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Why does love for many people disappear after marriage?

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posted on May, 28 2017 @ 07:58 PM
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Many people say that they love, but do they really know what love is? A man can say that he loves, but at the same he goes to work and cheats his wife with the secretary. We can love dogs and cats, people and things. What love is the most strongest? One person can’t live without his second half; somebody can’t live without his friend, a mother understands that she can’t live without her newborn child. We love different people, different people love us. What we know for sure is that we need to love, only then there is a sense to live.
Some famous people made quotations about love.

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." - Sophocles
"Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed." - John Tarrant

What is love for you? What love do you expect from your second half? Why love disappears after some years of marriage? Why love disappears after many years of dating? Can we really love till the end of our lives or is this only romantics? Dear Ops, what do you think about it?
Why people get married and are sure that they love this person and then in 1, 2, 5 years the love disappears? Does this happen with everybody? Who should be the most important person in our life: second half, children, parents?
I will be very glad to hear all the thoughts.

The main question of this thread: Why does love for many people disappear after marriage?
I've recently watched a very good video that deals with this topic:
(for those who get an allergic reaction from anything that has to do with islam, this video is probably not for you lol)





posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:02 PM
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I think people become to used to normality and eventually that loses it appeal.
Call me stupid, but I do believe in a soul mate. Or the idea that thir could be someone who over time, becomes the counter to you.

Sadly most lose interest or become bored, complacent, and don't realise what they have until a tragedy or something.

But some are lucky enough to notice the love and continue to embrace it.
I didn't watch the video, because religion should never matter when it comes to relationships, be it intimate or just a friend.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:04 PM
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Over-stimulation has numbed you.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:05 PM
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Commerce, greed, conceptualization, Finances, lies and deception. And the big one "Media".
edit on 28-5-2017 by HappyFisherman because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:12 PM
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I THINK you have to be with someone and BE someone who realizes a marriage needs maintenance. You MUST make efforts.. you must care enough for your team mate to always do whats in their best interests and make sure their emotional health is a priority.

I have a very long term relationship.. together a LONG time before marriage and been through a lot of hell. Mainly related to his combat experiences and things like that. Id truthfully kill for him. I ALWAYS put his heart and what he needs first. I have his back.. always. The thing is that he is the same with me. I THINK that marriages lose it because no one is doing maintenance and people are too selfish in a partnership to put the other first. BOTH have toi do it though. I will tell you, sometimes I have to be reminded as does he. LOL!

I hear all the time women boasting that her kids are first.. blah blah. The relationship between your partner and the one between you and your kids are by far different. Neither comes first.. they are both maintained. Maybe thats where women start off right away sabotaging their relationships.. Making their man second. I dont know.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:13 PM
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((Slowly backs away from keyboard))

Nope, not catching me talking about "love". Trying to get me in trouble?



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:15 PM
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a reply to: ChemicalAli

My theory is the human body is built to deal and adapt to change. Could also be many other factors but chemical levels could play a part. As when you first meet someone those unseen or smelt chemicals and hormones are probably more active. Also if eye contact is lessened so will oxytocin levels. I think Oxytocin levels play a big part. Who really knows good luck.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:31 PM
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a reply to: ChemicalAli

People stop dating after they get married.

I have been with my bride nearly 30 years and we still date.




posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:37 PM
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*Love* is like a beautiful garden .....

And like any beautiful garden without loving care and attention it becomes ....

a wilderness.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 08:39 PM
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a reply to: ChemicalAli

Because we did not evolve to be monogamous.

We evolved to hook up for the 3 to 5 years while the kids were weaned then rejoin the tribe as one of its random members..

That doesn't mean that monogamy is wrong or anything, but it is the exception not the rule.

We shouldn't be looking down on those who don't work out, but instead look up to all those truely able to make it work long term.

Also if your expecting a long passion filled relationship your likely fooling yourselves..
Passion comes and goes... your relationship has to be based on more than that.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 09:16 PM
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a reply to: ChemicalAli

I think it's has a lot to do with some people wanting the world to be like a rom com movie where they portray romantic relationships as easy to maintain. Well newsflash people, rom coms are only a Hollywood fantasy. As others say, relationships requires hard work and dedication.
edit on 5/28/2017 by starwarsisreal because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 09:37 PM
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Because people expect changes that never come from the simple act of signing a contract. So then changes are forced on each other which tends to build resentments.

Generally that's been the pattern I've noticed if you're talking about General relationship degradation. It's usually always based on the illusions of oneself that you present as reality to the other person.

Basically everyone is bull#ting each other.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 09:37 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: ChemicalAli

People stop dating after they get married.

I have been with my bride nearly 30 years and we still date.



Married nearly 23 years here, and you are exactly right.
People need to make time for each other.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 09:56 PM
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originally posted by: Advantage


I hear all the time women boasting that her kids are first.. blah blah. The relationship between your partner and the one between you and your kids are by far different. Neither comes first.. they are both maintained. Maybe thats where women start off right away sabotaging their relationships.. Making their man second. I dont know.


Exactly what happened to me as a husband. I've been divorced for years now. During the marriage, I was second fiddle to everything. Got so bad I literally felt like a roommate. I wasn't going to be miserable for the rest of my life and she wasn't willing to change or try to balance our relationship so I divorced her. Sad really.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 10:41 PM
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People mistake lust for love. They are two different things. If you cannot truly love the person you are in lust with, no matter how passionate that lust, you will not stay together because lust always fades. Love won't.
edit on 28-5-2017 by ketsuko because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 10:51 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: ChemicalAli

People stop dating after they get married.

I have been with my bride nearly 30 years and we still date.



Bride.

Interesting. I took sailing lessons from a guy in NC. He was about 20 years older than I am. And he refers to his wife as his bride. I think it's a way of seeing the relationship despite advancing age. Always looking at your current wife through the lens of your wedding day.



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 11:07 PM
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a reply to: ChemicalAli

The chemistry of love can be linked to dopamine in the brain. Studies have shown that increased dopamine causes obsessive behavior, racing thoughts, addictive behaviors, etc. Love and addiction look almost the same in the brain actually. Often people are in "love" but really they are addicted to the increased dopamine levels in their brain. These people often go from relationship to relationship, chasing that dopamine high.
What happens in long term couples then? Eventually we build up a dopamine tolerance, but another chemical in the brain, vasopressin and endorphins take over. Vassopressin is actually the chemical in the brain that cause one to want to stay, it helps build a nurturing and protective bond with ones partner.
Scientists did a study on voles (little rodent things) that mate for life. When they took young virgin voles and injected them with dopamine they built a nest and found a mate and started a little rodent family. When scientists injected voles who had a mate with a vasopressin inhibitor, the voles left their mate and began sleeping around.

So it could be said that couples in marriage leave because of decreased dopamine levels, and low vassopressin levels in their brains



posted on May, 28 2017 @ 11:49 PM
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After enough time passes, you have to compromise all the little things depending on how much time you spend with them. If you both don't have the exact same interests and hobbies, it gets old really fast.



posted on May, 29 2017 @ 01:04 AM
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I have two exwives and a GF. I love my 2 ex's more now than when we were married, still friends and lovers. It's complicated.



posted on May, 29 2017 @ 01:26 AM
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It's because you self important men forget how to f# your woman. So she gets bord and moves on.

Men we can only go once.

Woman can have an unlimited number.

Give them that. Sex is for women, not men.



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