posted on Jul, 1 2017 @ 02:55 PM
Coping with loss
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one, the following tips may help you cope with the loss:
Please note that my replies are my thoughts on coping not necessarily proper ways of dealing with anything.
Let yourself feel the pain and all the other emotions, too. Don’t tell yourself how to feel or let others tell you how you should feel.
That is what ticks me off about family and others that THINK they can tell me to just get over it and such.
Until they have experienced loss of a spouse they have no right to tell me what to do.
Be patient with the process. Don’t pressure yourself with expectations. Accept that you need to experience your pain, your emotions, and your own
way of healing − all in your own time. Don’t judge your emotions or compare yourself to others.
I wish others in my life would understand this and let me heal MY WAY, not their stupid way.
Remember that no one else can tell you how you should mourn or when to stop.
So true. The conflict that I am having is that having a life and mourning do not go together. I long for a life outside of this stupid
house but I can't get that while I mourn. It's like waiting for your cancer to get better so that you can get back to living
Acknowledge your feelings, even the ones you don’t like. Let yourself cry. You need to do both for healing.
I do all of the above. I wish others in my life could understand this.
Get support. Talk about your loss, your memories, and your experience of the life and death of your loved one. Don’t think you are protecting your
family and friends by not expressing your sadness. Ask others for what you need. Find and talk to others who have lost a loved one.
My friends here at the Shed are just about all the support that I have. I'll explain more further down this page.
Try to maintain your normal lifestyle. Don’t make any major life changes (for example, moving, changing jobs, changing important relationships)
during the first year of bereavement. This will let you keep your roots and some sense of security.
I was forced to move away from my town and the state that I had lived in for about 16 years because of her death. This just added to
the confusion. I lost most of my belongings, the best therapist that I've ever had, and life in a small city where I had some friends and some
family. There is no normal in my lifestyle.
Take care of yourself. Eat well and exercise. Physical activity is a good way to release tension. Allow yourself physical pleasures that help you
renew yourself, like hot baths, naps, and favorite foods.
I avoid exercise as this is something my dad wants me to do in front of him. I try to eat well most of the time. I don't take naps as
I should. I don't think that I have taken a shower in three weeks either.
Avoid drinking too much alcohol or using other drugs. This can harm your body as well as dull your emotions. It’s also likely to slow your recovery
and may cause new problems.
I can't drink or smoke around my parents anyway. I'll go to Hell if I do. I do wish there was a drug that could clear my mind of what
thoughts are blocking my thinking.
Forgive yourself for all the things you did or didn’t say or do. Compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others is important in healing.
I don't know what to say here. Any answer here would take up too many pages.
Give yourself a break from grief. You must work through it, but you don’t need to focus on grief all the time. Find distractions like going to a
movie, dinner, or a ball game; reading a good book; listening to music; or getting a massage or manicure.
Most of what I do is sit in front of this laptop. I'd like to go out into the real world but that for the most part requires money and
permission from my dad to use one of his three cars.
Prepare for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries knowing that strong feelings may come back. Decide if you want to keep certain traditions or create
new ones. Plan in advance how you want to spend your time and with whom. Do something to honor the memory of your loved one.
Holidays are hell for me. Mother's day is the worse day as that is when my wife's headstone was placed on her grave. Further
discussion, for the most part, would require its own thread.
Join a bereavement support group. Other people can encourage, guide, and comfort you. They can also offer practical advice and information, and help
you feel less alone. If you can’t find a group near you, online groups may be helpful.
The only group close to me is one that I'm not interested in joining as what they discuss is something I don't care for. The only other
group meets too far away.
When you feel ready, do something creative. Some options include:
Write a letter to the person who died to say everything you wish you could say to them.
Start keeping a journal.
Make a scrapbook.
Plant flowers or trees.
Involve yourself in a cause or activity that the deceased loved.
It takes a lot of motivation for me to want to do anything like this.
I need more help than I am getting to deal with wife's death but I don't have many options without a car to count on.