a reply to: Richsac89
I can't help commenting because this coincides with an experience I had just this week.
I am hypersensitive, and have always suffered anxiety attacks under pressure. I have the "rabbit in headlights" response- I freeze up, and basically,
it is like my brain leaves on vacation. I can't tell you what my own name is.
In school it was a terrible handicap during tests- no matter how prepared I was, I would go blank.
I went to hypnotherapist who helped set up key words to help me put myself under hypnosis before stressful events, and give myself suggestions to help
me cope. I used that into adulthood, and it got me even through three births with no drugs.
But in unexpected events, I revert to the rabbit waiting to die mode.
The last ten years or so, I have been through some truly brutal environments. In horse back riding, I had instructors who would greet me with
screaming, yelling and telling me I am a waste of human flesh on this earth. Left me crying for days (and in those cases, even bleeding buns as well).
Then I worked in a kitchen for three years as a cook. Especially here in France, they are notorious for the abuse you go through there. It was
horrible. I cried at night often.
I could not perform under those circumstances at first. I would be rendered completely dumb and useless.
I got out of there, and decided to go back to school and start a new career. At the end of my studies, I had to do an internship in a company. I
somehow got accepted into a big company well know here, that is considered a very desirable place to work at, and very hard to get in. They pay very
well, but are extremely exigent.
It became quickly clear that the work is stressful, and the ambiance electric. After two months, I was told I am valued because I bring peace and calm
to everyone in the office.... even though I had a competative women enter at the same time and try to provoke me- I was able to distance myself
emotionally. Fights and arguments broke out.. I stayed calm.
I was called in for interviews several times and told I was being considered for a job.
Then two days before the end of my internship, a meeting was scheduled between my tutor, the manager, and my teacher from school.
I got to the office and nobody would look at me, everyone was quiet and I kept catching some sympathetic and sad looks sneaking up at me. I didn't
know what was going on. They did not have the right to warn me.
I got into the office for the meeting, and what followed was a nightmare. Questions being flung at me at a shot gun pace, and then arguing with me,
saying nonsense. They would tell me I was wrong about something totally basic and I thought I was suddenly lost in wonderland or something! They
mocked and laughed at me, they elbowed each other and humiliated me in extreme. I was trying to respond , trying to make sense of this, and I started
to get stressed, but was determined because I was sure there was some sort of mistake in translation (This is in France, I am american...).
Then they let me out. I had ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with this manager to get the final word on whether I would be hired. In those ten
minutes, I say down and worked furiously, rewriting a report. Still no one talked to me.
I was called back in. She said, So... how are you?
I said, well, stressed a bit, as would be expected. But okay. I got moving, I am using the energy constructively, and it's a good stress then. (I had
just accepted that I would not be hired and part of me was relieved).
She smiled. This was the last test, she said. We need to know how emotionally resiliant you are. This can be a stressful and violent place. We needed
to know if you can bounce back.
When I came out, everyone came to see if I was okay. They all knew what was going to happen, and they were all concerned for me. The last intern came
out destroyed and completely failed his licensing exams.
Now, this sounds horrible. And if I had known beforehand this was going to happen, I would have left the place earlier. I am still used to thinking of
myself as emotionally fragile and prone to anxiety. But I guess... it is healed?
I don't know. I actually did not lose my mind, and I did bounce back. In fact, I now have a surge of positive energy that feels great.
I suspect that these past experiences must have forced me to learn to be resiliant and emotionally stronger.
I don't know if it would work for everyone, but it seems that trying to take drugs, or protect yourself from stressful experiences isn't necessarily
the only road to take. Just something to consider!
-oh and I was hired.