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Bi-Polar Wedding

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posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:10 PM
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a reply to: schuyler




Hate to tell ya, but this is going to be lifetime project. The daily drama will literally never end and will get worse over time.


I know.
It's still not too late to technically stop the wedding...but it really is.
She thinks she has it all figured out.

She doesn't.




posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:11 PM
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a reply to: ZIPMATT

Thank you.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:12 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT


Again...this episode is happening 10 days before the wedding...and we had no idea things were like this with him...and that he could be set off on a frenzy to this magnitude...at any time...for no apparent reason.


Is he a water sign?
Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces.
edit on 03 23 2017 by blueyedevilwoman because: quotes



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:13 PM
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I'm going to ask my step daughter about his pot use.



Solid idea, tat.

If it turns out he smokes a lot, especially concentrates, quitting could turn his life around.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:13 PM
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originally posted by: Bone75
a reply to: IAMTAT

Just make it clear to your stepdaughter that you're only paying for one wedding.



LOL...Absolutely.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:15 PM
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originally posted by: blueyedevilwoman
a reply to: IAMTAT


Again...this episode is happening 10 days before the wedding...and we had no idea things were like this with him...and that he could be set off on a frenzy to this magnitude...at any time...for no apparent reason.


Is he a water sign?
Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces.


Not sure when his bday is.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:16 PM
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I have some experience with bi-polarism as my best friend is bi-polar. He is also engaged to me married (I had to make sure you weren't talking about him!), but he is 38 years old and his fiance is 28. He definitely had episodes very similar to what you're describing. I remember having to come "rescue" him from strange places at 3am or so on several occasions. This was almost always because he refused to take his medication and because he swore that marijuana was all he needed to stay straight.

Anyways, it has been at least 10 years since he has had an episode that I'm aware of and he and his fiance seem very happy together. In fact we are going on a double date this weekend. He is also extremely anti-Trump, but I try to avoid talking politics to him. One thing that is great about him is he can take a joke. So we like to give each other a hard time.

He's a really good guy actually and loyal as they come. I advise you to stand by your daughters side, but advise her she must convince her fiance to take his meds regularly. In time he will likely mellow out and may be able to wean himself from the meds, but at this young age he is too chemically imbalanced.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:21 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: blueyedevilwoman
a reply to: IAMTAT


Again...this episode is happening 10 days before the wedding...and we had no idea things were like this with him...and that he could be set off on a frenzy to this magnitude...at any time...for no apparent reason.


Is he a water sign?
Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces.


Not sure when his bday is.


Water signs, especially young ones, dont do well without their partner. Deep bonds are formed.

Add the stress of a marriage ritual, and all that comes with that.

Plus, its a full moon phase.

He just wants mommy.
And he be trippin.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:25 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: TobyFlenderson

Yes, he could be schizophrenic.
He also apparently, is extremely jealous and often paranoid. He hears voices.
Our step daughter said, last night, he has followed random people to try to save their souls because God or angels told him to.


That definitely sounds like schizophrenia more so than bi-polar disorder. If your stepdaughter goes through with the marriage (if her fiance even shows up for it) I hope she realizes that she will be battling his illnesses for the rest of her life. Long term the battle WILL wear her down, and depression and anxiety will become her own personal battles. I wish much love and a lot of luck to your family- you will definitely need it!



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:25 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

Sorry to hear of this, my sister is bipolar. She is literally a ticking time bomb..me or my parents have not spoke to her or her husband or my three nephews ,my parents grandchildren in over two years.

No more little league games where uncle Joe always brought the roasted peanuts..no more hide in seek no more Christmas or graduations..it hurts and it sucks..

I say this because I feel as though your stepdaughter is going to end up like my brother in law and his parents.. who I feel awful for..he is a stand up family man and a good provider as well as a great father. And he has flat out told me if he didn't have kids and he hadn't made a vow before
god he would have left her 20 years ago.

It is a terrible illness. I hope your daughter really understands all the ramifications of this decision .

It is hard to sway the heart though.

If anything a condition must be set going forward.. "hun I love you,I take you whole,I cherish your blessings as well as accept your faults. But you need to stay on your meds. If you go off your meds you are rejecting me and I will leave." Or something like that..

Also..please if anything get her to realize having children can wait a few years. If I feel bad for my brother in law I must tell you I feel worse for my nephews.

You say she's in her mid twenties.. she can wait till after she finishes school and sees how obligated he is to taking his meds before she brings children in to this already unstable situation.

I respect you Tat, I wish you and your wife and your stepdaughter the best in this,
I really do.

At the end of the day after all the warnings and discussions in the world the only thing left is to make sure she knows you love her and will always be there for her.


/Cyberhugs

Sincerely,
~joe



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:26 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

Sad but true that sometimes people have to learn the hard way through direct experience, and all you can do is hope they don't get burned too badly.

Btw, she doesn't think that she can become a therapist and be his therapist does she? Pretty sure that will break all the ethics rules.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:41 PM
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Oh jeesh. Not only do I have personal experience with this on several levels, but having worked in mental health, I can also offer that side.

There is no other way to put this: She must NOT marry this guy. I'm going to be as blunt and as realistic as I can be. He appears to have bipolar I, which can go from super bad lows to psychotic highs, which at first are fun, and then after he goes on for a while with no sleep, he starts to hallucinate, crash, and everything becomes one gigantic crap storm. There is NO cure, and bipolars are the worst when it comes to taking their meds on a regular basis. The reason is, they go for help when they are either forced to once in psychosis, or when they crash hard and feel like killing themselves. They love the mania, though, although everybody around them is being driven slowly crazy. They don't sleep half the time and run their mouths about stuff that makes no sense. I realize it is a brain disorder, and I do pity them, but you cannot fix them. Nobody can. We're just not that far ahead medically.

My nephew married a bipolar one about 6 months ago. She was either crashing hard and wanting to die, or freaking out, seeing things and getting violent. My nephew thought he could deal with it, even though she said she was never taking medication, EVER. Three months into it, after ugly fights and him being viciously attacked out of the blue, he had to leave for his own sanity. All that money, effort and time, down the tubes.

I was married to a bipolar two (submania and less of the lows, but still....drove me BATS). Never again. He refused to take his meds, although when we married, he promised he would stay on them always. That was an empty promise, as I found literally hundreds of hidden Depakotes all over the house.....ones he should have taken, but ditched because they gave him ED. Alrighty then. Most men will NOT take the meds because they feel their ability to, um...be manly, is more important than them being sane. I disagree. I finally left to keep my self sane. Ten years of craziness and me trying to be the counselor and the babysitter. Ten years of embarrassing behavior in public and ten years wasted. I have no good memories, except when I went somewhere without him.

To put it bluntly: Your step-daughter will be miserable. He will not take the meds and he will get into mania, paranoia, and psychosis on a regular basis (depending on how often he cycles up and down), and she has to put up with it. She will be the breadwinner because these people cannot hold a job, nobody can stand it. Worse yet, if they have children, the children will have to see things no child should see....and it is HEREDITARY.

The bipolars were the worst of my caseload, because they just don't like to take their meds, and are all over the place emotionally. Most days are a trainwreck.....either one about to happen, one happening, or one that just occurred. She will grow to hate him, because her life will be a roller coaster. Tell her not to buy the ticket, and for God's sake, don't take the ride!!!

You can read this to her if you want. This is a guaranteed ride straight to hell. Unless she enjoys seeing the police, sitting in emergency rooms while he's being evaluated and set up to be hospitalized, or even worse, him attempting suicide (the percentage of bipolars who do so is exceptionally high) and her having to deal with that, I beg of her, BACK OUT OF IT....and for God's sake, use birth control.

I have been as blunt as I know how to be. I was an on-call crisis worker, I have seen things I could not imagine were possible. Depression is one thing, bipolar at the level this kid is at is to be avoided at all costs. Sorry, wish I had good things to say.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:47 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: Bone75
a reply to: IAMTAT

Just make it clear to your stepdaughter that you're only paying for one wedding.



LOL...Absolutely.


In all seriousness though, you really should take her out to dinner and try to talk her out of it.

Living with a bipolar spouse is hard enough, raising bipolar kids as a result is even harder, co-parenting bipolar kids with a bipolar spouse...



These days I spend most of my time wondering WTF I was thinking.


edit on 10-5-2017 by Bone75 because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:56 PM
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This is a ticking time bomb. Please find a close trusted friend, minister, therapist to talk to your stepdaughter. She is setting herself up for major disaster. Just imagine him at the wedding.

She needs to know that you don't have to marry someone just because you love them. They've only dated just over a year; she needs to give herself time-he doesn't even have a job-she's a waitress-not much there to build on.

I hate to say this but pity the poor offspring they will probably produce-with the possibility of inheriting his illnesses-that will have to be raised by other family members-and the cycle continues.

Why the rush of marriage? Sanity somewhere must prevail. I certainly would not pay for a big wedding-maybe that would make her rethink this mess if she realizes if she steps into this mess she'll have to clean it up-without your financial help. If she won't listen you don't have to pay to hear it from her. Sorry, really.
edit on 10-5-2017 by Justso because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:07 PM
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a reply to: FissionSurplus

I appreciate all of your insight.
I truly don't want this wedding to go through...but, today she's acting like everything is just fine.
I need to show her what you and others here have written from experience.

I am very grateful.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:09 PM
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originally posted by: Bone75

originally posted by: IAMTAT

originally posted by: Bone75
a reply to: IAMTAT

Just make it clear to your stepdaughter that you're only paying for one wedding.



LOL...Absolutely.


In all seriousness though, you really should take her out to dinner and try to talk her out of it.

Living with a bipolar spouse is hard enough, raising bipolar kids as a result is even harder, co-parenting bipolar kids with a bipolar spouse...



I know.
She says they don't plan on having children...but we all know how that often ends.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:16 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

Another, even worse thought has occurred to me.....does he has schizoaffective disorder? This is absolutely the worst in terms of diagnoses. It is the trifecta of incurable, terrible mental illness and the meds required to get them stable (such as Invega) are incredibly expensive and are only available as injections, requiring visits and cooperation with the medical facility.


Schizoaffective disorder is a mental disorder in which a person experiences a combination of schizophrenia symptoms, such as hallucinations or delusions, and mood disorder symptoms, such as depression or mania. The two types of schizoaffective disorder — both of which include some symptoms of schizophrenia — are: Bipolar type, which includes episodes of mania and sometimes major depression Depressive type, which includes only major depressive episodes Schizoaffective disorder may run a unique course in each affected person, so it's not as well-understood or well-defined as other mental health conditions. Untreated schizoaffective disorder may lead to problems functioning at work, at school and in social situations, causing loneliness and trouble holding down a job or attending school. People with schizoaffective disorder may need assistance and support with daily functioning. Treatment can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life.


www.mayoclinic.org...

These people are hospitalized more than they are out. They are so far out of reality.........the more I read, the more I suspect this is the real diagnosis and the parents were hoping to pawn their son off on somebody who cares and can take over their burden.





posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:25 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

I'm going to tell you a short story about a close family member. I have a brother that was a very stable person, highly driven, extremely successful, and a person everyone would go to for advice. One day it seemed that the stresses of life over came him and had a complete bi-polar meltdown, at the time we thought out of nowhere. His wife had no idea and was in complete hysterical about what to do, because he wasn't listening to her at all.

The situation took 6 of our family members to monitor for 30 straight days 24/7, until he was forced to treatment because it got so bad ( Not even going into the bad stuff ). 3 years later and lithium carbonate daily he's fine, and back to his regular self.

What they found triggered it. Alcohol and not what most people think either, it took only one drink to trigger his bi-polar episodes.

It appears the brain can and will rewire/heal itself with these types of disorders, however he can never drink anything again.

Bipolar people can take every ounce of energy you have, and sanity when they have their episodes because you'll have to drop everything to care for them until they are back on track. With many family members and a really good doctor we did it in about a 2 month period, with close monitoring, until he was able to fully reason things out for himself.

It will be a major commitment, one that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and I would suggest living with the person for at least 2 years before making a marriage commitment.

I'll leave you with these books that I highly recommend for understanding and dealing with people with Bi-polar issues.


www.amazon.com...=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

www.amazon.com...=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Good-luck to you all.


edit on 10-5-2017 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:32 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

How is he going to support your daughter?



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 06:46 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: IAMTAT

How is he going to support your daughter?


Just because someone has Bi-polar issues doesn't necessarily mean they can't produce financially. My brother has the dis-order and is a self made multi-millionaire.

Many people in this category are highly driven individuals that put lots of pressure on themselves.



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