It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

What do I say?

page: 2
2
<< 1    3  4 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:14 AM
link   
sounds like youre gonna throw away a chance to move on with a new lady to have your ex stay with you.

why are you so hung up on your ex?

being friendly or even friends with an ex is one thing. having them come stay at your spot is a different thing all together.




posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:28 AM
link   

originally posted by: TinySickTears
sounds like youre gonna throw away a chance to move on with a new lady to have your ex stay with you.

why are you so hung up on your ex?

being friendly or even friends with an ex is one thing. having them come stay at your spot is a different thing all together.


There are so many unknowns. The woman I'm about to date could stop being interested in me at any time. We may never get to a second date.

My ex-girlfriend and I have perfect chemistry. We just had a nearly two-and-a-half-hour phone conversation recently that was probably the best conversation I've had with anyone. We both laughed a lot when talking about very difficult subjects...she is extremely quick-witted and fun to be around. It's literally a peace of heaven just being around her. She has her PMS moments too of course.

I couldn't think of a better person to be "best friends forever" with.

There is a very significant point that I haven't mentioned. The woman I'm about to date is a native born and raised Japanese person (she has lived in Japan for almost her whole life), and they have different views of seemingly everything. She will not see this through Western eyes. She'll still be seeing this situation through a woman's eyes of course.

I could say..."My friend is coming to visit me..." without mentioning the sex. She may not even see my ex-girlfriend, and if she does, she may not think twice about it. We won't be going steady at that point, so this is hardly any of her business really.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:34 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion


I think you are exercising very poor judgement. Holding onto a relationship that is over can be emotionally dangerous for anyone involved, and I really do think you should avoid communication with your ex entirely, at least for a while to see how it feels.

Best of luck though, I don't want people to be unhappy.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:38 AM
link   

originally posted by: wheresthebody
a reply to: Profusion


I think you are exercising very poor judgement. Holding onto a relationship that is over can be emotionally dangerous for anyone involved, and I really do think you should avoid communication with your ex entirely, at least for a while to see how it feels.

Best of luck though, I don't want people to be unhappy.


We broke up last July. We didn't communicate until last October. That period is past, and we have both healed.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:50 AM
link   

originally posted by: Profusion


My ex-girlfriend and I have perfect chemistry. We just had a nearly two-and-a-half-hour phone conversation recently that was probably the best conversation I've had with anyone. We both laughed a lot when talking about very difficult subjects...she is extremely quick-witted and fun to be around. It's literally a peace of heaven just being around her.

We won't be going steady at that point, so this is hardly any of her business really.


well if your ex is so awesome then why is she your ex?
must me something not awesome there

to the last part i just dont feel the same way

i could be off base here but it seems like you still have feelings of sorts for your ex. most people dont talk about their ex like they are a slice of heaven.

no cool to be dating or planning to sate a woman and have another come stay at your house. just my opinion

if this little slice of heaven tries to get intimate are you going to turn it down?
can you honestly say you would and if you would not how is that fair to the woman you are dating



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 07:52 AM
link   

originally posted by: Profusion

originally posted by: wheresthebody
a reply to: Profusion


I think you are exercising very poor judgement. Holding onto a relationship that is over can be emotionally dangerous for anyone involved, and I really do think you should avoid communication with your ex entirely, at least for a while to see how it feels.

Best of luck though, I don't want people to be unhappy.


We broke up last July. We didn't communicate until last October. That period is past, and we have both healed.


hmmmm.
you waited 3 whole months....
if you were healed/over it i dont think you would be talking about her like you are.
i mean a little slice of heaven.....come on



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:01 AM
link   

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: Profusion


My ex-girlfriend and I have perfect chemistry. We just had a nearly two-and-a-half-hour phone conversation recently that was probably the best conversation I've had with anyone. We both laughed a lot when talking about very difficult subjects...she is extremely quick-witted and fun to be around. It's literally a peace of heaven just being around her.

We won't be going steady at that point, so this is hardly any of her business really.


well if your ex is so awesome then why is she your ex?
must me something not awesome there

to the last part i just dont feel the same way

i could be off base here but it seems like you still have feelings of sorts for your ex. most people dont talk about their ex like they are a slice of heaven.

no cool to be dating or planning to sate a woman and have another come stay at your house. just my opinion

if this little slice of heaven tries to get intimate are you going to turn it down?
can you honestly say you would and if you would not how is that fair to the woman you are dating


I believe until you decide that you're going steady or officially become significant others, then dating (and even having sex with) other people is fine. If you look at it from that point of view, having my ex-girlfriend stay in my home could be considered kind of an extended date unless we decided to become boyfriend/girlfriend again. My logic may be off there, but I don't think so.

The point I'm making is that the woman I'm dating can date other people, and I can too. If I want to have an extended date with my ex-girlfriend, there's nothing wrong that.

That's all moot because my ex-girlfriend and I are just friends now. I'm not concerned with being able to defend myself with a logical argument of course. If the woman I'm dating becomes emotional over this situation, she could cut me off in a heartbeat.

The reason my ex-girlfriend and I broke up is because we couldn't agree about having children. She feels that she needs to have a baby, and I refuse to have one. That's why my ex-wife and I got divorced too.


originally posted by: TinySickTears
hmmmm.
you waited 3 whole months....
if you were healed/over it i dont think you would be talking about her like you are.
i mean a little slice of heaven.....come on


There's nothing wrong with loving someone. It can go from being romantic love to being platonic love. I experienced that with my ex-wife, so I know it's possible. Why is it important that I'm "over her"? I don't understand the significance of that.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:06 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion

So you are Besties with both your ex-wife and your ex-girlfriend? Do you see the pattern here? AND. The ex-girlfriend BFF is going to live with you for a while? Yet, you are going to bring another "new woman" into the equation?

1+1+1=3 - and that is two (2) too many women in your life..."New Girl" is going to run like her hair is on fire, and she should!

If you want to play Barbie's Townhouse expect the hate...sorry, but if this is a real thread, you must know this, right?

I always wondered what was going on in your relationship threads. Now I know. Best of luck with your coming common disaster.

ETA: You know that if you are being for real, any one on here will help...



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:08 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion

cool.
do your thing man
good luck with it all

let me edit

now you have platonic love with an ex wife.....

from you other thread from 2 weeks ago

---I dumped her, and she told me it broke her heart. She is unique, and I'm still in love with her. I'm not going to post specifics about her personality, age, body, etc., but it's all about the best I could hope for.---

^^that is about the ex girlfriend

so you still love the ex wife. you love the ex girlfriend. youre starting to date someone else.

seems strange to me

but yeah
good luck with it all

pretty soon youre gonna have some kind of love for the 3rd girl

edit on 2-4-2017 by TinySickTears because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:20 AM
link   

originally posted by: Missmissie173
So you are Besties with both your ex-wife and your ex-girlfriend? Do you see the pattern here? AND. The ex-girlfriend BFF is going to live with you for a while? Yet, you are going to bring another "new woman" into the equation?


She doesn't need to know that much about my past. I won't tell her who my friends are.

That's exactly why I start these threads. I need these threads because I'm a little clueless about life sometimes. These threads give me the kind of perspectives I need.

As to her running from me...

I'm not mentioning why I got divorced this time. I'm not mentioning my exes this time. Nobody has a perfect past, and the ugly details aren't necessary in romance...until they're necessary.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


a reply to: TinySickTears

I don't think it's complicated at all. I'll only have one romantic relationship, and the rest are friendships.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:39 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion

You start off asking if you should lie .... bad form, very bad form.

Now your last post says you won't mention the ex's and all that jazz. Well, that may be fine and dandy AT FIRST, but there needs to be a tad bit of information regarding past failed relationships.

You really ought to not go into ANY relationship with a plan to hide things.

I think, and this is just my opinion,( based on me being recently very absent from this site and somehow you always have a recent post about your drama), that you need to find yourself and be friends with yourself. Work out this dependence you seem to have on the ex's. I understand not having many friends and wanting to keep what you have. However, these friends seem to limit you.

Please, don't go into a relationship hiding things. It WILL come back and bite you. But at least you won't create children that will also have to deal with the fallout.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:44 AM
link   

originally posted by: Profusion

I don't think it's complicated at all. I'll only have one romantic relationship, and the rest are friendships.


the complicated part of it is that you still love them

its one thing to have an ex come to town and meet her for a coffee or lunch or some #.
wanting to date a woman while you have an ex that you still love stay at your house seems like a disaster waiting to happen.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:47 AM
link   

originally posted by: Profusion
I'm not mentioning why I got divorced this time. I'm not mentioning my exes this time. Nobody has a perfect past, and the ugly details aren't necessary in romance...until they're necessary.

When are you going to tell the new girl that you won't have a child with her?



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 08:55 AM
link   

originally posted by: Itisnowagain

originally posted by: Profusion
I'm not mentioning why I got divorced this time. I'm not mentioning my exes this time. Nobody has a perfect past, and the ugly details aren't necessary in romance...until they're necessary.

When are you going to tell the new girl that you won't have a child with her?


I was thinking that the right time would be if we ever get to the point of discussing marriage. I did a lot of damage to the relationship with my last significant other by telling her that I got divorced because I would never have a child. That haunted our entire relationship, and it led directly to us breaking up. I'm almost 100% certain that we would still be together now if I wouldn't have told that I didn't want to have a child right in the beginning of our relationship.

I believe that having children has no relevance until we discuss the possibility of marriage. Since my ex-girlfriend has told me that she may not get married until she's nearly 30, I could have extended our relationship for maybe five or six years by just never mentioning that I didn't want to have a child.

If she asks me directly, that's different. However, who's going to do that? It's always assumed that everyone wants to have children, isn't it?
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:00 AM
link   
if your ex is such a good friend she should have no problem with rescheduling her sleep over for another time.
when you tell you`re ex that you`re trying to move on with this other women she will understand why her sleep over plans could cause a problem and being such a great friend she will gladly postpone the sleep over.

If she doesn`t understand and won`t postpone the sleep over plans then she isn`t such a great friend.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Tardacus because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:00 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion
If your ex wants children it would be cruel to wait until you start talking about marriage to tell her you won't have them - maybe it is what you should state on your very first date.

It's always assumed that everyone wants to have children, isn't it?

edit on 2-4-2017 by Itisnowagain because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:05 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion


I believe that having children has no relevance until we discuss the possibility of marriage. Since my ex-girlfriend has told me that she may not get married until she's nearly 30, I could have extended our relationship for maybe five or six years by just never mentioning that I didn't want to have a child.

If you want a true relationship you must be true!!

See how you would be willing to destroy the chance of a woman having a child - if you had waited for another five or six years she maybe too old to have a child. She would have to find a suitable mate first which could take some time.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:18 AM
link   

originally posted by: Profusion

originally posted by: Itisnowagain

originally posted by: Profusion
I'm not mentioning why I got divorced this time. I'm not mentioning my exes this time. Nobody has a perfect past, and the ugly details aren't necessary in romance...until they're necessary.

When are you going to tell the new girl that you won't have a child with her?


I was thinking that the right time would be if we ever get to the point of discussing marriage.

Really? Did you tell your ex wife before the marriage?
Can you see that two relationships ended because you knew something that you did not share? How is it working for you?
If it is assumed that everyone wants children then you must state your position at the start.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Itisnowagain because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:24 AM
link   
a reply to: Profusion

I think it is about time you were honest - stop pretending that your new girlfriend will not understand. If people don't tolerate what you do then let them go - someone may or may not love you the way you actually are - who cares as long as you can live with yourself.



posted on Apr, 2 2017 @ 09:29 AM
link   
a reply to: Tardacus

My friendship with her takes priority over almost anything in my life. On the other hand, if I have a new girlfriend, of course I'm asking for permission before I have a female friend sleep in my home.


originally posted by: Itisnowagain

originally posted by: Profusion

originally posted by: Itisnowagain

originally posted by: Profusion
I'm not mentioning why I got divorced this time. I'm not mentioning my exes this time. Nobody has a perfect past, and the ugly details aren't necessary in romance...until they're necessary.

When are you going to tell the new girl that you won't have a child with her?


I was thinking that the right time would be if we ever get to the point of discussing marriage.

Really? Did you tell your ex wife before the marriage?
Can you see that two relationships ended because you knew something that you did not share? How is it working for you?
If it is assumed that everyone wants children then you must state your position at the start.


I did tell my ex-wife that I didn't want to have a baby before we got married. I told her long before that. She thought she could change my mind from what I've gathered.

Concerning whether or not it's cruel to not talk about having children until marriage becomes a possibility, I don't think it is. There are lots of issues that aren't relevant until marriage becomes a possibility, and I believe that's just one of them.

If she's concerned about it, she can ask me. I'll tell her at that point.

I don't see anything wrong with not discussing non-relevant issues.


originally posted by: Itisnowagain
a reply to: Profusion

I think it is about time you were honest - stop pretending that your new girlfriend will not understand. If people don't tolerate what you do then let them go - someone may or may not love you the way you actually are - who cares as long as you can live with yourself.


I'm not going to ask her about having children until it becomes relevant. I wouldn't expect her to either.
edit on 2-4-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



new topics

top topics



 
2
<< 1    3  4 >>

log in

join