posted on May, 26 2017 @ 10:56 AM
Dear ATS. It's with shock and sorrow that I'm saying goodbye to this insane and beloved community in which I've mingled daily for almost 7 years. I
recently learned that I have numerous inoperable brain tumors, and somewhere around 3-12 months to live. I wanted to write while I still have all my
faculties, before the drugs and the treatments and the disease fully kick in. Thanks so, so much for being a part of my daily read all this time.
It started with breast cancer two years ago. I did copious research and settled on a mix of conventional and alternative therapies including surgery,
curcumin/other supplements, diet & lifestyle change, and radiation. 'Had a great run of extreme good health until vertigo hit me like a brick wall a
few weeks ago. By the time we did all the dr. appointments, eliminating inner ear problems, allergies, meningitis, BPPV, etc. it was really too late.
My brain is like a whack-a-mole with tumors that pop up as soon as we can eradicate them. So, that's that. We're not ruling out miracles or the
healing properties of certain miracle weeds but it's "hope for the best, plan for the worst," now.
For a moment, I ask you to set aside all the "Gosh, that's awful" and other sentiments or offers of cures like Uncle Fester's toe-taping ritual
that will miraculously turn my situation around. I thank you for those. I really do. But just for now, please accept this gift from me to you: I offer
you insight into a state that you may -- and no doubt will -- someday face. That is, you can see through my eyes looking at a life that is very nearly
And it looks like this: Suddenly, all thoughts of politics, arguments, daily concerns and such are snuffed out like a candle. All I can think of is
how beautiful life is, even with all its horror and pettiness. It's strange that every moment is oh-so important, yet I get the sense in the turning
earth and the changing tides that this big round ball goes on and on spinning, and we get to be a minuscule part of its unraveling story. What a
miracle that we get to exist at all! If you want any more insight into the view, feel free to pose your Q's in this forum or through pm.
I'm casting aside regrets, guilt, anxiety and ill will, which are all a colossal waste of time. I ask you -- in my stead -- to please do the same
whenever you can. 'Just in some little way. You don't have to change your personality or go on some big "pay-it-forward" campaign. Just today,
just when you think about it, be a little kinder to the human standing next to you, be a little slower to assume the worst, a little quicker to give
people a break, a little more open to the notion that they may be going through a really rotten day or year. Make someone smile. Better: make them
laugh. Give yourself a break, too. Care less (yes, it's a choice) about how you appear to others and more about how you connect with them. Be open to
the idea that there's a lot more going on in this Universe than you can understand in this lifetime and you may just have it wrong in one way or
another: even the "God question." This is a lot to ask, but if you can do even one small part of it, I'll know that I lived on in some positive
So, let's quit being all doom-n-gloom for the moment, shall we? With brain tumors -- at least in my case -- I'll slip away relatively quickly on a
sea of pain meds, hopefully surrounded by loved ones. 'Not the worst way to go out. I can think of at least a few more awful ways to shuffle off this
mortal coil and begin the task of pushing up daisies and I am counting on the rich creativity of collective ATS minds to help me round out my list.
What about being eaten by a shark or drowning in a big cesspool? What say you, ATS? Worst way to go?
Love & light to all.