My friends dead, but I'm not surprised.

I just got a call at work with some bad news.
Turns out a long time friend of mine was found dead in his jail cell.
Inmate dead

He's always been in trouble with the law. He would get out of jail, be out for a month or two, then do something stupid again and go right back.
Hella angels arrests

Christmas 2015' he told me that he wants to get his life together and that after his court was over, this time for sure he was staying out.
2 days later we has picked up for having a loaded hand gun.

You can get the picture that he was a habitual offender.

But I love the guy like a brother.
I always new that he was living on borrowed time. He should have been dead 20 years ago from some of the stuff we used to do.
However, I changed my life. A total 180. Wouldn't even know I was the same person.
He could never change.

He was serving a 2 year stretch, and this time for sure was gonna be the last time he goes to jail.
...I guess he was right. This was the last time he would go back.

I don't even feel shocked or surprised about this news.
Seems like it was just a matter of time.

I wish I could call him and give him $h!7 for wasting his life.

Anyone else have a friend or family member that was habitually in jail. Seemingly like they would rather be behind bars than at home with their family?

a reply to: Macenroe82

Sorry for your loss Mac.
Yep, got a brother in law on his second tour of TN prisons. I'm fairly sure he was looking at 15 years this time but, they keep adding charges and well, y'know.
Thought he would've wised up after being at Northwest but, nope. Drug addict and four kids...crazy.
He's in Whiteville currently and I wonder if his family will get 'the call' any day/everyday.
Edit-He would've died out here too.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

It's crazy isn't it?
My friend leaves behind his daughter, to grow up without a father now...not like he was around much anyway. But still, It's like some people just can't grow up.
I don't understand it. As soon as my daughter was born, I told myself I am responsible for a child now. Time to grow up and get it together.
Best thing I ever done. I was headed nowhere when I was younger.
Now I look at my life and just smile. I've come a very long way, and have done pretty well for myself.

Wow, that's some drama. I lost a close high school friend of mine a few years ago. He was an alcoholic diabetic. A really bad combination. Four times leading up to his death he passed out while driving and ending up in the hospital. The fifth his girlfriend woke up next to him in bed and he was dead. He just died in his sleep. Life is weird.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Yes! Crazy and congrats on getting it together. Some folks just can't seem to. His oldest is 19 (I think) and the youngest is 7 or 8.
Funny, sad and true story. Years ago, maybe 5, he stole my security system that I had purchased, partly, because of him!
He took it straight away to the pawn shop. Dummy didn't realize that he didn't have the software that went with it. He just took the wireless cameras and, lucky for me, he wasn't able to find anything else.

a reply to: dfnj2015

That definitely is not a good combo.
At least he passed away peacefully in his sleep.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Hahah he irony. Steals a security system...that was purchased to keep him out haha.
Thank Mockingbird, I needed that!

Sorry for the loss man! I too was like you guy's until about 19ish and did my own 180. I look back and realize how dumb yet how lucky I am. I notice they have no cause of death yet. Maybe soon you'll find out what happend.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Sorry for your loss Mac.

Had a few friends and family locked away for things they shouldn't have been doing but saw coming. Same for deaths. It's easy to see the spiral happening but very difficult to convey to them as the truth of the matter.

For your sake I hope your not denying yourself the grieving process. My condolences.

Greetings-


He didn't waste His Life, He showed You how NOT to live... No bigger sacrifice.

I used to be part of his kind of lifestyle, a very long time. 9 years ago I got sober, it's been a long road but all worth it. I still have the tattoos, but I'm not the same person. Im sorry your brother didn't make it, but we choose our path. I'm glad you made a better life for yourself!

My answer to your question is 'no' but I do have an observation to make.

In life, people find their comfort zone and, mystifying as it may be to the rest of us, they behave in such a way as to ensure they reach it.

They have patterns of behaviour that they can't or won't break any more than anyone else would or could.

I was brought up to expect to work for my living and that's what I did. I couldn't imagine any other way of life. I 'knew the ropes' and got on with it.

I'd invite anyone else to try and imagine doing things differently from the way they've always done them. Be honest - it isn't easy.

You managed to turn your life around. I don't expect that was easy for you but how tempting is it to look into someone else's life and wonder why they can't do that when you could?

When I had a very stressful job our cleaning lady said something to the effect that if she was my age she'd be off enjoying herself. Well, she had no idea of my responsibilities or how far I had to think ahead. I wasn't about to throw away a career just to go sunning myself somewhere. But seeing me allowing myself to be so stressed made no sense to her.

Recently a friend of mine was in detox and rehab for substance abuse and alcoholism. He was a long term, registered user. After rehab he had a fresh start in life and started attending AA and NA meetings.

What's happened is that he is hanging out with exactly the same sort of people as before but now they're all straight and sober talking about their past experiences.

That's my friend's comfort zone. Those are the sort of people he gravitates towards. Drink and the other stuff will always play a part in his life. It's unlikely he will seek out the company of people away from that world.

Sometimes we have to accept that others have patterns in their lives, learned behaviours that are, in their way, successful for them.

We don't and can't know how they measure the success of their lives.

I've had to learn to take it with a pinch of salt whenever anyone says they're going to kick a habit, for instance. It's just talking the talk. Things have to get a lot worse before they'll walk the walk.

And never underestimate the influence of their friends. I've seen so much undermining done by 'friends'. Programmes running to help addicts only to be undermined by one person supplying substances which all these 'friends' have sold to him for redistribution. 'Friends' who'll encourage someone with liver disease to have a drink.

I don't doubt that your friend could never change. Sometimes it's strikingly obvious who can't. I hope he's found some peace now and learnt lessons from his short time here.

a reply to: Macenroe82

I can't understand how people who commit crimes don't think of the consequences of their actions. Is the crime really worth them losing their freedom and living in a 9x5 jail cell for years or the rest of their life?? Some criminals commit armed robbery for a measly few hundred dollars! Money doesn't mean anything if you're put behind bars or given a death sentence.

I can't imagine keeping my sanity being locked up day after day with all the yelling and violence that occurs in a prison. I would commit suicide before spending years behind bars!

a reply to: iTruthSeeker

Ya I was surprised they haven't released that.
His mother told us it was a drug over dose. toxicology test came back last night - they found he had fentanyl in his system...what a fricken idiot.

a reply to: JimNasium

That's 100% true.
He set the bar on how not to live.

a reply to: WUNK22

Thanks bro.

The life of a habitual offender is a life they choose, although I think mental illness plays a part in it. I have a brother who's first serious crime was committed at age 6, and he's in his 50s now. He was supposed to be in for life but California is so overcrowded in their prisons they tossed him out at 2 am on the streets of Fresno. He's a leach, a drug addict, a thief, and has a dangerous hair trigger temper. Bad news. I don't answer his calls, I get tired of sob stories about no food when I know it's all going to meth.

I also worked in mental health and had a few clients who just couldn't deal with society and ended up hanging themselves in jail....even after I warned the jail they were potential suicide risks. That's life in small towns in the south in those funky little jails. If they don't say they're going to off themselves, they are left with blankets and things they can hang themselves with, and it doesn't seem like anybody truly cares.

I assume someday my brother will off himself, but because I cut him out of my life over 30 years ago, I mostly just feel bad that he is mentally ill but would rather use drugs to make himself crazier, than take the Rx that the doctors recommend.

Who grieves for those who cause nothing but trouble? Only those who have witnessed the other side of these people, the better side. Too bad, as a group, they cannot ever take responsibility for their own actions. I know I sound cold. My whole family life was destroyed by a mentally ill criminal, so we could never go on vacations, go out to eat, or even sit in church without a disaster or a scene. I've had so much stolen from me that I have a hair-trigger reaction to stealing....mostly, I've gone numb to it.

I've known people personally who were that way, and having worked for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, I encountered several inmates who quite openly admitted to me they just couldn't stay out of trouble no matter what they did or tried. It almost seems like an addiction.

I had one inmate tell me, "I have been in and out of prison all my life." The guy was probably sixty years old. "No matter what I did or how hard I tried, this is where the road led. The outside holds nothing but trouble for me. So, here I sit."

a reply to: berenike

That's right, it wasn't easy to change at first. I left all the people that were still up to no good, behind.
And when ever I run into them, be it at the store, or out shopping or something, I look at them and see they are still in the exact same spot as I left them.

When I was younger, I had the mind set of "'this is how it's going to be for me" but having my daughter made me say to myself, I'm not going to be like this anymore.
And that gave me the drive to make significant changes... amazing changes.

I don't mean to talk myself up, but I went from being a what I would consider a low life, to Having an excellent career, having a family, our own property, everything and anything I want or my family wants, I can buy it for them. I love seeing people happy, and being the reason why their happy.

I honestly believe a person can do absolutely anything they want in life. I'm living proof of that.
You just need the drive and desire to be the change you want to see.

a reply to: JinMI

Some how, i don't think the grieving has kicked in yet.
I'm more pissed at him for leaving his daughter behind every time he went to jail.
So much time was lost between them.
It sickens me.
I wish I would have put my fist to his head and told him to smarten up.

Edit; unless this is part of that process.
I've dealt with a lot of friends dying over the years, and for some reason out of all those friends, the one I was closest to, I'm just mad at him.