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Bi-Polar Wedding

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posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:33 PM
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I'm reaching out...for information and advice.

So we're throwing a huge wedding at our home for my beautiful and sweet step-daughter.
The wedding will be in 10 days...and planning and hiring for it has been going on for months.
Guests will be flying in from as far as Brazil.

She is marrying a really nice guy...and they seem very much in love.
They are both in their mid 20's, currently live in California in his parent's guest house and have been dating for over a year.
My step-daughter brought him to meet us a couple of times, and he seemed very quiet, polite...a little shy...but overall quite nice.

My step daughter is staying here with her mom and I until the wedding and he will be coming in on Tuesday.
The wedding is next Saturday.
Two nights ago, all hell breaks loose...as she is on the phone non-stop arguing and crying with him. We can't help but overhear and confront her about the chaos.

We learn he is having a bi-polar meltdown and is in a frenzy.
His parents are still with him in California, trying to get him to take medication, calm down...not run away...whatever.
We hear...in real time from our step daughter that he is hallucinating...he is seeing his mother as literally the devil...claims Trump is the anti-Christ and the world is ending and he has to leave to warn all his friends.

He refuses to take his medication...and his father has to guard the door so he won't disappear for days (apparently, it has happened before).

We find out from her that he has episodes, but she says they have died down since they've been living together with his parents.

Again...this episode is happening 10 days before the wedding...and we had no idea things were like this with him...and that he could be set off on a frenzy to this magnitude...at any time...for no apparent reason.

As of hearing this, we are telling her we should cancel the wedding...because she is putting herself in jeopardy, physical danger and setting herself up for a hard struggling life.

Naturally, she says she loves him...he needs her...can handle him...and the wedding will go on as planned.
She no longer wants to discuss cancelling the wedding.

She is also now saying that she thinks she also may be bi-polar...(we don't think she is)...and that taking care of him will help her understand her own illness...and help her to become a therapist...(after going back to school for it).
She is a waitress in CA...He cannot hold a job in construction.
We also just found out he recently had a bi-polar 'freak out' during his last job interview.

Again, he seems like a basically good guy...and they make a beautiful couple...but his illness seems extremely severe...and I am really I fearing for my step-daughter's life and for her future.
If he can suddenly see his mother as the devil...the same could happen to my step daughter.


As of this afternoon, he says he has gone back to his medication and she says he's calmed down over the phone.

I'm still worried.
Does anyone have a similar situation or advice to share?
edit on 10-5-2017 by IAMTAT because: (no reason given)




posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:37 PM
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Woof ...

That's a heavy situation. I don't envy you at all. I wish I had some advice to offer, but I don't. I wish I could make you feel better about all this, but I can't.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers on this one.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:40 PM
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a reply to: ketsuko

Thanks, ketsuko.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:40 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

I would advise to try and find a way to put a temporary hold on the wedding and see if the situation and those involved can stabilise. Then take things from there. The time is not quite right for The wedding to take place, but that does not mean it never should.
edit on 10-5-2017 by CulturalResilience because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:43 PM
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a reply to: ketsuko


Agreed with ketsuko, my best vibes to you and all.

Stress like a wedding can induce episodes, especially if they are off medication. Perhaps a postponement is wise.

If it is true he is back on his meds, that is a good thing and should help quite a bit.

A big help for people dealing with delusions and hallucinations is for them to research their disorder and get to know what they can experience. Over time they can teach themselves to better filter delusions and hallucinations from reality to a significant degree, during the episode where these things occur.

I dont know if this applies, but if he smokes weed (its legal in cali now) id recommend to him to cut back and reasses using it. I did.

I know this as fact and wish the very best for you and yours.


edit on 10-5-2017 by CreationBro because: (no reason given)

edit on 10-5-2017 by CreationBro because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:46 PM
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a reply to: CulturalResilience

Thanks.
She won't hear about cancelling or postponing it.
She's 25...so she knows everything.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:47 PM
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a reply to: CreationBro

good advice.
He does smoke weed. Don't know how much.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:51 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: CreationBro

good advice.
He does smoke weed. Don't know how much.



THC is a hell of a powerful psychoactive. To those with predisposition, and things like bipolar and schizophrenia, it can definitely enhance or induce psychosis.

I am a prime example, my dad too. Which is why i quit! More clear headed than ive been in a decade.

Best wishes mate.

edit on 10-5-2017 by CreationBro because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:54 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

I understand. You and everyone else need to be very calm and very patient and keep the channels open for the both of them. In the end they will decide how to go forward and you will have to let them.

You may end up having to pick up the pieces, but there is an equally good chance that you will not have to do that. Reason and calm are the best tools you have at your disposal, and I advise you to make best use of them.
edit on 10-5-2017 by CulturalResilience because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:56 PM
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originally posted by: CulturalResilience
a reply to: IAMTAT

I understand. You and everyone else need to be very calm and very patient and keep the channels open for the both of them. In the end they will decide how to go forward and you will have to let them.

You may end up having to pick up the pieces, but there is an equally good chance that you will not have to do that. Reason and calm are the best tools you have at your disposal, and I advise you to make best use of them.


My thoughts, at this point, as well.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 04:57 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

First, I wish you and your family the best.

Second, I'd question the diagnosis. I know that bipolar sufferers can hallucinate but I believe that there's a very specific diagnosis for people who see loved ones as demons and it is a type of schizophrenia. I had a client years ago that had this disorder and it ended in tragedy. I don't wish to scare you even more and I'm not a mental health professional, but this seems to be quite serious.

Last, you're daughter is an adult. It would be impossible to make decisions for her. State your opinion of the situation and support whatever decision she makes.

Best of luck.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:01 PM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: CreationBro

good advice.
He does smoke weed. Don't know how much.


They have boutique weed shops in Cali too. I wonder how many boutique blends he's gotten. Some of them are far more powerful than simple weed that you might find growing wild.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:04 PM
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a reply to: TobyFlenderson

Yes, he could be schizophrenic.
He also apparently, is extremely jealous and often paranoid. He hears voices.
Our step daughter said, last night, he has followed random people to try to save their souls because God or angels told him to.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:04 PM
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I feel for you buddy, not many people understand the love a step parent has for a child because it's a hard fought love. As far as advice CR is pretty much spot on, it's probably the hardest part of being parent and that's watching our children make hasty decisions with storm clouds rolling in but as long as she knows you're behind her and will always be there for her things should work out just fine.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:05 PM
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originally posted by: ketsuko

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: CreationBro

good advice.
He does smoke weed. Don't know how much.


They have boutique weed shops in Cali too. I wonder how many boutique blends he's gotten. Some of them are far more powerful than simple weed that you might find growing wild.


I'm going to ask my step daughter about his pot use.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:05 PM
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Hate to tell ya, but this is going to be lifetime project. The daily drama will literally never end and will get worse over time. Been through similar. Keep 'em on the opposite coast just to protect yourself.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:06 PM
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Maybe his mother is the devil?!, joking , not literally . Family often are not good help for mental health . Too willing / familiar so they up the anti , words are said and everyones stress goes up.

If you think about using this very simple model , you can hopefully assume things will work out ok for you all to keep the original plans .

Its basically that , as stress levels rise , so does vulnerability to illness / episodes . Plotted on a graph , where stress is one axis and vulnerability is the other , a diagonal rising line can be drawn . the higher the stress , the higher the vulnerability , and likelihood of illnesses are marked this way by professionals .

Considering the circumstances he's in , pre-wedding , and at home with the family , the stress is going to be high and it sounds like it's taken it's toll .

If he can get past the next few days , and takes the help he needs , then , if stress levels go down , pre or post wedding , which they should, so will the chances of episodes/illness .

The cockney Londoners have rhyming slang for wife , and that 's "the old trouble and strife" ! So beware , you'll have to just keep abreast of the stress levels going on between the pair of them . Constant meds aren't the answer really , but being aware , as in you all being aware , of what high stress situations can do to people , is the answer , and a workable approach .
You yourself are a wise and a measured person , and so probably not prone to being overly defensive and curtailing it all just because a problem is present . Being helpful is what you'll do I expect , but trust yourself to measure it and act accordingly . Hope it works out .



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:07 PM
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a reply to: 5en5ei

She knows I'll always take care of her. Her older brother battles drugs and I've been there for him, as well.



posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:08 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

Just make it clear to your stepdaughter that you're only paying for one wedding.




posted on May, 10 2017 @ 05:09 PM
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a reply to: schuyler

What you say may well be right, but I get the impression that the OP would not view your suggested solution as viable one at this moment.



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