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I can appreciate your efforts at the mastery of your vehicle... but know any bias towards any state or avoidance of such is the very code by which you will soon be learning. There is a point where such a thing is beyond ones control as all desire has been mitigated; so the development of grace no matter what realm one is pulled into becomes paramount in understanding and accepting the lesson.
. . . . is the very code by which you will soon be learning.
Waking up is thus deeply related to "waking up to how this world has traumatized you". It means recognizing all those inhibitions in you - the fear, of shame - the fear of anxiety, which thus create and rebound into reflexive defensive behaviors that the perceptual (consciousness induced) makes to protect and help itself.
The process that distorts cognition is called; vipallasa(in modern terminology? Cognitive dissonance). This essentially circular process starts from view. Our views bend our perceptions to agree with the view. The perceptions then form the evidence for our thoughts. Then the thoughts argue in support of our view. It is a self-justifying cycle. Views generate perceptions that make thoughts that support the views. This is the very process of delusion.
For example, if someone believes in God. They hold a theist view. That view will deny access to the mind any perceptions that challenge that view. Scientific facts, such as those in the fields of astrophysics, quantum mechanics, geology, and biochemistry, become “no-fly” perceptions. They are rejected before they even register in the consciousness, because they are antithetical to the view. Only perceptions that support and conform to the God view survive the subconscious sifting process. These pro-God perceptions then form the data for our thoughts to work on. The data is convincing; it supports our view. We become convinced that there is a God, and our view grows ever more resistant to challenge. Such is the origin and progress of many religions, which are all convinced that they are right. They are mistaking the way things seem for the way things are.
The same sort of thing is behind the legendary katana draw of the Samurai; the sword was out and the opponent down. The intent transformed into the very motion itself.
Absolute realityy? Nope. Despite all the names and concepts for things such as the "sun" we have had for perhaps millions and millions of years longer than we can even history ourselves; all of that knowledge or belief or concepts of that thing called "sun" has not changed it from doing what that phenomina does EVER and won't in any way shape or form except in one place... the mind subject to those concepts of it; and that's it.