Dealing with a bad situation from 6 thousand miles away...

I had a different thread here a few months back after finding out my sisters youngest had been abused... just basically venting my complete and total frustration and anger.

Well I am back.. things were looking up for a while but the relationship between the daughter and mother has deteriorated to the point my sister is going to Baker Act her kid...

The Florida Mental Health Act of 1971 (Florida Statute 394.451-394.47891 (2009 rev.)), commonly known as the "Baker Act," allows the involuntary institutionalization and examination of an individual. The Baker Act allows for involuntary examination (what some call emergency or involuntary commitment).

(its a wiki definition hence no link)
en.wikipedia.org...

I am not fully up to speed on what is happening, and not having to deal with everything every day as she struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, and even took to cutting herself for a while.. so I know enough to know I have no idea what stress my sister has been under.

But there is a part of me that cannot help but think this is the wrong move.. I have a couple reasons I will list and feel free to tear those reasons apart.

1: I think instead of a doctor she needs to talk to some people more aware of similar situations out of that sterile intimidating doctors office, my suggestions way take her to visit the monks a little ways down the road... or even look around for a help group for people that have been abused knowing she is not a freak and alone I think would help ALOT.

2: She is struggling with feeling ostracized from her friends... forcing her into a mental hospital could very well cause more damage and make her even less likely to open up about what is tearing her up inside.

these two listed above are my big ones... I had some more but my mind is racing so much right now I am having trouble typing fast enough to keep up with my thoughts.

She is having severe gastro intestinal problems, yet the doctors keep going I dont know lets do some more invasive tests that have already been done multiple times with the same result each time,Which seems to be compounding her anxiety and feeling that she is a freak.

How in the heck do I try to talk to my sister (who desperately needs therapy but has pretty much stopped talking to me since I mentioned that) about trying a different approach that is not so sterile and clinical and treats her as well as her body.

I dont know...every fiber of my says catch the next plane out and get to her to hug her and protect her... even though I know that will not accomplish much.

*frustrated and angry in germany*

OK, it's a rant. You can rant about what you want. No problem; I get that part. FROM WHAT YOU SAID (so no fair coming back and conveniently adding additional "facts") You are describing situation in which you have no legal authority at all, right? You disagree with your sister, but that doesn't give you the right to intrude on her life or intercede on your niece's(?) behalf. Legally speaking, this is none of your business. From your sister's perspective, she has every right to not listen to you, to refuse your phone calls, and to resist your intrusion. And you are working with limited information. You only know what your sister has told you. And from half a world away you're trying to tell her what to do. If you can't be supportive OF YOUR SISTER and HER decisions, you need to butt out.

a reply to: Irishhaf

someone experiencing trauma from a horrific act
does not need the men in white coats to cart them off

they need love
and a whole lot of it

your right she needs to talk to other abuse victims
to see that its possible to move on with her life

she needs hope

they are helplines
they are places to go to

if she is involuntary institutionalized
it will only reinforce the message she is unloved
only in extreme cases is it recommended. (real suicide attempt)

I dont know...every fiber of my says catch the next plane out and get to her to hug her and protect her... even though I know that will not accomplish much.

she needs to know there is a life after abuse
help her meet others
help her see that

abuse victims need self worth
she needs love from her mum


wishing you the best

a reply to: schuyler

No worries mate, I understand that... hardest part is the daughters are talking to me.. in part because I am not in the house so will not come unglued on them.

Which just compounds the frustration factor for me..

a reply to: Irishhaf

I agree with the member above that theres a difference between what you can do, have a legal right to be able or not TO do, should do, and shouldn't do.

Be available for support... but your distance and legal avenues are limited. You're a good one though... and that's something.

Good luck and God Bless..... MS

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Thanks... I think I know what has brought on the latest round of troubles... but I know enough to know I may be close but could also be way off.

Either way I have let her know repeatedly she can talk to me anytime day or night and i will listen with out judging and bottom line I love her no matter what.

Please know that any involuntary hospitalization of a child is as brief as possible and often these places are friendly, have games and toys and art projects, and it's not as awful as you may imagine. Depending on the hospital, some kids really like it, because they can say how they really feel and not upset somebody.

The Baker Act is only done after an assessment shows it to be necessary. In adults, it is a 72 hour maximum hold. In Florida, it's the Baker Act. In California, it's called a '5150'. In Texas, it's called a 4810 Emergency hold. Different names, same idea. You can't just dump your kid off and say, "they're crazy, you have to keep them". It doesn't work like that.

So many children commit suicide these days......it may not be as bad an idea as you imagine. I have institutionalized both children and adults, only after a judge has signed the order, though.....and typically, it is the LAST resort. Not the first. There has to be an established threat to themselves or others.

I don't know the full story, just hoping that you understand that it's not as awful for children as you might have imagined it to be. Perhaps a more thorough explanation of this situation is in order...

a reply to: Irishhaf

Bless your heart for caring OP.. and I have to agree that too much of a clinical approach can be detrimental to a young person who's been abused and is highly sensitive about it. It's not easy growing up and young adults or teenagers often feel self conscious about their problems and resort to self harm to deal with that inner frustration.

Unfortunately you are just the uncle and brother.. but trying to be supportive to both while they work things out is a good thing to do. Instead of telling them how to help themselves try letting them know you love them both unconditionally and that will never change.. which I'm sure you have already.

Your family is in my prayers as all the families who go through these sorts of pain and confusion.
I believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel.🙂

Best wishes to you and yours OP

a reply to: kibric

Excellent advice !!

a reply to: kibric

I appreciate the post, I have let her know and will continue to let her know that I care and I will help whenever I can.

a reply to: Irishhaf

As I said... You're one of the good ones.
MS

a reply to: Irishhaf

I have to agree with Fission. This may be the only safe answer at this time. From your description, I would guess that your sister is in need of some help as well and this may bring that help. Otherwise it's kinda the blind leading the blind---one person that needs counseling badly really can't offer much help to another troubled person. The people at the hospital have dealt with this before. They're trained to handle such situations.

I have a dear friend who threatened her brother with commitment several times but could never bring herself to take legal actions against him. He ended up as a suicide and now she has terrible regrets about "letting that happen."

You and yours are in my prayers. Keep the channels of communication open. Offer lots of love.

Keep an open mind in trying times. Sometimes listening is the easiest form of communication.

She called me that night (the niece not my sister) and we started talking, I asked a couple simple questions to get an idea of the current crisis... she gave me some answers and I then shifted the conversation to inconsequential things... movies she is looking forward to, books, what is she going to do when she is done with high school, that sort of thing.

The problem had been she was vomiting on a regular basis, which was preventing her from taking her medicine... my sister later contacted me and told me that the more me and her talked the calmer she got, until she took her medicine. Which was apparently the sticking point that was making my sister lean towards trying to baker act.

I am kind of leaning towards she needs someone to just talk to about normal stuff... not everyone walking on egg shells around her or only bringing up (insert medical/psychological problem here) when she is just trying to be a 17 year old girl again after being traumatized.

I hope she keeps reaching out to me, I told her anytime day or night and I will talk with her be it phone or text, instant message whatever.

here is to hoping...