sharing helps also, cleanses the soul.




posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 09:04 AM
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a reply to: EternalShadow


I couldn't give you an answer OP. All I can really say is, I believe my past really does something negative to me in some regards. I prefer not to go into detail in public but in many ways it effects my every day life.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 09:34 AM
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I was never abused by my family, so I have that. I did go through a year of intense bullying and then was bullied off and on for a time until I was into high school where I wound up in an abusive relationship.

I will only say that some experiences never leave you and always shape who you are to some degree for good or ill. It's up to you to recognize that and work to make it a strength rather than a weakness, and sometimes you can only do that with help.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 09:54 AM
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a reply to: DAVID64

It's how I live my life. I wish I didn't but even walking the streets I'm on edge. I literally do my best to avoid people, even people "normal" people would consider themselves friends or people I bump into all the time. Count yourself lucky that you can trust those close to you I literally do not trust any of them, whether it be because I somehow blame them for the abuse, even though intelligently I know they more than likely don't know that it happened (although I do have my suspicions about one member of my family who I think knew but chose to do nothing) but I couldn't trust a member of my family simply because almost all of them are gossips.

Here is an example of something that happened:

Due to the abuse I've always had a slight confusion over sexual orientation (my own) and still do to this day, although not as badly as before. I confided in someone after a little bit of a drink (Dutch courage lol) when they asked if I had a girlfriend which led to a conversation about my confusion (never mentioning the abuse) and within a week it had literally gotten round to brothers, sisters, a few cousins and someone even (and I swear to you) put one of those stupid "positive thinking" posts up with the picture (you know like "You don't have to be crazy to work here but it helps" sort of thing) up on their facebook page and then tagged just me, no one else just me. So that has lead me not to trust family members, I do have a therapist now (eight weeks in) and it's nice to talk to someone who doesn't judge or at least has to pretend not to judge lol. But back to my point, I only wish I had people around me who can be trusted.

(Oh the post they put up was a picture of a bloke standing with a man on his right and a woman on the left and the words read "Because society says you have to pick one side doesn't mean you have to be free to be with who you want" and them putting that up felt dangerously to the edge of announcing it to the world).



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 10:15 AM
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a reply to: EternalShadow

No.

But it helps to talk about it.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 11:31 AM
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a reply to: EternalShadow

I know with me, I keep my emotions locked inside. My wife says I don't smile a lot. For someone to say that Physical abuse and verbal abuse shouldn't affect someone's life, they themselves have never lived it. Counselor's think they have all the answers and think they understand the hurt we all feel inside. It's good to talk about it, but the abuser creates a life long impression on how we react. I grew up in a family where there was a lot of physical fighting and verbal abuse. I made a conscience decision when I was in my teens I would never raise my family in the same kind of atmosphere.

When I got married, three weeks into my marriage my wife got me upset about something. I became extremely angry and was ready to strike her. My wife clearly saw that and said "don't you dare hit me!" Thank God she said that, because it hit me like a ton of bricks! I stopped and realized I was going to continue something I had been subject to my entire life! I'm proud to say I have never laid a finger on my wife nor my kids through our entire marriage and we've been married for 33 years! I broke that chain of physical abuse.

The verbal abuse I continue to struggle on. I've said things I've had to apologized for. My kids and my wife know of my physical and verbal abuse during my upbringing. I always refused to bring my children into the home where my mother and eldest sister did all the physical abuse. (My father passed away when I was only 2 years old). I feared subjecting them to seeing arguments, verbal abuse and physical altercations, so I kept them away. I allowed my mother and sister to visit out house, but under the conditions there would be no arguments or fighting or they would be thrown out. My mother and sister decided to stay away and never stopped by to visit our kids. My children never had a close relationship with my mother or eldest sister because they knew of the abuse they subjected me to. They say you mellow as you get older. However, my mother still had the anger and meanness in her up until she died at the age of 95. She actually brought my second oldest sister to tears with her verbal abuse when she went to visit my mother at her assisted living residence. My sister was 62 yrs. old at the time, my mother was 91!

My one sister moved away as soon as she got married, and my other sister lives alone and never got married. Both decisions were directly related to the abuse they received. The one sister married someone she knew wasn't good for her, but she married him as a way to escape from all the abuse. She's now going through a divorce. She and her kids don't talk to her husband because he's an alcoholic that lives only to drink and get drunk. He's passed out drunk many times on the kitchen floor and his kids were embarrassed to bring any of their friends to the house. My other sister lacked confidence and became depressed because of the constant verbal abuse from my mother about her weight. She never felt attractive, no matter how many people complimented her on how pretty she was.

What's really hard to accept is how many people who knew my mother thought she was the sweetest person they ever met! The people at her assisted living residence found out real quick that my mother wasn't as sweet as they thought! They even had to kick my eldest sister off the premises during her visits to see my mother. My eldest sister would argue with the staff and disturb the other residents at the facility.

It's sad and embarrassing to say, but my other two sisters and myself didn't shed a tear when my mother passed. It was like a ton of bricks were lifted off our shoulders. We have no contact with our eldest sister and we'll finally feel free once she passes.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 11:31 AM
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No.But you learn to accept that That is your past,not your present.And you become The most loving parent ever.And eventually when enough time has past,you start to understand why she was the way she was.But you are not the same person she was,and that is freedom,and that is what makes you live your life in a different,better way.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 11:36 AM
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a reply to: dukeofjive696969

I am so bitterly sorry to hear that.Biiiiiig big ol' hug to you-now,and to your 5yo self.That broke my heart,to imagine.And i wish you all the best,forever.And f*ck our different worldviews -you are a brilliant person to rise above that



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 02:37 PM
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I just started looking at my own PTSD - CPTSD and am finding support. One of the most illuminating things for me was learning about cognitive distortions...helps me identify when my mind turns on me so to speak.

Anyone who suffers from trauma should investigate...


en.wikipedia.org...



edit on 6/24/2017 by kinglizard because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 04:19 PM
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originally posted by: EternalShadow
a reply to: Realtruth

It's sickening what some of us go through..it truly is.

I really appreciate your insight, because as of late, it's starting to leak out of the barriers I set in place as a child. Doesn't effect work or anything.. it's just there now.

My girls were never abused or hit either. They are grown women now, assured of their place in the world, their direction and now Dad is sifting through the mess I never let them see.

Kinda like bottling twice really.

I'm ashamed of not letting them know of such things, and at the same time, I'm ashamed for discounting them for who they are to understand such things.

There are just something parents just don't share to ensure our kids have a solid base.

Us guys, huh? Geezus...


You have shown true quality. A Man who does not treat his children with the abuse he has experience and protects them, is beautiful and I wish everyone was like that.
I am starting to think children who have not been abused in some way are rare. and becoming rarer every year.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 04:27 PM
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a reply to: WeRpeons




It's sad and embarrassing to say, but my other two sisters and myself didn't shed a tear when my mother passed.

I always feel that there is a reason that most people are what they are. What did your Mother experience that maybe she never even told anyone to fill her with anger and hate? I have been able to forgive a similar relationship because of that thought. We are all shaped by something and often people hold it in for life and it comes out in other ways. She may be needed help but never did get it and failed to reach out for it.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 04:31 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85




Due to the abuse I've always had a slight confusion over sexual orientation

Do you know how many people refuse to believe that young children being raped by the same-sex feel this? You are proof and so are many many others are too.



posted on Jun, 24 2017 @ 07:21 PM
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I would feel better if only one or two people responded to this thread but, sadly, there are a lot of us in existence.

Far too many.

I was always told as a child that God loves me and that the Nuns were brides of Christ.

I felt extreme pity for Jesus, married to these &^*&*.

Loneliness is what brings it into the forefront of many minds.

So many great insights in this thread, so many recovering souls.

P



posted on Jun, 26 2017 @ 05:35 AM
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a reply to: SeaWorthy

Her father was physically abusive. My mother was his favorite. We all knew it stemmed from her father and his father. My mother would always say she wished her kids were never born. She had a love hate relationship with her eldest daughter. She always confided in her even though my sister would physically fight with her. My two other sisters and myself felt like we had two mothers, our mother and our eldest sister.

I tried to forgive the physical abuse from my mother. I was even appointed her guardian during the last few years of her life after the police were called to her house and found my mother's face covered in blood caused by her eldest daughter. My eldest sister (who never got married, thank God!) lived with her and chronically physically abused her. Her neighbor told me the police were called to their house on numerous occasions for domestic abuse. My mother would always have bruises on her arms days after these altercations with my eldest sister (Karma's a bitch). With all the physical abuse my other two sisters and I received at the hands of my eldest sister all our young lives, she was finally arrested.

The biggest blow to any ounce of love I had for my mother came after her passing. My other sister who was also being physically abused asked for my help to locate some important tax papers upstairs in her attic. As I was going through a file cabinet, I stumbled upon a tablet that turned out to be my mother's diary. I didn't say anything to my sister and took it home and started reading it. The words in that diary were so hateful to me and my other two sister and my wife, my blood started to boil. In the diary she praised her eldest daughter and despised the rest of her children.

My wife told my sister I had found the diary and was very upset. My sister felt bad because she was hiding it to protect me from losing any kind of love I still had for my mother. To think my wife and I would go down to her nursing home, feed her, take her outside to enjoy the sunshine not knowing how much hate she had for me and my wife! I had a picture of my mother and I dancing together at my wedding hanging on the wall in our house. After reading her diary, I took the picture off the wall and told my wife I never wanted to see a picture of her face again.

Being the only boy in the family, I did a lot for my mother growing up. Even through all of the physical and verbal abuse, I still loved and cared for my mother. Finding out how she really felt about me and my other two sisters wiped out any small amount of love I had left.



posted on Jun, 28 2017 @ 08:06 AM
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Scientifically speaking, some people don't recover. Neurologists have found that in some severe cases of child abuse, the brain is actually physically altered during development, sometimes permanently.

PET scans of a healthy brain and an abused brain

Makes me wonder if bullying could also have the same effect on a smaller scale; a lot of adults who suffered childhood bullying at school report having panic disorders later in life, among other cognitive disorders.
edit on 28-6-2017 by Xaphan because: (no reason given)




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