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What do I say?

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posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:32 AM
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You really might want to watch a LOT of Doris Day movies, after that you will always know how to handle any relationship, she made more mistakes than you even though she's still a virgin (even to this day).





posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:38 AM
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a reply to: Profusion


If she asks me directly, that's different. However, who's going to do that? It's always assumed that everyone wants to have children, isn't it?

You have figured out that 'she' is not going to ask directly because it is always assumed that everyone wants children.
It might not be cruel but it is a devious way to stay safe - but for how long? You know that you might lose them one day - why not lose them before you get attached to what may well turn out to be the wrong woman - and you are alone again?
Don't you think it would be a good idea to speak about children on the first date in your case? Because you don't want children and it is 'always assumed that everyone wants children' (your words).



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:45 AM
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a reply to: Profusion

It's definitely relevant if it can potentially end your relationship. The problem is you lack the empathy or awareness (most likely both) to discern the difference between what's right for you, what's right for her and what's right for the both of you. Just be honest about everything from the start, that's how you avoid all these problems you seem to be having right now.

There isn't much more that can be said that hasn't already been said throughout all of these threads, and in my honest opinion, I believe the problem lies within yourself and you need to address that before bringing in more problems (which has already happened/is happening/will continue to happen).
edit on 2-4-2017 by knowledgehunter0986 because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:55 AM
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Remember when you first started and you said none of your threads were real and it was all a psychological experiment?

Is that still the case?



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:00 AM
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Dating is dating, I wouldn't go into it under the assumption the new girl wants a second date anyway, you're just having a night out to get to know someone a bit.

Resist the urge to bang the ex or you'll just end up with headache and drama.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:13 AM
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originally posted by: knowledgehunter0986
a reply to: Profusion

It's definitely relevant if I can potentially end your relationship.


In my view, anything can potentially end a relationship. Does that mean that everything is relevant? It's not up to me to decide what's relevant. The two parties in a relationship decide that together.

"The problem is you lack the empathy or awareness (most likely both) to discern the difference between what's right for you, what's right for her and what's right for the both of you."

I think you're completely wrong there. It's not up to me decide that. It's up to both of us to decide it together.

I tried to force that kind of thinking onto my past romantic relationships by telling my significant others that I wouldn't have a child right in the beginning. What if I was taking the wrong approach in doing that? If I wouldn't have forced my conception of morality onto those relationships, they all would have gone more smoothly. In at least one case, it would have lasted longer.

The last woman I went on a date with was completely turned off when I told her that I would never have a child. I could see her writing me off as a possible suitor in her mind immediately after I said it (the second time). She couldn't recall me saying it the first time I told her. She said she was distracted the first time, but I think she didn't want to hear it. She apparently was trying to give me every opportunity. Was there any reason for me to tell her that so soon? I don't think so anymore.

I believe that those kinds of things should be discovered together between two people in romance. There is no reason for one of the people involved to force their sense of morality on the other. In fact, I believe that's very wrong.

I think the two people should discover everything together. If having a child is an important issue for my romantic interest, I'll tell them the truth if I'm asked about it.

I'm not going to cause them to have to deal with me taking too much control of the relationship by giving them too much information too soon. I think that's wrong.

Too much information kills communication. It's not the responsibility of either person to determine where the lines should be drawn concerning what too much information is. In my view, both sides decide that together.


originally posted by: MagnaCarta2015
Dating is dating, I wouldn't go into it under the assumption the new girl wants a second date anyway, you're just having a night out to get to know someone a bit.

Resist the urge to bang the ex or you'll just end up with headache and drama.



There is no way I have that assumption. I'm going to put my heart and soul into making it a success and getting a second date.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:32 AM
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a reply to: Profusion

Don't lie. Ever. The fact that you lie on an apparent regular basis is probably the root of everything wrong in your life. If you lie so easily, it's easy for you to ASSUME that everyone else does too. Plus... most people can tell even if only subconsciously.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:37 AM
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originally posted by: Kali74
Don't lie. Ever.


Kali to Augie: Do these jeans make my ass look fat?

Augie: Holy cow! Did you catch the game last night? Wow!



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:42 AM
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originally posted by: Kali74
a reply to: Profusion

Don't lie. Ever. The fact that you lie on an apparent regular basis is probably the root of everything wrong in your life. If you lie so easily, it's easy for you to ASSUME that everyone else does too. Plus... most people can tell even if only subconsciously.


I do tell white lies from time to time. I can't remember the last time I went beyond that, but I certainly have. At the time I wrote the original post of this thread, I was thinking of the thing I was considering lying about as being a white lie.

I have changed my mind about this situation since I wrote the original post of this thread. There would be no lying involved with calling my relationship with my ex-girlfriend "just friends." It's an absolute fact.

Here are a couple of relevant threads:

Are white lies wrong? I don't see a problem with them sometimes. If you read the following thread, you'll see that "white lies" are not necessarily lies at all.

Lying: Where do you draw the line?

It's no small matter that the woman I'll be going out with soon is a native Japanese person who has lived almost her entire life in Japan.

In a world of pretense, are Japanese just more honest about lying?
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:47 AM
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Stop looking for Validation here.
Do you thing what ever it may be.
The Ex has you right where she wants you and you love it...
nuff said.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 10:56 AM
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a reply to: Profusion

Friendship and exes do not go well together. Move on.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 11:05 AM
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originally posted by: OccamsRazor04
a reply to: Profusion

Friendship and exes do not go well together. Move on.


I'm glad I didn't listen to that advice because my ex-wife has been my best friend since we got divorced. That didn't happen yesterday, it's been almost five years. Why do you believe what you just wrote?



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 11:10 AM
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a reply to: Profusion

Logical fallacy. Bad ideas sometimes work out. Doesn't mean it's not a bad idea.

Ex's do not make good friends.

www.davidwolfe.com...

Personal experience (another logical fallacy) I have never stayed friends with an ex who never asked for sex and was a pure friend.

I stopped staying friends with exes over 10 years ago and it was a far better idea.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 11:11 AM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I have never and would never ask a male counterpart how I look in clothes. I tend to like my ass smaller than they do.




posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 11:20 AM
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a reply to: Kali74

This could very well be the reason we get along.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 12:08 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Well now I might have to ask you how I look in my Red Sox cap just to be a brat...



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 12:08 PM
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originally posted by: Kali74
Well now I might have to ask you how I look in my Red Sox cap just to be a brat...


I'll let you know after they play the Yanks.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 12:10 PM
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a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

It's on!



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 12:31 PM
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I've finally got it...

If we get past the first date, I'm going to mention that I'm single, but the woman I'm going out with may frequently see me with women who are my colleagues and friends. She may even see them coming to my home, but that doesn't mean anything.

That's absolutely true. It explains everything as well. She doesn't need to know that on the first date, but she'll need to know it after that.

I don't have to mention a word about an ex coming to visit me or an ex being my friend.

I think I've solved this problem.

edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 12:56 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

Many of those who remain friends with ex's can do so due to dark personality traits. Your post is very enlightening.



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