I was officially diagnosed today...

a reply to: TarzanBeta

Thanks buddy, you too.

a reply to: TarzanBeta

Yeah, although the issue suddenly starts, usually in your twenties.
It's like a brick in the face.
You don't know what's happening - you think you're gonna die.
I first thought I can't breathe; I'm having an asthma attack.
Although it was a panic attack, I did go on to develop mild asthma, and interestingly many people with panic attacks do.
It also varies in intensity during different parts of life.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it's very strong again.

I had some cognitive therapy, but never went on to psychiatry or medication.
Still an option, but so expensive (privately R2000 per hour) and the state is inundated with a never-ending waiting list (we're a violent, formally militarized country, with droves of traumatized people).
I also saw very bad things happening to people on medications, especially if they wouldn't adjust their lifestyles regarding alcohol and party drugs - but that's another story.

Especially as a man, I felt very depressed.
Men should do everything.

But now I think, if you don't like the stairs, take the elevator.
If you don't like the elevator, take the stairs.
You don't have to be comfortable with everything at once.
It's fine.

Sure you can get the best therapist to take you up the Eiffel Tower, and stand on the edge.
If you can afford it.
But is it really necessary?

Society wanna reduce cars, so take the bus or Uber (works out cheaper than actually having a car).

Just saying, you can adjust your preferences to the condition.
You don't need to force yourself all the time.
You may have a personal comfort zone, just as with a taste in music or clothes.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Just because you have a snake phobia doesn't mean you have to take twenty cobras to bed just to prove a point, for example.

But it varies.
I once had it so bad, I couldn't leave the house.
That is obviously extreme.
But that lessened on its own.
I had to learn though what a panic attack was.
You won't lose control.
You won't just jump out of a car and lose control.

I'm not cured, but I've made a kind of peace with it.
Maybe one day I go for more therapy and medication - but for now, I've made a kind of peace with it.

originally posted by: TobyFlenderson
a reply to: TarzanBeta

Very happy for your positive experience. I, too, have an inherent distrust for MD's. Rarely is there one to be found that wants to listen.

The joy you are feeling at being treated like an equal is an amazing experience and rare in today's culture of electronic isolation. Martin Buber in his classic book, "I and Thou", posits that we are never so close to our Creator as when we actually see and interact with another human as though they were our equivalent. The large majority of the time we treat others, even loved ones, as if they were a tool to help us to achieve what we want to achieve, or an impediment to us getting what we want, or simply irrelevant to our needs.

In my reading of the OP, I believe you not only had a medical experience, but a spiritual one as well.

All the best my friend.

Right on, Toby! Indeed and thank you!

originally posted by: halfoldman
a reply to: TarzanBeta

Yeah, although the issue suddenly starts, usually in your twenties.
It's like a brick in the face.
You don't know what's happening - you think you're gonna die.
I first thought I can't breathe; I'm having an asthma attack.
Although it was a panic attack, I did go on to develop mild asthma, and interestingly many people with panic attacks do.
It also varies in intensity during different parts of life.
Sometimes it goes away, and sometimes it's very strong again.

I had some cognitive therapy, but never went on to psychiatry or medication.
Still an option, but so expensive (privately R2000 per hour) and the state is inundated with a never-ending waiting list (we're a violent. formally militarized country, with droves of traumatized people).
I also saw very bad things happening to people on medications, especially if they wouldn't adjust their lifestyles regarding alcohol and party drugs - but that's another story.

Especially as a man, I felt very depressed.
Men should do everything.

But now I think, if you don't like the stairs, take the elevator.
If you don't like the elevator, take the stairs.
You don't have to be comfortable with everything at once.
It's fine.

Sure you can get the best therapist to take you up the Eiffel Tower, and stand on the edge.
If you can afford it.
But is it really necessary?

Society wanna reduce cars, so take the bus or Uber (works out cheaper than actually having a car).

Just saying, you can adjust your preferences to the condition.
You don't need to force yourself all the time.
You may have a personal comfort zone, just as with a taste in music or clothes.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Just because you have a snake phobia doesn't mean you have to take twenty cobras to bed just to prove a point, for example.

But it varies.
I once had it so bad, I couldn't leave the house.
That is obviously extreme.
But that lessened on its own.
I had to learn though what a panic attack was.
You won't lose control.
You won't just jump out of a car and lose control.

I'm not cured, but I've made a kind of peace with it.
Maybe one day I go for more therapy and medication - but for now, I've made a kind of peace with it.

Yeah. With a wife and three kids, my options are limited.

Having her constantly be annoyed with me doesn't help... She has had a good life.

But I'm glad for her and she brings some of that goodness into me. It just doesn't seem to catch like a cold does!

My preferences are, however, a huge limitation. She has a boisterous family.... And that's good for them, but it destroys my nervous system.

a reply to: TarzanBeta

Well my advice and sharing experiences are obviously anecdotal.
I'm not a doctor and it's just casual advice.

But trust me brother, you're in good company.
Loads of people have it nowadays, and are undiagnosed.

You have taken a humungous and brave step.
Things will only get better, even if there is no "cure".
To some extent, it will always be part of our personalities.

But hey, I think it beats having a partner who feels he must climb the tallest buildings in the world, or is an adrenaline junkie that jumps off mountains (I saw a documentary on it, most of those people who lack fear impulses don't reach 30).
They don't have a long life-span.
We're blessed dude.
I'm now 42 ... anxious, but alive.

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

He was very observant and he was the dictator of the interaction. I loved him.

I never love doctors. They are usually ignorant and book smart and using Google.

That was not this man.

He read me like a book. I have never met anyone who understood me. Somehow, he did.

He diagnosed me without telling me by spurring random conversation. He's not even a head doctor.

This man... Made me feel like someone actually listened.

I've been to head doctors and they were all idiots.

This guy was brilliant. I didn't expect that. He's a general practitioner, not a head doctor.

Wow. Sugoi! Why does my mind want to be joyful in Japanese? It seems more genuine.

Of course, joy only lasts until the world turns into collapsing walls... Which is immediately.

There is something to be said for someone really hearing you. There really is. It makes you want to stay there forever.

Anyway, he figured it all out without my opinions, but only through my actions.

Sou da ne?

Then he told me at the end, "Now that you know me and I know you: you don't need to thank someone that you know." He said that in response to my constant thank you.

Wild. I may be heard after all.

I will find out next week.

Just out of curiosity but do you get your health care from the ACA?

originally posted by: scraedtosleep

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

He was very observant and he was the dictator of the interaction. I loved him.

I never love doctors. They are usually ignorant and book smart and using Google.

That was not this man.

He read me like a book. I have never met anyone who understood me. Somehow, he did.

He diagnosed me without telling me by spurring random conversation. He's not even a head doctor.

This man... Made me feel like someone actually listened.

I've been to head doctors and they were all idiots.

This guy was brilliant. I didn't expect that. He's a general practitioner, not a head doctor.

Wow. Sugoi! Why does my mind want to be joyful in Japanese? It seems more genuine.

Of course, joy only lasts until the world turns into collapsing walls... Which is immediately.

There is something to be said for someone really hearing you. There really is. It makes you want to stay there forever.

Anyway, he figured it all out without my opinions, but only through my actions.

Sou da ne?

Then he told me at the end, "Now that you know me and I know you: you don't need to thank someone that you know." He said that in response to my constant thank you.

Wild. I may be heard after all.

I will find out next week.

Just out of curiosity but do you get your health care from the ACA?

No. Do you want me to?

It has only been 6 hours since I took my first dose of Paxil.

Everything I read says that the effects shouldn't be noticeable for weeks.

Then what in the world is this feeling? I feel like objects are actually in front of me. I would call it surreal except that things seem more real.

I woke up with this very unnatural feeling for me. I am not sure what to think. It's actually a little scary for me in a way.

Have I been so out of touch that this is already having a visible effect? Ironically, the movement is so pronounced that I feel a little anxious about it.

Interesting.

ETA - I woke my wife up and I think she's right. I'm just having my typical wild imagination. I think "new thing" and then my overactive mind creates some event which can be attributed to the "new thing."

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

All things considered, he'll probably be dead or otherwise gone by next week! Or next month.
There is some Universal Law that good allopathic 'doctors' have the shelf life of butter in Hell before 'turning' or melting down!

Frankly, I'm making a collection of doctors that I outlive.
And I LOVE it!
Great hobby!!
I already have enough to sell extras on eBay!

Oh, for a good shaman!

originally posted by: TarzanBeta

originally posted by: scraedtosleep

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

He was very observant and he was the dictator of the interaction. I loved him.

I never love doctors. They are usually ignorant and book smart and using Google.

That was not this man.

He read me like a book. I have never met anyone who understood me. Somehow, he did.

He diagnosed me without telling me by spurring random conversation. He's not even a head doctor.

This man... Made me feel like someone actually listened.

I've been to head doctors and they were all idiots.

This guy was brilliant. I didn't expect that. He's a general practitioner, not a head doctor.

Wow. Sugoi! Why does my mind want to be joyful in Japanese? It seems more genuine.

Of course, joy only lasts until the world turns into collapsing walls... Which is immediately.

There is something to be said for someone really hearing you. There really is. It makes you want to stay there forever.

Anyway, he figured it all out without my opinions, but only through my actions.

Sou da ne?

Then he told me at the end, "Now that you know me and I know you: you don't need to thank someone that you know." He said that in response to my constant thank you.

Wild. I may be heard after all.

I will find out next week.

Just out of curiosity but do you get your health care from the ACA?

No. Do you want me to?

No no. Nothing like that. My curiosity had nothing to do with your post, sorry.
But if I were to comment I guess I agree with another poster. Don't let doctors tell you your sick if you have a happy life. Although I do believe in mental illness I do not believe as the medical system seems to, that most americans suffer from them. If you do suffer than I wish you well. But before you load yourself up with medications i suggest you find a way to handle your thoughts and feelings on your own.

originally posted by: scraedtosleep

originally posted by: TarzanBeta

originally posted by: scraedtosleep

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

He was very observant and he was the dictator of the interaction. I loved him.

I never love doctors. They are usually ignorant and book smart and using Google.

That was not this man.

He read me like a book. I have never met anyone who understood me. Somehow, he did.

He diagnosed me without telling me by spurring random conversation. He's not even a head doctor.

This man... Made me feel like someone actually listened.

I've been to head doctors and they were all idiots.

This guy was brilliant. I didn't expect that. He's a general practitioner, not a head doctor.

Wow. Sugoi! Why does my mind want to be joyful in Japanese? It seems more genuine.

Of course, joy only lasts until the world turns into collapsing walls... Which is immediately.

There is something to be said for someone really hearing you. There really is. It makes you want to stay there forever.

Anyway, he figured it all out without my opinions, but only through my actions.

Sou da ne?

Then he told me at the end, "Now that you know me and I know you: you don't need to thank someone that you know." He said that in response to my constant thank you.

Wild. I may be heard after all.

I will find out next week.

Just out of curiosity but do you get your health care from the ACA?

No. Do you want me to?

No no. Nothing like that. My curiosity had nothing to do with your post, sorry.
But if I were to comment I guess I agree with another poster. Don't let doctors tell you your sick if you have a happy life. Although I do believe in mental illness I do not believe as the medical system seems to, that most americans suffer from them. If you do suffer than I wish you well. But before you load yourself up with medications i suggest you find a way to handle your thoughts and feelings on your own.

That's what I've been doing for 15 years.

But the wear and tear began to become obvious last year... I have always thought that doctors were no help.

But when you rule out the impossible, then it's time to go with the improbable- to paraphrase Spock.

Thanks.

Keep on keeping on and keep up the good fight, mate!

I do not quite understand what is the issue with members on ATS saying you are fine and just being led on by the doctors and there is no issues with your mental health.

Do they not know it is not something you can just breathe away or will to go away, take a walk in the park and everything will be fine, or eat this special root and you will be perfectly good again, or smoke some weed and it will grant you a miracle!?

The anxiety attacks, the panic, the built up frustration and restlessness and the feeling of never comfortable and pressure in the chest that you just want to burst and smash your fist into the wall (not anger).

The nonstop feeling of having your adrenaline burst through the roof for no reason at all at any random moment,or when you think of a task to do, a bill to pay, or having to talk to someone, or walking past people on the street, before checking a reply on a post on ATS...pretty much every situation of a normal life filled with an anxiety attack or panic attack.

Frustrations from anxiety that then turn to anger, then sadness...I could keep on going...

I understand what you are suffering through, and I want to congratulate you on finding a person of trust you can consult with and talk to in a relax state that wont judge you with a critical eye, that is the first and biggest step on the road to helping treat and ease your mental health.

Keep on fighting, proud of you!

a reply to: MuonToGluon

Thank you very much MTG. You indeed know something about this! I don't know how many times I've been afraid to come back here for fear that I've said something horribly wrong and I'm about to get an earful - when usually I've said nothing wrong at all... Though it doesn't help when I actually say something wrong! It only further proves that I must always be wrong...haha. So irrational.

Thank you again friend.

originally posted by: namelesss

originally posted by: TarzanBeta
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think they left out ADHD, but that could actually be a symptom of Panic Disorder combined with OCD.

I don't go to the doctor much. I have an inherent distrust in doctors.

This doctor, I could tell, was actually brilliant.

All things considered, he'll probably be dead or otherwise gone by next week! Or next month.
There is some Universal Law that good allopathic 'doctors' have the shelf life of butter in Hell before 'turning' or melting down!

Frankly, I'm making a collection of doctors that I outlive.
And I LOVE it!
Great hobby!!
I already have enough to sell extras on eBay!

Oh, for a good shaman!

Right? The one I had in TN was the last good one I really had... He ended up dying, leaving the rest of the patients to less capable practitioners. That's when I stopped going.

a reply to: TarzanBeta

No problems

I could just say ignore it and let it pass, but I know that the only thing you'd be thinking aout is a snide reply you just read from a member...you wak off and go read something on another site and say "it's nothing, doesn't matter" (and it's damn wel true,it is nothing), but your damn head shifts into overdrive cycling through many scenarios of thinking about that one damn reply and you have to run back to type your own reply back...!

I wish I could give you some tips on finding a way to stop that thought process, but I'd be lying and giving you snake oil.

One day at a time, man - And remember with the antidepressants it can take between 2 weeks to more of a month for them to start taking proper effect and regulating your functions, during that time you are most likely going to feel pretty damn crappy and have some bad thoughts, some sleep problems, and if you're sexually active, you may have a delay in the end firing sequence.

Stay good, mate!

originally posted by: MuonToGluon
a reply to: TarzanBeta

No problems

I could just say ignore it and let it pass, but I know that the only thing you'd be thinking aout is a snide reply you just read from a member...you wak off and go read something on another site and say "it's nothing, doesn't matter" (and it's damn wel true,it is nothing), but your damn head shifts into overdrive cycling through many scenarios of thinking about that one damn reply and you have to run back to type your own reply back...!

I wish I could give you some tips on finding a way to stop that thought process, but I'd be lying and giving you snake oil.

One day at a time, man - And remember with the antidepressants it can take between 2 weeks to more of a month for them to start taking proper effect and regulating your functions, during that time you are most likely going to feel pretty damn crappy and have some bad thoughts, some sleep problems, and if you're sexually active, you may have a delay in the end firing sequence.

Stay good, mate!

Everything you say is exactly what I've been told.

I wonder why my adrenaline went haywire this morning, though? I haven't had that really crazy form of terror in a while and the only difference was just one 20mg Paxil. My wife said it was my imagination.... But it certainly didn't feel like my imagination! It felt like there was IcyHot in my soul and it spread and made my body numb. What is that?

Anyway, thanks again friend.

It has been a week now.

I've taken 20mg paroxetine hcl every day.

My libido has shot through the roof, but the "end result" is almost impossible.

I'm more interested in interaction than I am in staying on my phone.

My chess game has arguably decreased.

My anxiety has actually increased. I drink even more to get in under control.

But, I'm externally calmer. I'm not as angry. In fact, I can take a lashing without hardly flinching.

My mind is more optimistic, and yet I still foresee the worst in every situation.

I can handle my work for about 2 hours before my body is convinced that something is horribly wrong.

That's the update so far.

My wife is being more angry at me. Maybe because I'm tired of fighting and I just let her do her thing now. She knows my diagnosis, but doesn't give a snip. Oh well.

a reply to: TarzanBeta

Did he address the root causes of your problems?

a reply to: Mousygretchen

The root causes are being discussed at length. The stories are very long and there are many. I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia yesterday. The Psychiatrist is weaning me off Paxil and putting me on something else.

I just want my anxiety to go away. It's devastating.

Take care friend.. I am willing to listen or read anything you wish to get off your chest. I may not have any answers but I have ears and a heart and sole. Haha I have shoes with a sole but I also have a soul.a reply to: TarzanBeta