a reply to: IAMTAT
There has been a lot of good advice/information in this thread and I sincerely hope your daughter can glean some things useful or at least reflect and
try to consider the enormity of the situation. Just some thoughts.
Has she considered that he has become manic/frenzied because
of the upcoming wedding? Perhaps he's
having second thoughts.
I understand that they are 'in love' but, has she considered that she may have some sort of martyr complex that doesn't allow her to rationally view
the situation seeking the best outcome for both of them?
I say this because of her wanting to 'fix' him. I don't think mental illness can be 'fixed' necessarily but, to manage it properly will take years of
study and medication trial/error along with years of experience in the field. He's uncooperative in his own treatment (not taking his meds etc).
My oldest daughter is still not diagnosed properly (this can take years and it's my opinion). She's began a downward cycle about a month ago. She
won't take her meds, won't see a counselor (and someone here connected me to a professional who will skype for sessions!) and basically cycles between
deep depression/isolation to mania/hallucination (both audio/visual) and thoughts of self harm. I've resigned myself to the realization that taking
care of her and keeping her safe may very well be my life. Absolutely worth it, don't get me wrong but, this is a human that I helped create. This is
someone that I love with every ounce of my being. From the moment she was known to me, I was 100% committed to her for life (parents understand this)
and it's more than biological...it's complete and total devotion 24/7.
Is your daughter realizing that (especially with no help from him) that this will be her life for what could be many years. The cycles, the sleepless
nights, the irrational behavior, never knowing what the other person is doing to themselves when you're not around? He needs major help to get
straightened out, IMO, and even with that...he has to be willing to cooperate and participate in his treatment.
I'm not saying that they should never get married but, at this point in time IMO it's foolish. Marriage will not fix anything, it won't save you, it
won't save the other person, it won't relieve jealousy if it already exists. It's rarely an answer for anything.
This may sound crappy but, it sounds as if there is no financial stress in his life so imagine if that suddenly becomes an issue...or the stress of an
unprepared for pregnancy or if your daughter suddenly became ill or injured? What would happen then?
I hope for the best outcome for all involved. Perhaps when he comes (I know not an ideal time) you could take him off and talk to him of your concerns
for your daughter and insist that he seek regular treatment and I mean really your daughter's health and safety are your primary concern. Up here on
the mountain...father's would just meet with him on the porch while cleaning their gun. I kid, really.
He's really just got to get a handle on things. He's got to stop being uncooperative. Isn't marriage about loving someone else so much that you would
do anything for them? Absolutely committed to their happiness? If so, then he's got to get it together if not for himself then for her sake. If he
truly loves her then when he's rational, he should be able to see this. Yes, that goes both ways. She is willing to do anything for him and committed
to his happiness but, regular treatment from professionals with experience in the field should be within that somewhere.
Sorry for the novella.